Britney Spears In Truly Newsworthy Car Accident

If a regular person like you were to be involved in a car accident, the only way you could expect to make the headlines would be if it involved an overturned lorry, five squashed school kids, one heavily concussed granny and a rescue effort from Tom Cruise.

And even then you probably wouldn’t get a name mention, just simply be referred to as ‘man’, and if your really, really lucky, that’ll be prefixed with a description of your race.

Whereas, if you’re Britney Spears, all you need do to start a worldwide ‘Car-crash!’ frenzy is gently kiss your bumper against the car in front, with not so much as one injury - fatal or otherwise - or even so much as a scratch on yours or any other person’s vehicle.

The lucky bitch.

The police have said that Britney bumped into a Nissan with her Mercedes while driving through slow-moving traffic in California yesterday, but there was no damage and nobody in any of the cars was injured.

Hecklerspray would like to ask: why are you still reading this? Seriously, why? Why not instead read our earlier article about Britney and K-Fed remarrying; or Alicia Keys saying the government killed 2Pac and Biggie; or the one about the world’s biggest penis? Loads of people like that one. All far more interesting.

Only kidding, this story is of course immense, and here comes a bit more:

The Nissan then bumped into another vehicle but…there was no damage and…there were no injuries. BBC news reports that officers from the California Highway Patrol went to the scene and investigated it a bit to see if anyone should be charged. And how many charges did they dish out? You’ve guessed it: zero.

Are we still awake? Surely no one has read this far down?

You can’t really blame us though, hecklerspray is just the messenger, we’re doing our job reporting this to you, the blame lies solely with you. Ignore it and it might go away.

This is not the first time Britney has been involved in a traffic accident, of course. Last August she escaped a hit-and-run charge, in 2006 she was photographed driving with one of her sons in her lap.

Next time do it properly please, Britney. We’re not saying you need to squash five school kids like we would, we understand you’re above that, but could you not concuss just one granny for us?

Shame on you if you’ve read this far. There’s a war on you know!

Read more - Spears’ car causes motorway crash - BBC