Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows. Get used to saying that – Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is the official title for the final Harry Potter book, so it's inevitable that Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows will outsell The Bible at some point.
JK Rowling and the Harry Potter publishers yesterday announced the title of the final Harry Potter book yesterday via an annoyingly complicated online game of hangman – Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows. Now, that's all we know about the final Harry Potter book – there isn't even a release date yet – and it's leading to all sorts of speculation from the children and adults who can't read proper books yet that make up the Harry Potter fan army. Deathly Hallows? Sounds a bit gloomy – perhaps Harry Potter really will die at the end of the book like everyone says. And just what the hell is a 'deathly hallows' anyway? However, hecklerspray can exclusively reveal that Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is a hoax name to give the impression that Harry Potter will come to a nasty end – the real title of the book is Harry Potter And The Lovely Rainbow-Coloured Munchkin Rabbits Of Bibbledy Bobbledy Lane.
OK, OK – while we were getting caught up in the blistering excitement of JK Rowling sort of having a vaguely Harry Potter-themed dream once, we missed the bigger picture. That bigger picture was the unveiling of the title of the final Harry Potter book – Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows. Which, as far as big pictures go, is pretty shit; but you can guarantee that millions of children right now are scrawling half-arsed crayon pictures of Harry Potter having a fight with Lord Voldemort so they can post it to JK Rowling with a note reading 'pleze maik dis va cuvva of Hari Pota n Da Defli Hello'. ABC reports:
Rowling's U.S. publisher, Scholastic Inc., released a brief statement Thursday announcing the name of the world's most anticipated children's book, the finale to her phenomenally popular fantasy series. No publication date or other details were offered. Rowling is still working on the book, she explained on her Web site in an entry posted early Thursday.
So that's it. The last Harry Potter book has a name. But what does it mean? Something about dead saints, obviously, so we're expecting the villains to be All Saints, destroying everything in their path as revenge for the world ignoring their rubbish comeback album. And from the title can we guess what will happen in Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows? Will Harry Potter die like the man from the Carry On films said? Will Harry Potter kiss more girls like he does in the trailer for the new movie? But most of all, will JK Rowling make enough money from sales of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows that she can finally accomplish her dream of building a machine that uses the sun's power to destroy anybody who doesn't really like Harry Potter that much?
Now that everybody knows that Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is called Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, everyone can get on with the rest of their lives again. Emma Watson can continue being ignored by boys, JK Rowling can continue to bitch and whine about how models are thinner than her and Daniel Radcliffe can take off all his clothes and blind more horses with sharp metal rods. And you? Well you can play JK Rowling's special little Harry Potter book title guessing game, can't you. ABC has the details:
If you go to jkrowling.com, click on the eraser and you will be taken to a room you'll see a window, a door and a mirror. In the mirror, you'll see a hallway. Click on the farthest doorknob and look for the Christmas tree. They click on the center of the door next to the mirror and a wreath appears. Then click on the top of the mirror and you'll see a garland. Look for a cobweb next to the door. Click on it, and it will disappear. Now, look at the chimes in the window. Click on the second chime to the right, and hold it down. The chime will turn into the key, which opens the door. Click on the wrapped gift behind the door, then click on it again and figure out the title yourself by playing a game of hangman.
Here's a hint – the title of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows. Good luck chums!