It's hard to hate Diddy. Yes, Diddy might be getting sued for apparently punching a man who protested when Diddy chatted up his girlfriend, but you try staying mad at a man who precedes a beating with the line "I'll smack flames out your ass!"
According to reports, Diddy's recent run-in with Gerard Rechnitzer – the one that ended with Rechnitzer claiming that Diddy had beaten his face to a soggy pulp – has now turned legal. Gerard Rechnitzer has hit Diddy with a lawsuit following the Hollywood brawl, and is claiming unspecified damages from Diddy for medical expenses, pain and suffering and a replacement pair of trousers for the ones destroyed by all the flames coming out of his ass after Diddy smacked him.
Before we go on, we'd like to take this time to point out that the Diddy we're referring to is P Diddy the clown-fearing rapper and not rubbish unfamous DJ Richard 'Diddy' Dearlove, the man who legally stopped Diddy being called Diddy in England. Just so you know, like.
Anyway, Diddy's life should be an uninterrupted explosion of bliss at the moment – his girlfriend recently gave birth to stupidly-named twins, he's somehow wriggled out of writing that book everyone wanted him to and he might have had it off with Sienna Miller not so long ago, too. But it's not all sunshine and monkeys for Diddy, because he's being sued by Gerard Rechnitzer – a man who claims that Diddy hit him so hard that actual fire started spewing out of his anus.
Regular readers will remember that last week we told you about Diddy punching a man in the side of the head because the man apparently asked Diddy to stop cracking onto his girlfriend in front of him in a carpark. Well that man was Gerard Rechnitzer – and he's now suing Diddy for the alleged attack, as Reuters reports:
The suit, filed on Friday in Los Angeles County Superior Court and later posted by the celebrity news Web site TMZ.com, says Rechnitzer was attacked after he approached Combs while the rap mogul was talking to Rechnitzer's girlfriend. The suit says Combs, without provocation, shouted an obscenity at Rechnitzer, who then warned his girlfriend that they should leave, prompting Combs to yell at him, "I'll smack flames out your ass!" At that point, the suit says, Combs "attacked, assaulted and battered" Rechnitzer, causing him "to fly backwards several feet" into a vehicle behind him.
Wow, we'd better stay on Diddy's good side – not only can he hit you so hard that you start shitting fire, but one Diddy-punch can send you flying through the air for several feet. Oddly enough, though, Diddy's lawyer is denying all of Rechnitzer's claims – claims that basically say Diddy is possessed with all the power of a Superman II baddie without the rubbish bits, like being trapped in a flying glass sheet for eternity or having a horrible ponytail – and has vowed to fight his lawsuit all the way:
"It is just another example of an opportunist seeking to fabricate a lawsuit based on a flat-out lie to try to take advantage of Mr. Combs' celebrity status. Mr. Combs did not hit anyone, and Mr. Rechnitzer suffered no injuries or damages whatsoever. There is no case. It is that simple."
Oh there had better be a case. We've suffered through ten years of awful Diddy rapping, and to come this close to discovering that flames actually come out of your arse when Diddy hits you – only to discover it's all lies – might just push us over the edge, you know.