TV Review – The World’s Biggest Penis, Channel Four
Head shot. The man’s name is Jonah Falcon. There’s no denying that Jonah is blessed with a beautiful name. But – sweet shitting crikey – it’s his behemoth phallus that grabs the plaudits. A farmer apparently told him he was “built like a mule.” Welcome to The World’s Biggest Penis, shown last night on Channel Four.
Fact fans will be interested to note that your average penis is six inches long when, ahem, full of blood. Jonah’s is 13-and-a-half inches. Nearly double. It’s no joke to imagine being clubbed to death by it. There are smaller salmon. Obviously, a man with a massive thing like that isn’t going to be shy about it (who wouldn’t be?), and when it is unleashed on camera… well, it’s enough to scare a police horse. Probably make it quite jealous too.
It’s so long that Jonah can wrap it around his hand a couple of times. This just isn’t right. He could do back-stroke and – no doubt – there would be a few Cock Ness Monster gags flying about. You see, Jonah has the World’s Biggest Penis. Sure enough, he’s made his money from it (although not in skin flicks) and subsequently, craves the attention that it has obviously brought from both men and women alike.
Jonah is not alone. The World’s Biggest Penis cuts to Dan. Dan lives in Los Angeles. The
narrator tells us he’s an “intelligent man, but would like to remain anonymous.” Dan pipes up with ‘women, like, uh, see it, like, uh, like a superhuman type of, uh, superpower, like uh, yeah, a super type
thing’. Now think on. This kid is intelligent.
Dan spends his time on an Internet forum called ‘the Large Penis Support Group’ to share his problems with other women, and hopefully meet women who call themselves ’size queens’.
We can now assume that any women who took an interest in this article have now disappeared and logged on to the support group website.
Sure they’ve gone, but they’ll be back. Doubled up in agony. During The World’s Biggest Penis one man, obviously with an incredible wang, referred to relations with his partner as ‘a brutal and strenuous act of affection’.
The lady in question nodded in agreement, and told a tale or two about the logistics of her and her partners bedroom habits. Having one up the bum-bum in the shower et cetera.
One thing that is obvious from The World’s Biggest Penis is the effect that having a big’un tends to overshadow your personality. That it isn’t really the blessing that you’d think.
Going back to Jonah, he seemed like a nice enough guy. Self-analysing, and self-deprecating. However, without his phallus, he doesn’t get a second look.
So, he’s taken to (occasionally) wearing tight, gold, lame trousers to show off his alien appendage. One thing you’ve learnt is that having a gigantic old chap doesn’t buy you taste.
As ever, The World’s Biggest Penis was one of those broadcasts that was frequented by the odd expert , social commentator or some seldom heard-of writer.
These talking heads pop up and deliver profound insights into the staggeringly obvious, like:
‘It would appear that having a large penis is not good at times’.
Thanks for that.
Next we met Steed. Steed, other than being yet another person blessed with a superb name, is from California. Steed and his bruised banana – a bloody great big bruised banana “is well known on the gay scene in the West Coast.
Steed told us that his member actively affected his choice of sexuality. Men are better equipped to deal with one of these monstrosities than women. Women get hurt.
The back door presumably has miles of intestines to work with. All said, Steed is a reasonably
sombre character who spends his time “fulfilling other people’s destiny” on various websites. Rig up the web-cam, show off your wares and make someone very very happy. This obviously is not satisfying for Steed.
Satisfaction seems to be a thing he lacks, and when talking about his sex life, he approaches it from a mathematical angle. Understandable considering.
By the time we got to Omar from Nottingham, the novelty was wearing a little thin. What does prick up your ears, though, is the news that his phallus was being given a dubious honour. It will be immortalised. By taking a cast of it and a company will fashion a sex toy from it.
Again, Omar seemed like a pretty stand up fella when he spoke of the problems he’s faced and how a cock like his can pose problems.
Maybe it is difficult to imagine these guys as nice chaps when your machismo immediately assumes they’ll be natural born show-offs. Omar was certainly not. He was under no illusion why he had gone from being a bit part in The Bill and Only Fools And Horses to being a very well paid actor in adult films.
