Cars are dangerous things as far as Britney Spears is concerned – if she’s not getting out of them vagina-first in front of every single camera on earth, then she’s driving around erratically in them with her kids inside.
And while the former goes woefully unpunished, the latter at least has seen Britney Spears get banned from driving a car while her children are onboard. A judge hit Britney Spears with the ban on Friday after video emerged of her running a red light on a busy Los Angeles interchange, but Britney is damned if she’s going to take this news sitting down – we’ve heard that she’s ready to exploit the wide open ‘car-only’ loophole in the ban by transporting her two sons around town in a succession of tanks, saddled grizzly bears, fireballs and robot pterodactyls made from shards of broken syringe-glass from now on.
We don’t know about you, but we’re slowly becoming more and more resigned to the fact that the child custody battle between Britney Spears and Kevin Federline is never going to end, not even when Sean Preston and Jayden James are pensioners and Britney and Kevin’s lawyers are just fighting on behalf of two dead piles of dust – although in that scenario we’d imagine that dead dustpile Britney Spears would make a more convincing pop star that the current barely-alive Britney Spears.
Anyway, the Britney Spears/ Kevin Federline child custody case is rattling on, with the now-familiar pattern of Britney Spears getting filmed doing something dumb and Kevin Federline dragging everyone to court and Britney Spears getting a slap on the wrist showing no sign of letting up. And this latest incident, in case you’ve managed to get this far without actually reading any words, is about Britney Spears’ driving skills.
Britney Spears is known for being a terrible driver, whether she’s speeding around with a kid perched beltless on her lap, or with a kid in a poorly-installed baby seat or smashing into another car and then walking away – all without a valid California driving license. But the thing that’s caused the new upset is the video of Britney Spears running a red light at an LA interchange with her two sons onboard and a mobile phone held an inch to her face, even though people were all shouting “Red light!” at her while she was doing it.
Needless to say, Kevin Federline took the whole thing back to court for another hearing – with a photographer apparently testifying against Britney – and the result is that Britney Spears has been indefinitely banned from driving her children around. A source told People magazine that:
“The tape of Britney running the red light was not viewed today, but it was a major point of the hearing. Britney’s lawyers brought in an expert who argued that, for whatever reason, Britney could have made the turn through the red light.”
If Sean Preston or Jayden James were old enough to understand, we’re sure that they’d be relieved – by banning Britney Spears from driving them the judge has effectively reduced the chances of them getting mangled in a car accident, increasing the possibility that they’re grow up to become the emotionally-crippled, undereducated, socially-inept adults that they’ve always had the potential to be.
Officially the Britney Spears/ Kevin Federline child custody case is due back in court on November 26, which means that realistically Kevin Federline will only drag the circus back to court for emergency hearings another billion or so times before that.
Anon says
I’m not so sure that cars would be the most dangerous thing in Britney’s life if it weren’t for the paparazzi chasing her in droves.
OK, Britney’s a soft target but when the paps are driving tougher people like George Clooney and Nicole Kidman to distraction and court there’s a problem.
People seem to have forgotten that the paparazzi effectively killed Princess Di, and having contributed to her death – stood around taking pictures of her dying.
I defy anyone to drive their kids safely whilst being chased by 50 paparazzi…
gir says
Yes, the papparazzi certainly did kill Princess Diana, it wasn’t the LARGE QUANTITIES OF ALCOHOL that the driver had consumed. OH NO PEOPLE MIGHT TAKE PICTURES OF ME QUICK MR. SLOPPY DRUNK HOP IN AND DRIVE AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!!
Why do you idiots give celebrities a pass? I’m looking at you, crash course. Are you under some illusion that their lives are so hard because people take pictures of them? Are they to be excused from basic social requirements because every photo of their floppy, soiled vagina steals a little bit of their soul?