Desperate Housewife and professional hair salesman Eva Longoria wasn't very sexy in 2004, and then suddenly very sexy in 2005. The good news is that Eva Longoria has retained her sexiness level for 2006.
That's according to Maxim magazine, which has just stopped violently masturbating over all those L'Oreal adverts long enough to publish its annual 'Hot 100' list. Walking cameltoe Eva Longoria has made it to the top of the Hot 100 for the second year on the trot – the first time anyone has managed to do so.
Hooray – it looks as if all that time spent dressing up in eye-melting clothes and talking astronomic amounts of attention-seeking bibble has finally paid off for young Eva.
The Maxim Hot 100 list isn't an outmoded way of objectifying women into nothing more than a gallery of airbrushed, pretend sexually-available wanktargets for bumfluff-faced boys like you think – oh no, the Maxim Hot 100 is a way of rewarding 'the most successful women in film, TV, music, sports and fashion.'
And the most successful woman in film, TV, music, sports and fashion is Eva Longoria, a woman who splits her time equally between starring in Desperate Housewives – sort of like Sex And The City without any of the sex or cities – dressing up in clothes so ludicrous that she makes Su Pollard look demure, and talking giant amounts of rubbish about her brilliant vagina or how her boyfriend doesn't know anything about sex.
Eva Longoria is also record-breakingly sexy, too – this is the first time that Maxim editors have voted the same woman number one back-to-back. Can Eva Longoria make it to three years as the Maxim Hot 100 leader? Will she be overtaken by someone younger and prettier in 2007? Do any of you actually care about any of this? Eva Longoria does, and she said:
"I was actually really shocked last year when I made the list [number 91, 2004]. So 91 to No 1 was a big jump, and then to get it a second time in a row – I just couldn't believe it. I was like, 'Surely there are more beautiful women in the world.' I can name 10."
So there you have it, Eva Longoria only estimates that she's the 11th sexiest woman in the world. At least she knows that she's sexier than the rest of her Desperate Housewives co-stars. Michael Bolton-loving Nicollette Sheridan came in at number 48 while glass pirate Teri Hatcher was named number 73. Better luck next year, The Ginger One and The Transsexual One.
Maybe we're being too hard on Eva Longoria. After all, it takes a special kind of lady to repel all the aliens as well as she does.
Read more:
Eva Top Of Maxim's Hot 100 – Again – Dotmusic
[story by Stuart Heritage]