Nobody has been properly able to grieve for Anna Nicole Smith yet – although that's partially to do with the mental image of her weird clown face, it also has a lot to do with nobody knowing who the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby daughter is.
But all of that could change this week, because it has finally been announced that a judge in the Bahamas yesterday ordered that the long-awaited DNA paternity test on Anna Nicole Smith's daughter Dannielynn Hope be carried out soon. Finally we'll be able to discover who Anna Nicole Smith's babydaddy is. Is it Larry Birkhead? Is it Howard K Stern? Is it that implausible old German man who appears to have had some kind of penile dysfunction thing going on? Anna Nicole Smith babydaddy DNA paternity test: the inevitable anti-climax – coming soon.
We don't know about you, but we're thrilled that a judge in the Bahamas has ordered a DNA paternity test to discover who the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter is, if for no other reason that keeping excited about all this Anna Nicole Smith business is getting to be a little bit uphill – yesterday a judge who was barely involved with Anna Nicole Smith smoked some drugs in a park and we treated it like the most significant news story of the last decade, just to try and maintain some Anna Nicole Smith-related interest.
But this, this is a properly large story – it won't be too long before we know who the father of Anna Nicole Smith's daughter Dannielynn Hope is, as Metro reports:
Anna Nicole Smith's baby daughter is to have a DNA test to find out who her father is, according to a lawyer for the tragic former Playboy model. A judge in the Bahamas ordered a DNA test on six-month-old Dannielynn yesterday, Deborah Rose, a lawyer for Anna's mother, Virgie Arthur, said. The move could end the bitter paternity battle between Anna's partner Howard Stern and her ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead, who both claim to be the six-month-old's father.
The paternity case over Anna Nicole Smith's daughter has raged on for months now, preceding even Anna Nicole Smith's death. Dannielynn Hope's birth certificate names the father as Howard K Stern, Anna Nicole Smith's lawyer and occasional fake wedding partner, but Stern has faced non-stop competition from Anna Nicole Smith's ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead, who also claims to be the father and has pushed for a DNA paternity test since day one – something that Anna Nicole Smith and, latterly, Howard K Stern have strongly resisted.
That's not to say that Larry Birkhead and Howard K Stern are the only men to have claims of Anna Nicole Smith's baby. Zsa Zsa Gabor's German husband says he has a case, as does Anna Nicole Smith's former bodyguard – not to mention Anna Nicole Smith's long dead billionaire husband J Howard Marshall, whose frozen sperm Anna Nicole Smith had taken to eating or something.
But now that a judge has finally ordered the DNA paternity test on Dannielynn Hope, it looks like the final chapter of the Anna Nicole Smith story will come to a close. And everyone will be happy. And we'll have not hing left to write about. And then you'll stop reading. And we'll be sad. Quick – someone contaminate the samples before it's too late!