We can all learn from the great poets. For instance, it was Andrew Marvell who wrote,
?Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, Lady, were no crime?
Basically, he's saying ?we?ll all be dead soon, so we might as well get down to it right now. And it looks like Lindsay Lohan has taken to heart the Carpe Diem message of the dirty old Metaphysical and has spent the last couple of years gradually becoming the least coy person in the whole entire world.
Of course, I'm being flippant. He meant it to tempt a restoration lady into bed, and she has expressed that attitude by flopping out her norks to publicise her upcoming biopic of a noted adult film actress. The two are pretty much the same thing though, right?
As sure as night follows day, or hordes of Micheal Jackson fans follow presumably any written content which has the words ?Micheal Jackson? and ?paedophile? within 100 yards of each other, or as a prison sentence follows stuffing your trousers full of cocaine and driving around like a great big jeb-end, Lindsay Lohan is getting naked on film. Digitalspy rubs its sweaty palms on its trousers, and pants:
Lindsay Lohan will reportedly appear fully nude from the waist up in the upcoming film Inferno. There will be full frontal nudity, but it will not be cinematic nudity – it will be more violent nudity,” said director Matthew Wilder
At last those eight yak-herders who were off ill on the day she visited, and those astronauts who were outside of the Troposphere for a full nine months will finally, finally get to see what all the fuss was about. They?ll enter into an elite club made up of pretty much every other inhabitant of Earth who has seen, felt, put to use as an impromptu egg-cup, licked, stroked, jizzed, put their faces between and gone ?fbbblle? on, or simply taken a small tin fork and firmly poked, Lohan?s rack. Truly, this heralds a momentous day that will bring humanity together and allow us to put aside our differences by sharing in a planet-wide commonality of experience based on a set of funbags.
Confusingly though, it's not being touted as your plain common-or-garden ?cinematic nudity?, but as ?violent nudity?. Aside from the strong hint that the whole thing will be going straight to video – ?where it probably belongs, sold with a commemorative pack of Kleenex – it does raise the question of just how violent they can make a pair of jiggling bits of flesh covered by the occasional wisp of ginger hair and delicate vapour trails of coke lines. Perhaps they?ll violent it up a little by attaching a pair of knives to the nipples, or She'll get use some handy tips on violence that she picked up in prison.
Failing that, surely the producers could just make the video emit a bowel-tearing sound effect as soon as they come on screen, in order to generate a sort of Pavlovian response to being presented with a pair of freckled tits. Unless, of course, that contravenes the Human Rights Act, eh, Lindsay?
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@EssBen says
violent nudity really is a bloody new one, can’t stop now though, off for a malefic dump followed by a pernicious wank.
Branded social tv says
I think that she needs to use this time in jail to think about what she has done