When you've adopted as many kids as Angelina Jolie, you start to learn all kinds of lessons – like how to say "We don't like Jennifer Aniston, do we" in Vietnamese – but protecting your adopted children from kidnap probably isn't among them.
Nevertheless, a plot has apparently been uncovered to kidnap Angelina Jolie's newest adopted baby Pax Thien and hold him hostage for a £50 million ransom. And, accordingly, it's thought that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have stepped up their security to brand new levels to make sure nothing like this ever happens to Pax Thien or any of their other children again. Paying for extra security is obviously the wisest move, since a kidnap would mean that Angelina Jolie would need to make ten more Tomb Raider sequels to cover the cost of the £50 million ransom. Those kidnappers sure are one bunch of sick bastards to want to put us through that.
Aside from making films that never quite live up to expectations and laughing at pictures of Jennifer Aniston all day, nothing is more important to Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt than the safety of their children. It's as plain as the nose on your face; Angelina Jolie's beefed-up security guards are always choking photographers or calling the secret service on photographers or getting photographers thrown into foreign jails. Those security guards are pretty much all over any threat posed to Angelina Jolie and her children by any photographers with the nerve to take pictures without paying Angelina millions of dollars first. Well, photographers and Indians, of course.
And now Angelina Jolie's security can add 'potential baby kidnappers' too, after they apparently foiled a gang's effort to snatch Angelina's new baby Pax Thien and hold him to ransom for £50 million – or $98 million – as The Sun reports:
Bodyguards heard of a “credible and meticulously planned” bid to snatch the newly adopted three-year-old as he was flown back from Vietnam. The Hollywood couple would have a few days to pay up or risk the boy’s LIFE, it was alleged. The gang behind the plot has a track record for pulling off kidnappings, US reports claim. A security insider said: “They’re highly skilled operatives with little regard for human life. The gang ordered their LA members to devise a plan to kidnap Pax before demanding a ransom of £50million — equal to the profit from a year of drug dealing.”
The fear of having one of their children kidnapped and held to ransom must be impossibly worrying for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie – but at least they both have the ability to protect Pax Thien and their other children by utilising skills picked up during their long movie careers. For instance, both Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were in Mr & Mrs Smith, which means they must have a vast knowledge of firearms between them. Also, Brad Pitt must still remember some swordfighting lessons from his time on Troy, and Angelina Jolie was in Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow – which means that she'll always be ready to save Pax Thien's life by flying an aeroplane with an eyepatch on and cackling a lot.
It's worth pointing out, of course, that Brad Pitt's slaves have denied that there is any truth whatsoever in this story. And there might be some credence in that, since only a really stupid gang would want to kidnap a boy that Angelina Jolie only adopted a few weeks ago – we always thought that the first lesson of kidnapping school was that the big money is always with the biological kids.
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Celestine says
why would a person who’s adopted lots of kids learn to say they don’t like Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer Aniston is not against adoption, tabloid rumors state she might actuallly be interested in adoption. The only thing she’s against is a homewrecking slut coming in with her gaping veiny vagina to envelope her husband’s head in.