'Exciting' really is a subjective term.
For example, if you asked hecklerspray to picture something 'exciting', we'd probably suggest white-water-rafting in a river full of mutant sharks. Or maybe ram-raiding a petrol station while smoking cigarettes in a car made of balsa wood. Or possibly the wildest idea we can think of: staying out really late until our mum shouts at us.
'Exciting', however, is not a word we'd use to describe the music of Lily Allen. If we were being kind, we'd say 'overplayed'. If we were being moderate, we'd say 'not our cup of tea.' And if we were being vicious – i.e. ourselves – we'd say 'unmitigated cack'.
In Lily Allen's mind, though, things are different. It's slowly becoming clear that she sees yakking away in a pretend-Brixton accent while occasionally taking recreational drugs as being on a revolutionary par with Abbie Hoffman or something.
How else could you justify the pot-calling-kettle action of Lily slagging off fellow Brit Nominee Corinne Bailey Rae?
Lily Allen's tirade went something like this:
"Corinne Bailey Rae? I think she's a bit boring, sorry. She's a lovely girl but I don't think her music stands out and I'd be a bit annoyed if she won Best Female Artist. I'd be really happy if Amy Winehouse wins, though. She's brilliant. When I heard about the nominations I felt like it was a bit of a burden. I hate being in competitions because I never win. I'll go home with nothing. I just know I will."
Ladies, ladies… allow hecklerspray to settle this argument.
All we have to do is take one look at the simple fact: that Ms. Allen, Ms. Rae and Ms. Winehouse are all nominated for a Brit Award, which means – by default – that their music is the sort of insipid wallpaper favoured only by Mondeo-driving accountants who buy two CDs a year. Therefore the overall level of rubbishness is levelled out, distilled and refined in an equilibrium of mediocrity that not even the Red Hot Chili Peppers could come close to topping.
Well. Maybe if they really tried.