Kate Moss is a modern-day renaissance girl and there's nothing she can't do – standing around looking skinny in some clothes, standing around looking skinny next to a dirty-looking busker, sitting down looking skinny – Kate Moss has mastered them all.
And now Kate Moss can proudly add the line 'pointing at some clothes, getting other people to design stuff that looks like them and make them, sewing the words Kate Moss into them and selling them to idiots for four times more than other stuff that's almost identical' to her CV – because the Kate Moss range of clothing has gone on sale at Topshop. And, eager for it to become a success, Kate Moss has been grafting her underdeveloped arse off to sell it – by standing in a shop window for 12 seconds, after which Kate Moss collapsed with fatigue and had to be revived by a Filipino boy wafting a peacock feather at her exhausted face.
Some of you may have wondered what the fuss is about when it comes to Kate Moss, but you're all mostly bad idiots. It's perfectly obvious what the fuss is about – Kate Moss is a skinny girl who wears nice clothes sometimes. What, isn't that enough? OK then, well Kate Moss can break the internet with her bra, plus she can twat about on YouTube like a ninny, plus she's going out with a dickhead and they might get married.
But – more than that – by being such a beautiful person, Kate Moss constantly reminds us that we're all exceptionally worthless and ugly compared to her. So when Kate Moss decides to throw a bunch of clothes together for Topshop we should be grateful to her, because even though we all have faces like giant festering warthog genital warts, at least we can wear clothes that look a bit like the clothes that Kate Moss wears, and thus become slightly less offensively ugly to the human eye.
In fact, we should be so grateful to Kate Moss that we should all probably queue up outside Topshop for hours and get given colour-coordinated wristbands to stop us from crushing everyone else underfoot just to get our hands on a slightly overpriced waistcoat that Kate Moss may have sanctioned. Just like all the other idiots did last night.
Just like Madonna did with H&M, Kate Moss has designed her own range of clothing for Topshop – even though Jeff Banks says she didn't actually design anything – and the frenzy it caused was enough for several serious news organisations to write stories about what basically amounts to a skinny woman standing in a window and some people buying jeans. Reuters reports:
Hundreds of Kate Moss fans queued on Monday for an early taste of the British supermodel's first foray into fashion design at the launch of her eagerly awaited new range. The 33-year-old, who has inspired fashion trends from skinny jeans to sawn-off shorts, was at retailer Topshop's central London flagship store wearing one of her new creations – a long red dress costing 195 pounds… "I didn't think it was all that good," said Cindy Wirk, who was among the first to get to the tills. "The dresses were a bit mini and I've seen them everywhere else. I didn't think her shoe collection was very good."
Still, for all our cynicism, Kate Moss has proved that her Topshop collection is a success; proving once and for all that famous people can put their name on any old crap and people will snap it up. Except for Elton John's smelly candles, obviously – who the hell would want one of those?