It might not have had the brain-numbing impact of Britney Spears flubbing her comeback, or Kid Rock scrapping with Tommy Lee like a couple of schoolgirls, but something else happened at the MTV VMAs on Sunday.
Shia LaBeouf – the annoying kid from Disturbia, the annoying kid from Transformers and soon to be the annoying kid from Indiana Jones 4 – let slip at the MTV VMAs that the title of the new Indiana Jones movie will be Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull. There's still a lot left unknown about Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull – like what part Shia LaBeouf plays in it, or even what time period the movie will be set in, but our crack team of insiders have informed us that there's a very strong chance that Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull will include several scenes of kingdoms, skulls, a crystal-like substance and Indiana Jones.
Well, who'd have thought than an awards show held by the company responsible for endless re-runs of My Super Sweet 16 could be able to generate so many headlines. Last year nothing exciting happened at the MTV VMAs whatsoever, but this year the whole show was full of table jumping and fighting and listless megastars and there was nary a Black Eyed Pea in sight. And, on top of all of that, Shia LaBeouf told everyone what the title of the new Indiana Jones film was.
The progress of the newest Indiana Jones movie has had us breathless with anticipation right from the moment that a script for Indiana Jones 4 was finally greenlit. From then on, no Indiana Jones 4 nugget was too small to avoid attention – first Indiana Jones 4 got a release date and then an all-star cast featuring cockney hard-man Ray Winstone and lovely Oscar-winner Cate Blanchett, but not crotchety old Sean Connery. And now, finally, Indiana Jones 4 has a title, and it's all thanks to Indiana Jones 4 star Shia LaBeouf.
Shia LaBeouf, you see, had a number one movie in Disturbia and a number one movie in Transformers, so he can do what the hell he likes – and, as Showbuzz reports – that's what Shia LaBeouf did during Sunday's MTV VMAs:
It wasn't the most significant and certainly not the most shocking moment of the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards ceremony, but actor Shia LaBeouf decided to announce the name of the new "Indiana Jones" movie, because he said "I'm 21 and we're in Vegas baby." Against the wishes of the film's producer George Lucas and director Stephen Spielberg, LaBeouf, this summer's breakout sensation announced that the fourth movie would be called "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull." "It's a big deal," LaBeouf said. "Nobody's ever heard it before."
We're not sure what the crowd's reaction to Shia LaBeouf telling them that they should be impressed was, but we'd imagine it was either "What about Britney fucking everything up, huh?" or "Wow, Kid Rock just punched Tommy Lee!" But, hey, at least we know that the official title for the next Indiana Jones movie is Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull – beating off other strong movie-title competitors like Indiana Jones And The Lost City Of Gold, Indiana Jones and the City of Gods, Indiana Jones and the Destroyer of Worlds, Indiana Jones and the Quest for the Covenant and Indiana Jones and the Fourth Corner of the Earth which, as we all know, is Basildon.
However, Shia LaBeouf may have put his career in jeopardy by announcing the title of Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull so blithely, against the wishes of Stephen Spielberg and George Lucas. After all, Shia would do well to remember that the role of Short Round in Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom originally featured a lengthy six-page monologue about the human condition and the nature of greed that reduced everyone who heard it to fits of tears, only for Stephen Spielberg to reduce it to "Okey dokey Doctor Jones, hold onto your potatoes" after Ke Huy Quan revealed that the villain in the movie was a creepy child.
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King Jimbo says
Is this the start of a disturbing new trend where all new films have titles like some sort of Harry Potter movie reject? Kingdom of the crysal Skull? Really?? It’s like one of those terrible yet entertaining Conan rip offs
from the 80’s featuring women with 3 breasts!
Internet Pedant says
Wasn’t that Total Recall?
Actually, after the horrors Mr Lucas inflicted upon us after revisiting his last successful franchise, I am not as excited as I should be about this film.
King Jimbo says
Ahh Total Recall, great stuff.
But I’m refering to The Warrior and the Scorceress, 1984. But looking at the poster I can’t tell if she had 4 or 6 breats… so I wasn’t totally accurate.
tiger tim says
—Yet more stillborn Boomer era franchise slum —‘product’.
Meanwhile, having made BILLIONS upon BILLIONS outsourcing cheap
labor and unflinchingly catering to the multi-plex denial needs
of history’s –MOST– awesomely genocidal regime —ACROSS the
Pacific —and as millions continue to suffer and die
-Hollywood once again, ‘mysteriously overlooked’ the 60th
Anniversary of the urgently relevant, indeed, STILL unfolding
—KOREAN WAR.
AMEN