Lily Allen Vs Cheryl Cole: It’s Rather Tediously On

Lily Allen Cheryl Cole Chick With A Dick Fight Stupid BitchSquat pop Ewok Lily Allen is famous for two things; wearing trainers with dresses and mercilessly slagging off any singer that she happens to be ambiently thinking about at any point in time – but sometimes her victims hit back, making Lily Allen sad.

This is basically what's been happening between Lily Allen and Cheryl Cole, the one from Girls Aloud who has to do all the talky bits in their songs because she can't be trusted to actually sing. First Lily Allen said something about Cheryl Cole, then Cheryl Cole called Lily Allen a "chick with a dick" on TV, then Lily Allen was all "boo hoo, I'm so fat and hideous" on her MySpace blog and now Lily Allen has got it together enough to call Cheryl Cole a "stupid bitch." Experience tells us that what'll happen next is that Cheryl Cole will pass Lily Allen a note in class that says "you're dead you are" before the other members of Girls Aloud grab Lily Allen after geography, throw her satchel on the roof of the woodwork block and hold her down while Cheryl Cole pulls her hair, gives her an extra-hard Chinese burn and kicks her in the chuff.

Usually when celebrities squabble it's easy to pick a side. Most people instinctively knew if they were Team Aniston or Team Jolie, for example. But trying to find even a shred of empathy for either Lily Allen or Cheryl Crow is a feat that's just beyond us. But let's look at both sides anyway, if only for shits and giggles.

On the one hand there's Cheryl Cole; the preening, self-absorbed wife of a middling footballer who is singularly Girls Aloud's least talented member and who once apparently screamed the word "jigaboo" at a black toilet attendant in a club. And then there's Lily Allen, a girl who'd start a fight with her own reflection if you put the mirror down low enough where she could see it. In the past Lily Allen has called Corinne Bailey Rae "boring" and got into a pikey fight with Lady Sovereign. And now Lily Allen and Cheryl Cole have turned on each other like a couple of terrifying pop stags charging antler-first at each other, albeit terrifying pop stags you couldn't really give that much of a shit about.

It all started on Gordon Ramsay's tiresome F Word show where, after a nice film about eating a horse, Gordon tried to ramp up publicity for his directionless programme by reminding guest Cheryl Cole that Lily Allen had one said:

"Nobody really wants to look like Cheryl, they just think they do."

To which, after some goading from Ramsay, Cheryl Cole replied:

"Chick with a dick."

And then it all kicked off. Still sensitive after her New Look clothing line was dwarfed by the Kate Moss one at Topshop, Lily wrote a self-pitying blog on her MySpace page claiming that she was fat and grotesque and that she wanted a gastric band and plastic surgery and whatnot. But it seems this self pity was a one-time thing, because now Lily Allen has written another post, this time saying:

I know I've said bad things about people in the past , though the majority of them have been blown wayyyy out of proportion , but this i mean… Cheryl if you're reading this , I may not be as pretty as you but at least I write and SING my own songs without the aid of autotune . I must say taking your clothes off , doing sexy dancing and marrying a rich footballer must be very gratifying , your mother must be so proud , stupid bitch .

No doubt it'll be about a millisecond before Cheryl hits back calling Lily a 'dog' or something, only for Lily to retaliate by saying that Cheryl's got a bum for a head and she poos out of the bum and the poo runs down her face and hits her in the eye which is somehow a part of both her bum and her face at the same time.

So whose side should we be on in this utterly pointless waste of energy? By whinging around so much, Lily Allen has shown that she can't handle it when she's on the receiving end of a slagging – but then again, she wasn't involved in a pissawful charity cover version of Walk This Way, either. And there are just some things that we can't forgive.

Read more:

Lily Allen Attacks Cheryl Tweedy – MTV 


  1. sarah says

    I think for 2 adults there not setting a very good example to children. Its all play ground ‘she said this and she said that’. Will the pair of them just grow up!!!!

  2. daisy says

    Heckler Spray – it is a wonderful write up and the sooner we get married the better.

  3. Gilbert Wham says

    The phrase, “Squat pop Ewok Lily Allen” would validate everything you had ever done, even if the rest of it was shite. Journalistic genius, and I thank you for it.

