Michael Jackson has had a coloured past – this, we can all safely say, is true. In his long-winded career, Michael Jackson's crazy antics has given him highs and lows. But mainly lows.
After a series of lawsuits over various issues, the state of Michael Jackson's finances has never been under greater scrutiny. So what can a self-respecting formerly-successful music icon do to try and make people give a toss about him again? Easy – go and announce some comeback shows in tacky capital of the world, Las Vegas. Well, possibly.
Rubbish old musicians announcing a comeback specifically to make the world cringe and cry itself to sleep at night is all the go this year. Once credible but now past-it Britpop veterans James have announced a tour; angry political rockers who won’t make a difference no matter what they say Rage Against The Machine have returned for a song and dance at America's only credible music festival Coachella; the only band duller than spending an afternoon at an OAP home, Crowded House, sadly announced their ambitions to reform, as did Sting and The Police.
Las Vegas is famous for sending millions of people into crippling debt. It’s also the home of Elvis-style drive-through weddings – just ask skinhead Britney Spears; she had a marriage there once but then decided it was rubbish and got it annulled 55 hours later. We all know she went on to bigger and better things…
And now it's going to be the home of Michael Jackson's newest attempt at a comeback. Probably. Whispers of Michael Jackson performing in Sin City are nothing new – he was rumoured to become a Las Vegas attraction just after he was cleared of wanking off those cancer victims – but now the whispers are getting louder than ever, and one of Michael Jackson's millions of assistants is desperate to deny it, as MSNBC reports:
“Mr. Jackson did not move to Las Vegas to shop a Vegas show. Mr. Jackson is in Las Vegas because he likes the city and found it a convenient location to record with the artists, songwriters and producers who are working with him in the studio.”
Ahh, we get it. Its just a good old-fashioned coincidence that Michael Jackson is recording in a tourist-magnet city where millions of lucrative stage shows are held each year. Hull has perfectly good recording facilities too, you know!
You may have heard about it, but Michael Jackson hasn't enjoyed the best of times over the last few years. As well as the child molestation trial – and the near-simultaneous invention of hecklerspray's favourite tipple, good old Jesus Juice – Michael Jackson has also failed to pay his staff, tried to pass himself off as a woman, apparently killed someone, and kissed the late great James Brown on his dead face, so maybe a long-term stint slinging out the hits in Las Vegas will go some way to restoring his reputation. If he's doing one. Which he might not be, all said.
Obviously we say that Michael Jackson will be back to do some comeback shows in Las Vegas, but that won’t be strictly true. You’ve got to remember that there’s probably only a few parts of the original Michael Jackson left on his skeleton. Most of the other bits appear to have been replaced over the years by all sorts of surgery, and are probably floating in a jar or something. If that’s his real nose, then throw us a banana and call us Bubbles. Check our bad selves…
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Hunaka says
Come on, the man had trouble singing an entire song in London last year – how’s he going to manage an entire show every night. This ain’t happening
shaun says
i think mike can do better than las vegas..seriously i was at the wolrd music awards last year and he didnt struggle he sounded fine…. jus a shame the music was cut on him…. i dont think he wil do vega either to be honest i think once his new album is out he wil do a small world tour… evryone would still wanna see him .. hes jus arrived in japan with soo many ppl waiting for him…he is stil hugely popular….and in reagrd to this article..stop the pisstakin…remember he was found not guilty!!!
Gilbert Wham says
“Coloured past”. Heh.
Gabby says
Aww…I hope he makes a comeback :) I love Michael! ^_^