Much like the dick on show here, The World’s Biggest Penis goes on for far too long. In fact, the viewer probably ended up feeling like an unsuspecting lady. In pain and a bit bored. Like the viewer, the novelty seemed to have worn thin with the owners of these men of silly girth and length. They are men
who are constantly trying to redefine themselves.
It is obviously difficult in the ample sundial shadow of your all walking, talking penis. So the only thing left? Get it out and smile. As stated before, who wouldn’t?
Read more:
The World’s Biggest Penis – Channel Four
[story by Mof Gimmers]
I’m going to start a blog devoted just to big penises and live off the ad earnings. And Sarah, I was going to say something rather horrid about/to you but unaccountably I had an attack of common good courtesy instead. So, nicely said!
My penis types over 60 words per minute. In fact, it is typing this post while I use my hands to eat breakfast. Multitasking is where its at.
mines in the other room making us drinks. is that normal?
Yo crazy ass your cock is bigger then your hight ow…..so sad,you don’t have any choice to cut your….. Watever and who was that lady spocked her boyfriend has 8-9inches,well I know her very well the truth is her bf got 8-9cm…..it’s beter to say that 6inches cock is perfect then don’t think that i’m 6inches,I’m a guy of a simple taste i’m 9.5inches not crazy as you people.
i’m 13 and my penis is 86.62 inches long and an even 18 in circumference… when not erect… also my testicles are approx. the size of softballs. i cant really wear shorts or else my penis and balls just hang out onto the ground… i have to wear pants so i can hve it folded up inside and down one pant leg. i have won 16 fights with it with not a scratch on it after. i just slither it out of my pants and punch and strangle with it. it can move pretty darn fast. in fact nodody has ever been able to get a hold of it or even touch it at all in those fights. the doctor says my pubic hair amount is way above average for adult. i run track and have also won all of the contests, but thats just my fitness. i can lift up to 643 pounds with it and lastly, i have to kinda run down the halls at school in between classes because all the girls are grouping around me gigling and trying to touch me, they see the giaant long thick muscular veiny bulge in my pants, and go crazy. they say i have the perfect face too… all this has made my life very different from all the other boys, and a lot more strange… anyway, i was wondering if this is something to be proud of? is my penis too small?
I am the Biggest Cock and i love my big cock. It’s a great cock that once you get to know him he’ll do anything for you. I even help him run the country every Monday and Friday. He even has his own Mobile Cheeese van he uses that to drive around the country to sell his home made cheese. Its a great cheese thats liked by all. Is it normal for a cock to make such good tasting cheese??
My dick is so big i can fuck girls 50 miles away!
is this normal?
hello everyone i am just writing to see if anyone has a bigger penis than me and i have to say i have a 18 inch penis and i am 32.
my cock is 5 inches and im 15 is this normal
Well I’m sure glad you people find this all so damn funny. I’m a 34 year old man and my penis is so big that I was told by the doctor that I cannot have an erection for more than 3-4 minutes or I will die.I have to take drugs to help control my erections. Do you know what it’s like to never even be able to jack off? When I was 16 I had to be rushed to the hospital b/c my penis had gotten wrapped around my neck while I was sleeping and I got a boner (which also left my penis permanently coiled like a 10-ft. slinky). Luckily my mom was awake and heard me gasping for air and trying to yell and called 911, or I would not be here right now, reading all of your ridiculous, ignorant and insulting comments.
hey, im 12 and my wang is 5 and a half inches… is this above or below average? what is average?
Do you all realize that most women love an average size penis. I personally am a little above average, but that is nothing to brag about, you must use a lot more lubrication, you must be delicate with a woman and not just ram the shit out of her. Several times my wife and I had to stop because it hurts. Start slow and delicate, then let her get her orgasm. That will lube her up to the point that you can almost insert all the way and can have a great orgasm themselves. I woman cannot do much with a 9 in. penis so anything past 8″ is a waste. Be proud, women love confidence in the bedroom, and do not have an endless pussy. So whether little or big, fuck like champs all the time.