  4. Carmela says

    another celeb chav fight (sorry tweedy, just because you wear nice clothes doesn’t mean your not a chav anymore). ho hum. Lilly could blatantly kick her ass- you get me

  5. Amy says

    So, loudmouth Lily Cole can dish it out but can’t take it? lol She has been insulting people since she came on the scene with her rhymes but now that someone gave it back to her, she starts crying. I guess people also think they want to look like Kate Moss, too, eh Lily, I mean, I didn’t see anyone rushing out to buy those prom dresses of yours.

  6. Viking Lumberjack says

    This is going to sound completely stupid, but I’ve never heard of these two people. Are they the British equivalent of Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera?

    By the way, I’m going to have to add the word “chuff” to my vocabulary. The next time I have a fight with my girl I’ll tell her that she’s about to get kicked in the chuff. When she asks what the hell a chuff is, she’ll get kicked in it. And then she’ll pretend to forgive me and will get me drunk and when I fall asleep she’ll drop a bowling ball on my nuds. But it’ll still be worth it just to say “chuff” in a sentence.

  7. xian says

    I like Lily.who cares what others say something about her. She is really sweet.

  8. King Jimbo says

    Viking Lumberjack – note that you can substitute the word Gash for Chuff quite easily. Both words make me smile. As does almost any sentence with the word Ewok in it.

  9. candy says

    i hate that twig cheryl cole who the hell would she be if it wasnt for ashly?ya i thought as much….now she thinks shes it……girls aloud come on……their songs really crack me up…..

  10. Ellie-Mai says

    Oh My God!!

    Everything cheryl has said about lily is so true i hate her. Cheryl cole much prettier shes got a better personality and can tak what people say about her where as lily can say all sorts of stuff to hurt people but when it comes to someone stickig up for themselves and saying something back she has to make all her so alled fans feel sorry for her so evryone hates cheryl but it ent goin to happen Yeah and lily if yoou read this then yes you are a “chick wiv a dick” BUT… It was gordon ramsey who said it first a then when he asked what she thought of lily she said the same thing.

    people who are sayin that it ent a goos example for kids SO WHAT!! Their not there for kids to copy them their there to do their jobs earn money and entertain us. So If lily carn’t handle what people say about her she needs to shut er fat gob and stop slaggin people of her self she started it so she can finish it enough with ya sob storys lily noone’s interested okayy

    I may be a geordie but thats not the reason im sticking up for cheryl its because cheryls right…Sort ya self out lily!!!!
    Love You Cheryl_x

  11. Rachael says

    Cheryl is a much better person than Lily. Girls Aloud are my fav popstars eva. Lily is so rubbish that i think her record company are gonna drop her. Cheryl is so pretty and seems to have a good personality but Lily is the opposite. I might be a geordie but i think Cheryl is right and i’m wiv her all the way. Why does Lily think she can take the p*** out of Cheryl’s accent. If Lily did that to me she would be black and blue. Keep stickin up for yourself Cheryl cos so far u r makin us geordies proud. At least Cheryl can take what people say and think of her unlike Lily.

  12. NICK says

    I think you might find that the real beef was stired up with the cover version of lillys song about Cashly Cole.
    when he went from Arsenal to Chelski. check it out youtube

  13. Larnie says

    just quoting that rachael person.. ^^^^ “atleast cheryl can take what people say” yes, thats why her comeback was “chick with a dick” she clearly DOESNT own a brain, or still hasnt figured out who to use it. twat. cheryl? prettier than lilly, lets be honest. no. and fair play even if she was, its true, shes a ponse who only sounds good coz of autotune and prances around on stage and so forth we have the art of distraction, OH LOOK, im removing clothes and touching myself, dancey dancey, in the mean time no-one gathers shes absolute rubish. lilly may have started it, and fair enough shes not the best performer in the world, but shes a damn right better than her thats fo’sure.

  14. Matt says

    To all student girls and gay student boys . . Cheryl is a lady, and she is fitter. Get over it, because, the real men out there would choose Cheryl and not the silly little student girl Lily any day of the week.

