As far as overlong flatulent children's books about annoyingly dour boy wizards written by billionaires who can't self-edit go, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is up there with The Tedious Adventures Of Mystic Gerald by Oprah Winfrey.
But Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is probably a smidge more popular than that made-up book. In fact, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is probably more popular than any children's book ever written. Or any book. Or any thing. Or breathing. On its first day of publication in America alone on Saturday, it's estimated that 8.3 million copies of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows were sold – a fittingly successful end to the preposterously successful Harry Potter series. And, judging by the speed that most children read, we've estimated that around 5.7 million of those Harry Potter readers are just about to get to the bit of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows where the owl dies.
If there was one thing that Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows didn't suffer from, it was a lack of hype. For months now, ever since JK Rowling decided to announce the title of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows with a game on her website, Harry Potter fans have been drooling with anticipation over the fate of their miserable, occasionally naked and horse-stabby wizard hero. The various covers of the Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows book were combed for clues about the ending, the man who does the Harry Potter audiobooks decided that Harry Potter would die and even JK Rowling took time out from moaning about thin people to explain just how sad writing the end of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows made her.
And on Saturday, at the stroke of midnight, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows was published to an eager world. Although there may have been some concern that Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows would be a flop thanks to Harry Potter spoilers coming from an apparent Pope-ordered hacker claiming that Hermione dies and whole copies of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows that were leaked online, in reality there was nothing much to worry about at all because first day sales of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows exceeded even the record-busting first day sales of Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince, the previous book in the series.
Although presale orders of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows were up 17% on the last book, demand for the final Harry Potter was staggering. In America first day sales of Deathly Hallows were thought to be at around 8.3 million, while in Britain WHSmith stores were reportedly selling copies of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows at a rate of around 15 a second. Reuters reports on the global scenes of Harry Potter idiocy:
In New York, two teenaged boys disguised as wizards ran around with brooms between their legs, pretending to battle each other in a game of Quidditch. Social worker Julia Schafer, 26, anxiously waited in line to find out her hero's fate. "I would really hope that Voldemort dies. The evil has to end," she said. In Australia, a fan had to be rescued from a lake in Canberra on Friday after he dived in to rescue a pre-purchase receipt necessary to pick up his book. In Pakistan, a bomb scare in Karachi forced a shop to cancel a Potter event.
So that's the news. Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is a very popular book and all is well for everyone. Not only that, but this is the last you'll ever hear from us about Harry Potter forever. Well, maybe not forever – there are still two more Harry Potter movies to be released, so we'll probably mention those a bit. And we might say something about the Wizarding World Of Harry Potter theme-park when it opens. And whatever book JK Rowling decides to write next. And we'll probably report it when Hermione finally gets a boyfriend. And the next story that hecklerspray publishes directly after this one will be at least partly about Harry Potter.
But then that's it, we promise.
Probably.
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flierpa says
in the end, harry d… er. and then they all k… but not so much as snape and his… but seriously, excellent read, really dark and gloomy. with dollops of warmth.
melinda says
i couldnt put it down, it had it all suspence through the whole book , it had me laughing at times and it had me mad at the way some of them were acting but it also had me crying and excited overall it was good i hated to see it end but in all harry got the girl.