Miley Cyrus Finally Does Something Naughty
Then buzz it up
February 12th, 2008 at 16:15 by Stuart Heritage
What with all the naked pictures and teenage pregnancies, the world of children's TV has never resembled a grubby diseased whore-pit more closely than now.
But one name has managed to rise above all the trouble like some sort of wonderful teenage angel from heaven - Miley Cyrus. But not any more.
Fans have caught Miley Cyrus doing something so disgusting, so downright immoral and depraved and - yes, we'll say it - evil that it's left her army of adoring supporters reeling in horror. That's right - someone saw Miley Cyrus riding in the back of a car without a seatbelt on. No, that's not a euphemism for unprotected sex - Miley Cyrus actually didn't wear a seatbelt in the back of a car once. What a bitch.
Make no mistake, Miley Cyrus rules the world at the moment. She's overcome all kinds of obstacles in her life to get there - like that body double scandal and the way she shares 50% of her genes with Billy Ray Cyrus - but that's just made her success all the more sweet.
So far in life Miley Cyrus has had two number one albums, a number one movie, a sensation of a TV show and she's helped make Britney Spears less mental, and she's still only about six years old. But perhaps Miley Cyrus' greatest success has been not to succumb to the evils that have befallen her tween-idol contemporaries.
Unlike Vanessa Hudgens, Miley Cyrus ha never taken a picture of her minge and put it on the internet. And unlike Jamie Lynn Spears, Miley Cyrus has never been knocked up by some bloke she met at church. But beneath that butter-wouldn't-melt smile there's a heart of darkness beating inside Miley Cyrus, if this new report is anything to go by.
Miley Cyrus didn't wear a seatbelt in a car once.
We know, we're just as shocked as you. So shocked that we'll let USA Today fill you in on the rest of the details:
In a blog item posted Monday, Consumer Reports magazine says 15-year-old superstar Miley Cyrus, who plays Hannah Montana on television, is seen in her new movie riding without a seat belt in the back seat of a Range Rover. So is her father, country music star Billy Ray Cyrus, the Yonkers-based magazine says… The magazine says 65% of the 13-to-15-year-olds killed in auto accidents in 2006 were not wearing seat belts. "It seems to us that Miley, her father and Disney had a perfect opportunity to help influence teens and counteract — rather than encourage — this trend," the blog item says.
Yeah, screw you Disney! We're cancelling that trip to Disneyland now, and returning our collection of porcelain Disney fairies, and we're never watching Lost again. Or The Geena Davis Show. And you know how much that last one stings. How dare you do this to us, Miley Cyrus. How dare you!
However, we're sure that the huge Miley Cyrus industry won't let her be damaged by this seatbelt accusation. We've seen how this works, and we can second guess that Miley will now do one of three things to make this up to her fans. She'll either go on Larry King and cry about the incident or she'll find a suitable rehab facility and hole up there for a few days. And if that seems a bit too much like hard work, we're sure that an apologetic letter to Al Sharpton has been drafted up just in case.
Read more:
Miley Cyrus, dad are so busted for not buckling up - USA Today
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February 12th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
you must really hate her! THIS ARTICLE IS DISGUSTING!!! “OMG SHE DIDNT WEAR A SEAT BELT!!! WE ARE ALL GUNA DIE” who fucking cares! im sure you have ridden the a car without a seat belt? i have! I AM SURE EVERYONE HAS! LIKE WAT THE FUCK IS THIS!
February 13th, 2008 at 8:26 am
what the freak’in heaven iz this? i bet mr. stuart heritage couldn’t find anything juicy enough to save his job. he’s a freak’in donkey! Miley Cyrus is still an angel 4 now.
until then DO NOT EVEN put up some crap like this.
February 13th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Looks like you hit a nerve or two, Stuart. That’s okay, it’s not that far into the future when there will be a video of Miley smoking crack while pregnant.
February 13th, 2008 at 2:04 pm
To be fair, I think I hit the nerve that stops people being able to spell or make any sense, but a result’s a result…
February 13th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
To be slightly less fair, your writing seems to have that effect on a large percentage of the hecklerspray readership.
February 13th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Who needs spelling, who needs seatbelts, who needs sense?
What have those things gotten us? The Internet and microwaveable snacks, okay,
but aside from that, what? iPods, refrigeration, space travel (okay, that one’s crap),
flying monkeys, Post-It notes, breathalizers, & doorknobs. But aside from that, what?
U must find yor hart, Stuarige, for it is there the Golden Rainbow Pony lives.
February 14th, 2008 at 12:37 am
WHAT THE HELL!
February 16th, 2008 at 8:50 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkS9HJmEsfI
At least talk about something worthwhile. Like her taking pictures of herself in her undies and posting them online for everyone to see?
