Lindsay Lohan is a world-renowned expert on everything from not wearing knickers to being a bit annoying and ginger – but what about politics?
Well, yes, it turns out that Lindsay Lohan is actually an expert on politics as well, which explains why she’s written a 640-word essay on the subject of Sarah Palin on her MySpace page. Well it’s not so much of an essay, more a sort of rehash of general criticism made against Sarah Palin by intelligent and thoughtful people, but translated from English into knuckleheaded idiot.
But still, now that Lindsay Lohan has joined the ranks of celebrities with the weird compulsion to broadcast their views on Sarah Palin to the world, we’ve almost got a complete set. Just Uncle Phil from The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air, Peter Simon from Run The Risk and Skeletor to go and finally we’ll be able to make an informed decision about the woman.
There’s been a weird compulsion in the celebrity world to publicly berate Sarah Palin lately, and it’s utterly dumbfounding. Of all the people who you’d expect to support Sarah Palin, it’s celebrities.
After all, Sarah Palin wants to ban books from schools, which would clearly give kids more time to watch a load of really cool kickass movies. Sarah Palin believes that dinosaurs and humans once coexisted, the line that Hollywood has churned out in every movie from One Million Years BC to Ice Age. And Sarah Palin seems to have been given a role of bewildering authority despite her apparent lack of intellect just because she looks quite nice. Really, she couldn’t be more like a celebrity if she tried.
But that hasn’t stopped all the celebrities from rounding on Sarah Palin, either by openly questioning her experience or by querying the amount of crackheads in Alaska or by yelping “Suck it!” at her like a puddle of bad-tempered Fanta.
But all that was just the warm-up for the main event. All this talk of Sarah Palin recently has roused one of the most mighty brains in Hollywood into action. A brain so powerful that scientists recently declared climate change to be completely down to the amount of heat it generates every time it thinks. That’s right – Lindsay Lohan has waded in on the Sarah Palin issue.
What’s more, Lindsay Lohan has decided to discuss Sarah Palin on her MySpace page, the exact location where she’s also tackled weighty issues such as ‘How my dad, like, totally sucks‘ and ‘Stop talking about my sister’s boobs you gross perverts‘. So, Professor Lohan, the floor is yours:
I really cannot bite my tongue anymore when it comes to Sarah Palin… Is it a sin to be gay? Should it be a sin to be straight? Or to use birth control? Or to have sex before marriage? Or even to have a child out of wedlock?… Hmmmm-All of this gets me going-Fear, Anxiety, Concern, Disappointment, and Stress come into play… Is our country so divided that the Republicans best hope is a narrow minded, media obsessed homophobe?
Hint Hint Pali Pal- Don’t pose for anymore tabloid covers, you’re not a celebrity, you’re running for office to represent our, your, my COUNTRY!
Lindsay Lohan also hit out at Sarah Palin’s pro-life stance during her rant, adding that females have earnt the right to do whatever they want with their bodies. And she’s absolutely right – females should be able to do whatever they want with their bodies. They can put alcohol in their bodies if they want, or drugs, or use their bodies to go driving around loaded up on alcohol or drugs until they crash, or they can house a man’s genitalia in a part of their body while he takes a photo of it. It’s their right, Sarah Palin. Why don’t you understand that?
This is such a quandary. We really don’t know who to dislike most here – Sarah Palin or Lindsay Lohan. They both appear to be some way off the Gonkish Dipshit chart, which is why we propose a brain-off between the pair of them to settle the matter once and for all.
Not a debate – we’re going to be sick of those in the next few weeks – but an actual brain-off where we fire Sarah Palin and Lindsay Lohan head-first out of cannons at each other with no helmet. The person whose brain gets splattered across the greater radius on impact wins. Deal?
Joke Police says
Gah. Three more days of reactionaries getting really angry about anti-Palin celeb opinion. I can only hope and pray that there might be the odd amusing comment among the imminent deluge of barely thought-out and near-identical responses to this article.
Actually, I’m just going to pre-empt it all. If
(a) you support the Republican Party; and
(b) you don’t like celebrities disagreeing with you
Then you don’t need to post here. We Already Know.
Unless you make it funny.
I’ll be the judge.
1, 2, 3… go!
Stabby McGee says
In before “non-politicians shouldn’t have opinions” opinions.
Beth says
I consult Skeletor before making all my decisions.
gir says
CELEBRITIES SHOULD SHUT UP ABOUT POLITICS UNLESS THEY AGREE WITH ME
Joke Police says
Did I actually scare the idiots off with my Be Funny challenge? Meg Ryan’s getting it, Pammy, Diddy and and Damon already got it with both barrells, but nothing for the Lohan..?
Or is it that her political views are actually respected by the angry mob?
Anyway, Beth, you win the funny prize, well done.
gir says
THE FUNNY CONTEST WAS FIXED