Len Goodman is the kindly old uncle of celebrity dance-based reality shows, always ready with a smile and a word of benign encouragement – unless he's talking to Marie Osmond, in which case he'll make her collapse with his evil mind-rays.
That's more or less what happened yesterday when Marie Osmond suddenly dropped to the floor midway through Len Goodman's dissection of her samba during the live broadcast of Dancing With The Stars. Although shocking enough to make the Dancing With The Stars host immediately cut to a commercial break, Marie Osmond's collapse was nothing more than a harmless faint, which means you're allowed to laugh at it completely guilt-free. If you missed seeing Marie Osmond fainting on Dancing With The Stars, chances are you'll be able to catch a replay on the next episode of the hit cable TV show When Red-Faced Mormons Collapse. Alternatively you could just keep reading this, because we've got the Marie Osmond fainting video right here.
There's something about TV shows about dancing that just makes people act in the strangest ways. Maybe it's all the miles of oxygen-constricting spandex they're trussed up in week after week, but appearing on dancing shows – specifically Len Goodman-judged dancing shows – tends to send celebrities ever so slightly doolally. Take Kelly Brook, for example – even though her career consists solely of an aborted shot at TV presenting, roles in films that were barely good enough to be released direct to DVD and two dances on a Saturday teatime ballroom dancing show, she's still decided to market her own perfume. And just because she did a one-legged backflip on TV, Heather Mills then convinced herself that all anyone really wanted to see was her hoofing up and down an aeroplane aisle, when in reality we're surprised that the pilot didn't slam the plane nose-first into the sea the instant she even stood up, just to save people the misery.
And now we can add Marie Osmond to the list. Determined to wrestle the title of Craziest Reality TV Osmond back from Little Jimmy Osmond after his turn on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here two years ago with the pepper-filled flame-eyed bear that spoke in the voice of several children, Marie Osmond decided to show the world what she was capable of on yesterday's Dancing With The Stars. Dressed in a pair of curtains that she stole from a 1970s brothel, Marie Osmond performed some sort of samba, strolled over to hear the feedback from the Dancing With The Stars judges and then, well, collapsed. BBC News reports:
Singer Marie Osmond has collapsed during an edition of the US show Dancing With The Stars… The ABC programme cut to a commercial break as she recovered, and when the show returned, host Tom Bergeron told viewers she was fine… ABC spokeswoman Amy Astley said: "She was laughing and then sank like a stone. Everyone froze." Bergeron said: "I want to just quote her exactly. The first words out of her mouth when she saw us all leaning over her were, 'Oh, crap.'" She explained later in the programme that "once in a while that happens to me when I get winded. I stop breathing."
Oh, we've teased you enough. Here's the video of Marie Osmond collapsing on Dancing With The Stars…
Although it must have been quite worrying to witness live on TV, it didn't stop the Dancing With The Stars judges from giving her the lowest score of the night. Maybe next week Marie should try something more dramatic if she wants to prise a better score from the judges, like bang on about her post-partum depression some more or possibly try to kill herself again.
Still, it's good that Marie Osmond seems to be the only celebrity who collapses every time she dances badly. If it was more widespread then we'd worry that no oxygen would ever get into Kate Garraway's brain at all.
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Adam Gade says
Well, at least the faint didn’t make her less insufferable and cutesy in interviews and the like. And here I thought she would end her career with news of an incest filled life with Donny and then retire to a Salt Lake ski resort.
Smoodge the Naked says
It was only Death’s icy clutches on her brain.