Awh sounds like theese guy are a bunch of cry babies. My wife was just caling me a short dick prick the other day. If their so bored with al that dick they can always send a couple inches my way!!
Hi i am a size queen and love guys with huge cocks. For some reson when a guy sports 12 inches or more i simply go crazy over it. If guys can like big boobs why cant girls love big cocks .
Hi,Kathi
I,d like to send and recieve messages with you
besides, i,m anxious to fuck you with my 16″ dick
Hey I’m three and a half years old and my penis is 18 inches long, is that small for my age?
Hey i am in my mother womb still (I have wireless internet in here) and i had this chick over the other day and we were about to do it when she saw my penis… Well she didnt exactly see it because when she pulled my pants down it poked her in the eye and killed her.. IS THIS NORMAL
Hi, im 5 days old and my penis is 20 metres long, it drags along the floor when i walk around, sometimes i trip over it and hurt myself. I sometimes try and wrap it up in a ball and tie it in knots before i go for a walk but it always ends up hanging out of the bottom of my trousers and trailing along behind me. Also, when i go for a swim, it hangs out the bottom of my trunks and seems to swim along with me. Im not quite sure what to do, shall i leave it as it is or cut it shorter? Please help me.
i,ve a friend and huis name is jerry peetermain and his pen friend is my penis it so hard in kids this kids ass it makes him do things like write a play about lebanese giraffes stalking killer lemon trees in brazil. i love my mothers tight pussy!!!!!
Hi I live in Reno but my cock does not and I’m 13 and three quarters and once my cock was in Vegas but I was not and my cock hit a jack-pot but did not have I.D. is this normal? Also, my cock is kinda big.
I’m 32 and haven’t been through puberty yet. It started at 16. I hated it because i was a “late bloomer” and all of the other kids had such big cocks. I was always embarasses to go into the showers. At 16 i started getting hair down there and lots of pimples. Then at 16 and a half nothing. I still have no hair anywhere else, a little tuff of dark hair on my junk, but it’s real fine. My doctor says my metabolism did some reverse cojudeadenal thing, i don’t know what the fuck he’s talking about, but my penis is only 15 inches long? When, oh, when will i fill out? Is this normal?
And midgets are hot!!! I think, since i’m not fully a man yet,
My penis held my testicles against a cinder block and then smashed them with a tack hammer.
I’m pressing charges.
My penis is 3 inches long and 19 inches wide. From the top down it looks like I’m looking at a cake side on. I’m 11 years old.
Is that normal for a boy of my age?
well my dick is the best and who wants to shag cum on baby! haha! i will lick ya fanny shag ya until it hurts oooooooooooooo! haha!
Most Buzz! Genius. The redesign delivers.
Aha I most deff. Found those baby jokes with the large penis’s exxxtremly amusing [:
I hope mr.13 inch doesn’t break his “shaboinka” coz then he can’t have sex for like three months and has to take viagra for like 6 and the worst part is. He LOSES 3inches :\
And google it, it is possible for a man to break his shaboinka
Well i just turned 13 and my penis is i think 8 and a half inches i don’t know if thats normal my friend Cody Lafoy has a 2 inch penis and he is almost 14
I cannot find my “penis”. Where exactly is it located?
Can someone show me a map to it or something? I need help soon.
If possible, call me at 1.800.911 to place an appointment or show me a diagram of some sort.
hi, i havent been conceived yet and my penis is 9 inches, IS THIS NORMAL?
My parents have yet to be conceived and my cock looks like a 2 liter bottle at a 1:1 scale. Is this normal?
I am a man and I have a penis between my legs. Is this normal?
Hello my name is micheal and i work for the hospital my penis is so long i can spin it around and i can fly to emergency situations like medivac so my long penis saves lives every day i think it deserves a medal dont you?
Hello my penis is seven inches long well when it is soft when its hard its three and sometimes when i go pee it whistles show tunes is this normal? any girls that like show tunes call me