That's right – it looks as if Lindsay Lohan's gone and got herself one of those new fangled sex tapes.
Although the reports of a Lindsay Lohan sex tape are based on just one blurry frame of a woman who looks a bit like Lindsay Lohan doing a blowjob on a bloke who might be Calum Best, that's still enough for everyone to confidently assert that a Lindsay Lohan sex tape exists. And who are we to disagree with evidence like that?
Remember when celebrity trends used to involve dressing minuscule dogs up as sailors and carrying them around in handbags? They were happy times. Now the latest celebrity must-have seems to be video evidence that some dude's jizzed inside your mouth, which admittedly is a little less practical for formal red carpet events.
A day after the Kristin Davis blowjob pictures were revealed and a couple of hours after those naked pictures of that woman we've never heard of were revealed comes the most high-profile possible celebrity sex tape of them all – the Lindsay Lohan sex tape.
Sure, you've seen those naked Lindsay Lohan photos from New York magazine – but they hardly count. Taken by an esteemed photographer? Based on an iconic piece of popular culture? In a highbrow publication? Bugger off, that's just about the least sexy thing we've ever heard of. Grainy footage of Lindsay Lohan chowing down on Calum Best's man-meat, on the other hand? Now that's so sexy that we think our brain might dislodge from just thinking about it.
Which is lucky because, as Metro reports, that's exactly what the Lindsay Lohan sex tape consists of:
Footage has been cirling the internet which reportedly shows Lindsay Lohan and Calum Best engaging in a 'sex act'. A number of websites have shown pictures which allegedly show Lohan performing oral sex on Best while the couple were an item last year. It was reported that the pictures are from a mobile phone video filmed by Best, which he then sent to friends and has since been put online. One website quoted a source saying Lohan is 'freaking out because she can't remember it being filmed'.
Who'd have thought that Calum Best – a man, remember, who happily admits that he's a wanker – would be cruel enough to leak a Lindsay Lohan sex tape to the world? Oh, actually, wait, the answer's in the question. Perhaps a more apt question would be 'what is it about self-centred dipships with premature male pattern baldness does Lindsay Lohan find so weirdly erotic?'
Anyway, this is all just speculation, because nobody knows how genuine the Lindsay Lohan sex tape is. For all anyone knows it might be a Meg White sex tape-style hoax. And we're actually hoping it is a fake. Not because we care about Lindsay Lohan or anything, but because of Lindsay Lohan's Year Of Sex. Does the Lindsay Lohan sex tape count as taking place in the year it was recorded or the year it was released? We're trying to stick to an officiated scoring system hear and if this Lindsay Lohan sex tape is genuine then we need answers or else the whole thing will be in jeopardy.
Also, if the Lindsay Lohan sex tape is real then we should really let her know that there are methods to stop yammering on about yourself that don't involve shovelling a cock into your mouth. Just a thought.