    Lilly: Your dad isn’t a gangster and he will never be Lawrence Olivier.
    You might appeal to little boys, but those little boys with a little bit of confidence would choose Cheryl. Ok.
    Ok. Understand. Good. NOW SHUT UP.

    Im going to bed to dream about Lady Cheryl sitting on my manly hairy chest.

  15. says

    is lily allen actualy joking?
    sayen chez iz a chick with a dick but Lily is actualy not so nice herself though yez?
    Chez’s da bee’s knees tho inet

    ya geh meh?

  16. Anonymous says

    No, Lily Allen didn’t start it! Look it up on video tape. (Gordon Ramsey/Cheryl Cole) It was Gordon Ramsey that called Lily Allen a chick with a D*ck that’s how it started.

  17. Anonymous says

    You go by what other people think & say, right down to the clothes they wear, find some originality. HER NAME IS LILY ALLEN NOT LILY COLE.

  18. amy says

    OMG cheryl jelous of lily ok look how preety she i mean if lilys preetier then cheryl she,d be the 1st sexiest women in the world so i think its the other way round

  19. amy says

    no way its the over way round who would be jelous of lily poxi allen wen cheryl cole is amazing??

    luvv yu cheryl..x

  20. amy says

    why cheryl done nuffin wrong omg lilys always slaggin every single celeb offf like all the time, so thts stupid

  21. amy says

    yes she did start it cheryl nd gordan ramsey only said tht coz she callled cheryl superficial nd as ugly inside as the outside so lily did start it…. like she always dose like alll the time

  22. says

    kelph your a wate of space, you sicked up piece of shit. yes i do agree with you that lily started it. but Cheryl a waste of space…no!! She’s done a lot for all her fans, she’s brightened peoples lives up, including mine and I love her. how can you dare say that about her when you don’t even know her. I think those sick people like you, should except the fact that Cheryl Ann Tweedy Cole is the nation’s sweetheart and people love her – including me. so to all of you Cheryl haters out there, what the hell have you got against her? you don’t even know her… your all wastes of space yourself. But it’s okay Cheryl, cause there are thousands more smart Cheryl lovers than demented Cheryl haters.
    X X X X X

  23. says

    cheryl is soooooo wayyy better then lily allen! who ever said lilys prettier needs to go get there eyes tested!!! cheryl is far far prettier! i love cheryl, she is my idol. i just wish i could stick up for her when that cow lily says stuff about her! cheryl forever x!!<3 lily allen never!!!!

  24. izzy says

    Cheryl Cole is unbearable. It makes me sick to think that a stick insect who goes back to her cheating rat of a husband and makes her money by wearing tiny amounts of clothing is supposedly a role model. She is extremely untalented, hearing her sing live is entertainingly bad, and she has no creativity or ability to write music. The fact that she is a judge on The X Factor is ridiculous enough-watch her audition and performances on Popstars and it is obvious to see that she would have no chance of getting to the live shows on X Factor nowadays. When compared to talented, strong singers such as Lily Allen or Adele she should realize that she is one of the luckiest celebrities in existance, for were she not born with her commercially attractive but extremely plastic looking and dull face, she would be stuck in whatever northern town she comes from, probably working in a chip shop. If she is the type of person young girls are aspiring to be like the world is set for disaster.

  25. katie says

    lily you rock cherly u are a dirty skinny person tht needs to eat more i think lily should of said them things other people would tht hate cherly n there are quite a few. cherly cant evan sing jezzz come on when girls aloud performed on x factor cheryl was so out of tune and the others werent lily can keep her tune. no wounder ashly cheated on her i would you goo lily you are the bestt wooooh

  26. cheryl no1 says

    any one who thinks lilly allen is better looking or better in general is honestly retarded llily allen is a bitch…. cheryl is one of the most stunning people in the world if not the most. lilly allen=pathetic…

  27. ONE OF THE LANCER says

    I love you cheryl cole, you’re my idol! I totally agree with you.
    cheryl is like,the most good looking woman. Most of the people in this world want those kind of body.

