hecklerspray got sued for paternity once. It was awful – it got all the way to court too.
The Drudge Report was standing in the plaintiff's box pointing a finger in our direction saying things like "Your honour, these beautiful children belong to that website, and he doesn't even visit!" Meanwhile, we'd scream out retorts like "Judge – she's holding a box of puppies! We are genetically incapable of making Daschund puppies!"
Our anger and denial seems completely justified, right? But wouldn't you know it, DNA proved otherwise and we got stuck paying four bags of Kibbles n' Bits every month for the next 18 years. We're thinking about getting a second opinion. Sean Diddy P. Puff Puffy Combs can relate to our plight. Although we're told his most recent biological discovery is supposedly 100% human, he still just got stuck raising another future MC.
Scientific progress has been growing families in leaps and bounds this year. We all know it gave Eddie Murphy a kid recently, Anna Nicole jr was able to narrow her father down from a field of a million to one, and some lady insists most of Michael Jackson's kids dropped to the delivery table from her big gaping cavity.
Now most might think P Diddy is far too busy punching flames out of white guy's hind-ends to father more children. Or some might think he's too busy sitting at a table watching Kid Rock beat up Tommy Lee. Whatever his schedule, Combs just got added to the list of scientifically proven fathers. A woman named Sarah Chapman claims her daughter Chance was formed inside her with the help of Diddy's fully-automatic genitalia.
That's not the first time the mogul's golden diamond-encrusted sperm has worked either. Some of you may remember Kim Porter cranked him out a two for one deal pretty recently, and aside from that he has three other fully acknowledged kids too. The rapper wasn't having it with this new kid at first. But then the DNA envelope probably came back with 'You're the father' written in a really pretty cursive, and there's no point in arguing with that kind of penmanship.
And what, pray tell, will Combs do with this latest addition to the family. The right thing, apparently. He said:
"At first, I wasn't sure if this was my child. Now that it has become clear she is, I will take care of her for the rest of her life."
Don't be down Diddy. If, perhaps, a sixth child just seems like one too many, might we suggest you let K-Fed have a crack at raising her. We hear he's quite good.
Read More:
1 says
‘ WAITFOR DELAY ’00:00:20’ —