Upon hearing Paris Hilton's new musical direction, lots of people burst into tears – and Paris Hilton is no different. Paris says she cries when she hears her new CD, but only because it's so good.
Which is strange, since the majority of people start crying at Paris Hilton's music because it's transparently a cynical vanity project that thinks that ripping off UB40 badly is a good idea, not because of any notions of it being good. But, hey, tears are tears. If it's as near to an apology as we'll get, we'll take whatever we can.
Paris Hilton seems to be a woman with limitless capabilities. There's a Paris Hilton book on the shelves, there was a Paris Hilton perfume out way before the Beckhams had the same idea, Paris Hilton has shown that she can act like a wonk-eyed dimwit on TV just as well as the next man, the Paris Hilton internet sex tape is wildly popular and she can also piss in a taxi better than anyone on Earth. So it was always a matter of time before Paris Hilton released a CD.
The signs were there; Paris started hanging out with Three 6 Mafia and making all kinds of dark talk about going reggae, and then the single Stars Are Blind was released, hitting the heady heights of number 17 in the Dutch music charts. And to follow up that remarkable trick, Paris Hilton has started to plug her new album too. She's already been doing this to some extent, like when she told a magazine she was going celibate for a year, but now Paris Hilton is going all out – by telling anyone that'll listen that her album is so good it reduces adults to tears. Well, one adult specifically. Her:
"I, like, cry, when I listen to it, it's so good."
And, despite what your ears and brain have been telling you, people love the music that Paris Hilton makes. We know this because Paris Hilton says so too:
"People go crazy. They love it. Everyone's like, 'Who is this?' I don't tell. Because I don't want someone putting their phone up and recording it and making a ring tone off of it. I think when people don't know it's me, they won't judge it. But if they know it's me, then they'll be like, 'Ugh.' They won't even dance."
Obviously it'd be churlish to suggest that people don't know who is singing the Paris Hilton songs because her voice has been so autotuned that it sound like it's been intoned by a steam-powered robot from the 1930s. But we are churlish, so there.
Read more:
Paris Hilton: My Album's So Good 'I Cry' – People
[story by Stuart Heritage]
vera says
super paris hilton me i like
Tha dopezt says
I wouldn’t say its so good I’d cry.
But it is phresh and that is a good thing from me.
Plus its damn catchy 2.
I ain’t singin’ 2 songs causes thats just odd and I hate people that do that.
But it does have flava and I would like 2 see another album from P.
God damn I knew I should have gotten the 2 Cd with Dvd.
I’m regretting that.
anyway stay cool Paris and have a dope arse day whereeva u at.
holla at cha boi.
Later
Laura says
Hiya, I don’t know who reads this but I doubt it will be Paris herself. Anyway, I’ll still say that I love her work, she is a rolemodel for any little girl or teenage girl even. She has such beauty, all little girls will think she is pretty – almost like their barbie dolls! Although, not in a bad way, a very pretty barbie! She is every young girls dream – she has a cute little puppy, is rich & famous, has a big house, has her own perfume & songs, & last of all is very pretty (bonny/ie – I don’t know how to spell it!!!)
You should be very proud of yourself Paris, just forget the stuff in the past, I’ve read about it but I understand you are sorry for it. I love your work, please keep it up!!!
Laura xxxxxxxx (Lou – my nickname)
sk8rgurl says
This post is a wee bit late… but timely nonetheless. Maybe now that she’s been sentenced to do 45 days in jail she’ll learn how to sing the blues. Can’t you just hear it now…arghhhhhh, the humanity!
YMB says
Laura…Oh my god… you have to be the most retarded person I have ever had the pleasure of not meeting. Except of course, Tha dopezt . He sounds like a white kid trying so hard to fit in with all the “brothas.” I applaud you.
But, Laura, I really hope to god you don’t have kids. If you really think Paris “Graybar” Hilton is a good role model for kids, then you obviously are in need of some dire psychiatric help. I guess she would be a good role model if you wanted your kids growing up to be an airheaded, drunken crackwhore. Then she would be the greatest role model ever! The only better role model besides her would be George Dubya. Turn off your t.v. and get out of fantasy land.
steve says
paris hilton was caught under the influence and while being banned from driving. Would everyone be so supportive if she had killed someone? The sooner she goes to prison fro breaking the law the better. i feel it is a sad state of affairs if society in general feels that this person is a good role model. She needs some serious help and needs to be removed from any possible ability to influence anyone. I think the 45 days is a farce and 45 years would on;ly just be enough. It is a sad fact that so many people are interested in what happens to this token of a throwaway society. can we stop feeding this poor person’s need for attension and get back to the real world?
sk8rgurl says
To: “# YMB Says:
May 11th, 2007 at 4:27 am
Laura…Oh my god… you have to be the most retarded person I have ever had the pleasure of not meeting. Except of course, Tha dopezt . He sounds like a white kid trying so hard to fit in with all the “brothas.” I applaud you.
But, Laura, I really hope to god you don’t have kids. If you really think Paris “Graybar” Hilton is a good role model for kids, then you obviously are in need of some dire psychiatric help. I guess she would be a good role model if you wanted your kids growing up to be an airheaded, drunken crackwhore. Then she would be the greatest role model ever! The only better role model besides her would be George Dubya. Turn off your t.v. and get out of fantasy land.”
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Haaaa…again I’m a wee bit late with this but you are so right YMB…..i have a few more descriptive words for Paris that you left out…. how about worthless, useless, selfish, borish, racist, homophobic, user, talentless, spoiled, and lastly (and hopefully)…JAILBOUND…
David Chutlashvili says
Paris Hilton zieht sich immer noch selten komplett aus, und mir kommt es so vor, dass sie noch leider nicht ganz frei ist. Aber es ist ausgezeichnet und menschlich, keine Scham zu haben! Liebt sie alle, die gut und attraktiv f
flori says
you beatiful much much much girlss hottt