First, a clarification – Rip Torn has the best celebrity arrest of all time. The man’s a genius. He’s untouchable.
He’s 78 years old and he broke into a bank, holding a loaded gun, because he was so drunk that he thought it was his own house. Nobody on the face on the planet has ever done anything that brilliant. Rip Torn, we want you to be our grandpa.
But, although he has the best celebrity arrest in history, he hasn’t got the only celebrity arrest in history. Celebrities literally can’t stop getting arrested and, since celebrities are on average 15 times stupider than normal people, their arrests are often quite hilarious. Take a look…
10 – Naomi Campbell
There are places where you’re allowed to be a bit angry. Boxing rings, for instance. Or pub car parks. But planes? No. Act out of line on a plane and you could end up being attacked by dogs. Or? getting shot at. Or someone might stick their fingers up your bum. Not that Naomi Campbell cared about any of that in 2008, when she went berserk over some lost luggage and ended up lashing out at a policeman. She’s a lovely girl really.
9 – The Game
You don’t hear much from The Game these days, do you? That’s either because a) the only way he could have picked a less Google-friendly nameis if he called himself The, or b) because he’s not very good. Still, at least he’ll always go down in history as being the rapper with the stupidest arrest story of all. Drugs? No. Guns? No. Putting on a Halloween mask in a shopping centre and swearing so loudly that he ended up getting pepper-sprayed? Um, yes. The Game, you are a genius.
8 – Hugh Grant
Getting a blowjob from a prostitute? Forgiveable. Getting a blowjob from a prostitute when you’ve already got a girlfriend? Less forgiveable. Getting a blowjob from a prostitute in a car in front of a policeman? Stupid. Getting a blowjob from a prostitute in a car in front of a policeman when your girlfriend is Liz Hurley? Hugh Grant, you really can be an awful wazzock.
7 – Lindsay Lohan
Anyone can get arrested. Some people can even get arrested for getting drunk and driving a car full of terrified passengers around. A choice handful might even have cocaine in their pockets as they do it. But only Lindsay Lohan, only dear sweet Lindsay Lohan, would preface all of this by screaming “I’m a celebrity, I can do whatever the fuck I want” just to make it perfectly clear that she isn’t very likeable, as she did in 2007. For that, Lindsay, we thank you. Sort of.
6 – Paul Reubens
When you watch Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, you don’t ever get the impression that Pee-Wee is the sort of person who’d be arrested for wanking in a cinema, do you? Well apparently he is. Ick.
5 – George Michael
When you watch a George Michael video, you don’t ever get the impression that George is the sort of person who’d be arrested for wanking in a public toilet, would… oh, yes. Yes you would. Sorry.
4 – Foxy Brown
It takes a very special woman to make Naomi Campbell look approachable and meek, but then again Foxy Brown is a very special woman. Arrested once for fighting the staff of a nail salon over some change, arrested again for trashing a shop because she was trying to fix her hair while it was closing, and arrested yet again for smashing her neighbour’s face in with a BlackBerry, Foxy Brown doesn’t do anything by halves. Apart from rapping, obviously. She isn’t particularly good at that if we remember correctly.
3 – Gary Coleman
As with Foxy Brown, Gary Coleman is a tiny, past-his-prime human with a penchant for ridiculous arrests. But the most ridiculous, even more ridiculous than the time he was arrested for punching the inside of his own car, came during an evening out at a bowling alley. A man asked to take a picture of Gary Coleman, and Coleman refused on the basis that photos of him cost $20. The man tried to take one anyway and, in the ensuing scuffle, Gary Coleman knocked him over with a truck. Not a toy truck, either – a real, full-sized truck. And that’s how we fell in love with Gary Coleman again.
2 – Mel Gibson
You all know the story, so we’ll just cut to the chase and give you the wonderful quote instead: ?My life is fucked. I'm not going to get in your car? You motherfucker. I'm going to fuck you? Fucking Jews? The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world. Are you a Jew?… What do you think you're looking at, Sugartits?? Perfection.
1 – James Brown
September 1988. We’ll quote this one from The Guardian:
James Brown, toting pistol and shotgun, marched into an insurance seminar next door to his offices in Augusta, pissed off that someone had used his toilet without permission. Cops were called and a chase ensued over the state line into South Carolina. After 23 bullets were emptied into his tyres, Brown finally emerged from his vehicle – allegedly singing ‘Georgia on My Mind’.
Oh James Brown, why can’t your ghost come and haunt us, you mental old sod.
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