  28. Rachel Mcxx Voted biggest chim fan 2009(cheryl and kimberley) says

    rite lilly allen cant sing she speeks i went to see girls aloud and chim waved at me cheryl seen my banner that i made for her and put a tumbs up mimed good and waved she is so nice lilly is a bitch she thinks that she can do amazing impressions of her when she cant and the only reason that she is famous is because of her dad lilly called nicola the ugly one out of girls aloud but im gllad that they dont get them selfs down about it and LILY ALLEN IS UGLY cheryl cole is beautifull and even more beautiful in real life she went back with ashley because she still loves him and she beleives that everyone deverves a seccond chanse she is shuch a lovley person i hate lilly allen i have always hated her and i always will and cheryl does not use auto tune her new album thats out on the 26th october she rote most of it her self her new single is called fight fot this love its being played on radio 1 8am 7th september I LOVE CHERYL COLE!!!!!!!!!! I CANT UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE CAN LIKE LILY ALLEN when she is such a lovley person hey ya dont see her doing sell out tours across the country do u and the reson cheryl is on x factor is because simon just keepet on texting her and texting herand i agree with you up there ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ people must be retated to think that lily is preetyer that cheryl and why do people hate cheryl whats to hate about her seriously what and why do people hate girls aloud there nice lovley people LILLY ALLEN YOUR THE BITCH WHEN I HATE LILLY ALLEN I MEEN I HATE LILY ALLEN OR ANYONE THAT HATES GIRLS ALOUD IM A MEMBER OF EVERY SINGLE I HATE LILLY ALLEN GROUP ON FACEBOOK!!!!!!! LOVE CHERYL HATE LILLY!!!!!!!!!

  29. katherine says

    While both girls may be foul mouthed and distinctively hate each other I dont know why the media give such name calling publicity. Lets face it though one is so up her own backside that when she couldn’t have her own way she resorted to violence on an innocent not so pretty individual. It should not be about who is the most beautifully preened individual, but who shows remorse and is big enough to apologise when they have done wrong. Lilly Allen may be attention seeking and foul mouthed but Cheryl although beautiful, likes to wallow in self pity and get the sympathy vote by staying with Cashley. Lets face it shes milked it for all its worth, hence the record title. Why doesnt she get some self respect and leave him if she cant move on. But there again from chava thug she has been transformed into the nations sweetheart thanks to her looks, publicity and sympathy via Cashley and his cheating ways.

  30. Paul Matthews says

    How interesting to see that the Cheryl Cole supporters can’t spell and use ‘text speak’ in their posts, says everything really doesn’t it? Cheryl Cole is the best example of everything that is wrong with modern life today, how can people seriously see this chav as a role model? She has a brain the size of a peanut, ZERO talent, the most annoying accent in the world, she is a bitchy & mouthy criminal, married to a T**T of a footballer who can’t keep his D**K in his trousers. Sexy? If you would like to F**K a full size barbie doll but with more plastic maybe, personally I would rather puke on my own D**K than go anywhere near her. All these boys on here saying how pretty she is clearly have never had a real relationship with a real woman and all the w*****g has mushed their tiny brains. Lily Allen can sing, write songs, has a personality and is one of the most naturally attractive women around today.

  31. faye says

    I agree-cherylis soo fake-she does everything in her lifejustto try and be something shesnot-she wont go any where without having tolook her best-like shes about to go out to the clubs or something??!!! I mean-who spends that long putting on soo much makup and doing her hair (thats with her semi permanent makeup and hair extentions that is) just to whip to the shop to buy a loaf of bread!? i know im nt to keen on lilly allen butatleast if i ever met her id now she’d be smiling at me coz she liked me- not coz she wants to comeacross as this big angelic sex icon.
    Cherly is sooo pathetic- get a grip! and as forbeing an idol for little girls-you should be ashamed….my 7 year old little sister came back from a girls aloud concert thinking that she was obese coz she had puppy fat and needed tolose weight and wanted to buy lotsof crop tops and short skirts!!!FROM 1 CONCERT!!!i couldn’t believe it!!!

  32. Gemma Riley says

    Anyone taking Cheryl’s side is a moron. The woman can’t sing, plain as. Whatever Lily’s done in the past, it’s not as bad as a racist attack and she writes good songs. Neither of them really started the fight, Lily made the Cheryl Tweedy song before she was famous so she probably wasn’t expecting it to be well known but when your song is meant to be a diss and then someone thinks it’s a compliment you would find it hard to keep your mouth shut. As much as I don’t like her it’s obvious Cheryl would react when she found out it was a diss song.