February 19th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
it must really suck to be so jealous of a 14 year old girl. why don’t you try to do something with your life instead of being such a lowlife little bitch?
February 20th, 2008 at 8:17 am
You people must be too young to get the humor in this article he is clearly poking fun at the reports because of this. Nice work on the article we all know Miley is not as innocent as she seems like being videotaped at the Grammys holding a pack of cigs by Ephraim and Chester on Ellen. For some reason the videotape gets no press but oh my god she doesn’t wear her seat belt gets too much press.
February 20th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Lol, funny comments of all these teenyboppers getting pissed off at the slightest whiff of someone mentioning miley cyrus isn’t perfect.
and nikki i totally agree with you. i’m shocked i didn’t see it earlier though…the signs were always there if you looked close enough
stuart is definitely jealous of miley.
February 26th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
omg u r a really mean person u r making such a big deal about a movie star not wearing a seat belt…. I BET U DOMT EVEN WEAR A SEATBELT!!
March 24th, 2008 at 1:37 am
OMG ths girl “Miley Cyrus” is seriously mental
shes so freaking tone def
she cant act
she is the next britany spears or jamie lynn spears
i bet she’ll get pregnant just like the rest of them
and the new wax figure of her i wish i could melt that crap
no really i do
i dislike her so much
and if it werent for her country singing daddy then we wouldnt even kno her name
which by the way which one is it
destiny hope, smiley, or miley cyrus…. PICK ONE
its bad enough that theres one of u and i cant belive ur new pics on the internet yea that’ll do WONDERS FOR UR CAREER
i hope that disney channel producers see that and KICK U OFF
o and by the way
U SUCK =]
now thats wat u call a DISS!
March 25th, 2008 at 12:39 am
So you say Miley’s never pulled a Vanessa Hudgens, aye?
http://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x179/Roguexkittyx/mileycyrusmyspaceslut3.jpg
http://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x179/Roguexkittyx/mileycyrusbathtub_2.jpg
http://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x179/Roguexkittyx/mileybikini.png
http://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x179/Roguexkittyx/2agnrmh.jpg
http://i187.photobucket.com/albums/x179/Roguexkittyx/1zcd9a0.jpg
email me at rissyyxilyyx@yahoo.com if you have any questions.
March 25th, 2008 at 12:51 am
Hey Stuart, you’re funny as hell, if hell is really cool and has booze.
I’m not sure what’s better, the actual posts or the comments…
April 13th, 2008 at 11:18 pm
omfg really she’s that evil for not wearing a seatbelt? wow your fucking stupid get a life.
April 17th, 2008 at 11:33 pm
you know wat dany… Miley is 15 and she doesent really know wat to do with her life right
know. so back off
April 20th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
Im 7 i say freaking
April 20th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
i say damit and freaking
April 21st, 2008 at 3:41 am
I’m standing by my original comment.
April 26th, 2008 at 9:55 pm
who would we care?
April 29th, 2008 at 12:53 am
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHJHHAAA I LIKE HANNAH MONTANA
April 29th, 2008 at 12:53 am
SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ROCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
June 11th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
i think this whole report was a joke right? because she was just not wearing a seatbelt and if this report is right, you guys are totally crazy. if she had unprotected sex in the back of the car, well okay that would be a story but also there i think it is her thing where and how she has sex. so this report is just crazy. who of you drive always with a seatbelt on?
July 5th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Hey, Some times we all do noughty things. Why should we all be perficet?
If u get kiled,I will cry.Who wouldent? I love u. U are my role moddel. but I don’t were a sealtbelt all the time. I don’t mind at all. Keep doing the right thing. Like were your seetbelt, take approut picturs. I look up to u a lot.
July 5th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
I know all these people are saying bsd things about just not wering a seetbelt…………
Don’t let it get to u. Just enour it. I get made fun of every day.I know what it is like.
July 25th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
leave miley alone
!ӣ$%%^&*%$**()(&^$%%$$%
July 26th, 2008 at 4:21 am
Full scale unrelenting brain damage.
Malthus was right.
July 26th, 2008 at 11:33 am
What? no-one noticed “stuart heritage… he’s a freak’in donkey!”
Word-up, SH, I know some dudes (West Coast style), who have got a great spot for you, xxx rated ob… chuck a few casting-couch losers my way fella.
October 30th, 2008 at 10:31 pm
wtf?! oh my god! she didnt wear a seatbelt! the world is coming to an end. whats next? her not brushing her teeth?
October 30th, 2008 at 11:44 pm
You’ve definitely woken up the illiterate, Stu!
October 31st, 2008 at 7:36 am
Word up losers,
1/2 day ahead means I’m already seven (7) pints up on you by 11am. Go Miley, go HS!