Of all the stars of Desperate Housewives, Eva Longoria is by far the most entertaining. Not because of her acting ability or anything, but because she seems pathologically unable to not say a bunch of ridiculous crap all the time.
Now Eva Longoria has said that Desperate Housewives will be the last time any of you plebs see her on TV – after that you'll all have to go and pay to see her at the cinema because Eva Longoria is going to be a big movie star. And we're obviously happy to go along with Eva Longoria's plan to keep away from our TV screens, especially if it means she stops making those shit adverts about how nice her hair looks.
Part of Eva Longoria's gormless appeal is the way that she never seems satisfied with her lot. While other members of the Desperate Housewives cast are happy to get engaged to Michael Bolton and then flog their engagement ring on eBay or get pregnant or deny shagging men in a van, Eva Longoria – aka the Desperate Housewife most likely to inspire masturbation in teenage boys – is always striving for more, like having someone make a picture of her so gigantic that it can be seen from space.
However, such is the magnitude of Eva Longoria's desperate quest to be centre of attention all the time, occasionally she puts the odd foot wrong. For instance, Eva Longoria telling the world that her boyfriend wasn't very good at sex was a bit shortsighted, and Eva Longoria's weird preoccupation with her shaved vagina just confuses more than it arouses. And now Eva Longoria seems to have made another mistake – she's claimed that after Desperate Housewives is over, she'll never make another TV show again:
"I would never leave Desperate Housewives. I love doing both [film and TV], but I would never do another TV show after Desperate Housewives. No."
Ooh, get you, Little Miss Bigshot. Now that Eva Longoria has starred in that almost-definitively generic film with Michael Douglas and Kiefer Sutherland that nobody went to see – we think Eva played Third Concerned Female FBI Agent – she's now making lofty statements about never wanting to be on the telly again. However, we can't help thinking that Eva Longoria has spoken a bit too soon – we're sure Courtney Cox didn't think she'd be on TV again after Friends, but she is.
Maybe we're wrong though; after all, fans of paying £8 to sit in a dark room full of hoodies texting each other in order to watch Eva Longoria's giant face can rest assured in the knowledge that Eva Longoria's next movie will be out next year, entitled How I Met My Boyfriend's Dead Fiance.
Christ, with movie titles like that in the works, Eva Longoria must be hoping that Desperate Housewives never ends.
Read more:
No More TV For Longoria After Housewives – RTE
[story by Stuart Heritage]
Upaj Os says
Vaginas have no hair to shave. I think you meant “vulva”.