  33. anon says

    I can’t stand Cheryl Cole and I’m all for Lily. She doesn’t try and pretend that she’s something she’s not. Furthermore as Lily rightly said at least she can sing which Cheryl obviously can’t

  34. says

    Well where should i start i like lilly shes old school love her trend but on the other hand cherel is a girls girl. lilly speaks her mind and so does cherel and to be honest im a bit speticle about cherel she cant be that much of a goody two shoes i think shes a dark horse.furtheremore i think every one should give lilly a chance before cursing her off. I dont think she wants to cause a fuss, this is just simply a fude that you u would have in the playground not every one is perfect as cherel cole !!!

  35. Mitch says

    No, Lily Allen can’t sing she talks and about completely chavy and pikey things! So you sit there and call Cheryl a chav, when Lily Allen is on her chatshow and talks about pussy n all sorts of irrelavant stuff! Oh, look at that proper English. JOG ON !!

  36. Kung Fu Joe says

    Firstly I would just like to say to the author of this article, thanks very much, I’ve been out of Blighty for too long now and it was great to finally read some good old laugh-out-loud, English-style, childish humour. Great stuff.
    Secondly, as for the comment of one poster, read carefully, it’s NOT just the Cheryl supporters who appear to be completely illiterate! (That means a person who can’t read or write properly. n dat meenz u dunt no nuffink bout riting). (No point in leaving them out of the plot just because they can’t afford a free education!).
    Anyway, as I said, I have been out of the country for several years, however, having gone back for 3 months this year I did learn this much; firstly, Cheryl is indeed a chav and Lily is so very tramp-like that I think a new word is in order for the writers of the dictionary (suggestions welcome). Secondly, though I have never had the pleasure, (or possible misfortune) of hearing Cheryl ‘singing’ live, I have had the dubious experience of listening to Lily Allen (who is indeed almost certainly only famous thanks to her father). As for ‘singing’, I would suggest that is a little kind, it’s more or less talking to a tune (and sounding common and trampish). Frankly, Lily is just a dumb slapper and, vacant as Cheryl may be, at least she doesn’t make an effort to go out and cause trouble. Oh, and yes, I would much rather give Cheryl a bloody good rogering than that hideous Ewok (a fantastic observation Mr. Heritage!) Lily.

  37. Kung Fu Joe says

    Having just watched MSN news this morning, I feel I have to reaffirm support in favour of Cheryl Cole as it was announced that Lily is now an avid supporter of “Jed We Can”, the evil child offspring that weaseled their talentless way onto the X-Factor. (My wife is the watcher, not me!!!! I was just subjected to it whilst back in England!). Personally, I think that her support of satan’s spawn kind of undermines her “I’m tough and hardcore” image. But that’s just my opinion.

  38. tracey says

    lily allen is a hypercrite , she used to slag off girls aloud 4 wearing sexy outfits n noe she is doin it herself n getting her manky boobs out all the time .

  39. Sophie says

    Racist attack??? SHE WAS CLEARED OF IT U IDIOT! I didnt realise you were all there in the toilets too! IDIOTS…. don’t comment on something you don’t know the first thing about!

    The reason why the Cheryl fans are so passionate are because they feel they know her because they are at most concerts, have met her, see her on TV and find her a great role model…



  40. Scarlett says

    LOL@YOU! Cor sorry hard. Lily is much more normal than cheryl the twig. At least Lily is differnt, cheryl just copys all the other pop & RnB stars. At least Lily got famous herself, cheryl just relyed on Simon cowell, Ashley cole and girls aloud to get famous. Cheryl really isnt all that nice, shes just a chav with a makeover because she has the money for it. Is everyone forgetting that cheryl beat up some woman in the toilets? Plus shes in some shampoo advert saying her hairs got its ‘mojo’ back? Puurrlease its not even her hair, its extensions. And you bumlicking her isn’t going to make you look like her, get over it!

  41. Molly says

    To be honest, both of them are completely stupid. I’m sorry, but Cheryl has no personality. And Lily is brutally honest, but also tries to be ‘hard’, and that really doesn’t look good. Well, they’re not exactly Britney or Kylie, are they??

  42. elle says

    lets be serious her yeah maybe cheryl is prettier but i mean its all a make over did u see her before she was a chubby chav hu was in serious need of braces now she thinks she good because she on xfactor and is famous coz her husband cheated on her i mean talk about milking your divorce !! lily allen is her own song writer and can ACTUALLY sing ,,,, definately lilys side here cheryl cole is a plastic wanna be and her fans are in serious need or a wake up call :) x

  43. Anonymous says

    Cheryl Cole’s obviously the chick with a dick, she looks like a fucking she male, all the guys who like her are probably into dudes. Lily is naturally pretty and she doesn’t need a ton of make up to look good. Cheryl Cole has an oily face and look like a disgusting fake wax sculpture. She looks like an ugly piece of shit which is probably why she wears so much make up cause she’s insecure. Lily Allen is real and like the person said before if she smiled at you and was nice to you it was because she truly liked you not cause she’s fake. I think hanging out with Lily would be 10000X more fun than fucking Cheryl Cole. She’s a stupid slut that goes for ugly guys cause she’s fucking stupid, and she’s a stupid slut with no brain. She said Rage Against The Machine was ruining the charts because it wasn’t British but she’s so dumb she didn’t even do any research cause the X factor guy they were against was singing an American song. what a stupid whore. She probably has no taste in music. And all the male rock stars like Lily Allen even the good looking ones cause they know Lily Allen is by far better. Cheryl Cole just thinks she’s so much better than everyone else when she isn’t and she just needed Lily to wake up but obviously she can’t take that cause she is a stupid bitch. who the fuck attacks a toilet attendent anyways you have to be trash which she is. I hope Cheryl Cole dies of an STD. And the only reason she wanted to stay with Ashley Cole is cause she’s stupid and wanted to keep the name Cheryl Cole. And obviously she’s not good in bed if Ashley cheats on her, he prob doesn’t even like her anyway. Cheryl Cole needs to die asap though. she’s annoying as fuck.

  44. Anonymous says

    And stupid Cheryl Cole said she’s selling out arenas and Lily Allen can’t do that? Doesn’t she know that mainstream is shit and is all like that. All the bands who actually have talent aren’t playing arenas, they’re playing relatively small shows cause people like it better that way and most of the time you can meet them that way. Lily even though she speaks her mind, she’s right and funny most of the time. I love hearing what she thinks about things. Cheryl Cole is a fake stupid whore with no brain. Lily Allen is a million times smarter than Cheryl Cole could ever be or any of her fans who have no brain and can’t spell. Cheryl Cole sounds like a dumbass when she opens her mouth. Lily Allen’s godfather was Joe Strummer, cool as fuck. Of course the dumbass Cheryl Tweedy fans won’t know who he is cause they don’t know real music and are really dumb trash.

  45. Anonymous says

    oh not to mention Girls Aloud lip syncs at their arena shows. They are stupid unintellengent trash and they dress tacky. They probably get told what to do cause they’re so stupid, they don’t make any of their own decisions.

  46. Robert says

    Cheryl cole is 10x hotter than lily Allen,
    lily Allen is a fat waste a space

    Cheryl number 1

  47. says

    Cheryl Cole’s a wannabe… At least Lily Allen actually brings something new to the party. Cheryl isn’t even pretty.

  48. Ferret says

    Anyone notice a pattern emerging here? Everyone who talks in retardo text-speak votes for Cheryl. Those who know how to string a sentence together back Lily. Say no more.

  49. lilly allen rules says

    oh my god i love lilly allen.cheryl cole is just a sad wanabee.she has least talent in the modern pop scene.cheryl cole when she goes to the usa will become like kerry katona.cheryl cole go away lilly allen kicks your skinny anorexic arse 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 times over.

  50. xxx says

    Lily Allen started it, cheryl was just defending herself Lily Allen is talented yes, but SO unlikable!! She seems to hate everybody! If I were famous I would have fun, or at least use it to help people , not by hating on other celebrities.

  51. ALICIA says

    omg gotta love lily,
    i love her comment about cheryls mum being proud,
    you go lilly, silly litttle cheryl .