If you’ve been playing the ‘How Long Before Mel Gibson Starts Barking Like A Dog?’ competition, it’s time to pay attention.
The answer is five days. That’s five days. Congratulations to all of you who guessed correctly, and our sincerest commiserations to everyone who missed out. However, don’t forget that you can still enter ‘How Long Before Mel Gibson Starts Howling Like A Mentally Subnormal Werewolf?’ competition, although it’s looking increasingly likely that the answer to that will be six days.
Which is to say that another Mel Gibson abuse tape – the fifth one in five days – has surfaced online. You know the drill by now: there’s some swearing, some industrial-level misogyny and more incoherent, planet-eating fury than you could possibly ask for. If you’re not already bored of listening to Mel Gibson’s impersonation of a feral animal being attacked by a swarm of bees, it’s after the jump.
We think we get it now. And, if we’re right, Mel Gibson is a genius. Back when the first Mel Gibson abuse tape was leaked onto the internet – accompanied by a police investigation into alleged domestic violence – Mel looked like a monster. All those names! All that racism! All that weird heavy breathing! The general consensus seemed was that Mel Gibson deserved to be locked up, without trial, for the rest of his life.
But then came a second tape. And then a third tape. And then a fourth tape, all within a day of each other. And now there’s a fifth one. Thanks to this abuse tsunami, Mel Gibson has become over-exposed. He’s now the James Corden of shrieking offensiveness; the Kate Gosselin of unsettling rants. And, as a result, people have stopped caring. The angrier he gets, the less interesting it becomes. Three more days of this and the police will drop their investigation out of sheer indifference, leaving Mel Gibson free to bark profanities at any woman he likes. Genius.
But, anyway, we feel duty-bound to share Mel Gibson’s fifth tape with you. It’s more of the same, really, except there’s slightly more talk about Mel’s finances and it’s slightly easier to imagine that he’s making the call, bare-chested and wearing his Braveheart wig, from the top of a mountain in a hurricane with the severed limb of an enemy in one of his hands. Take a listen…
So what’s next for Mel Gibson? More of this, probably. More tapes of him, grunting and huffing like a lunatic, released once a day until his heart explodes from the stress. That is to say, there’ll be about five more tapes.
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Swineshead says
How does he find time to make all his massive blockbuster films when he’s making all these calls?
*remembers that MG hasn’t made a massive blockbuster film for quite some time*
GibsonFan says
This is obviously her playing him. You can tell she is on a microphone, not a telephone. Her voice is crystal clear. Plus, when she hangs up on him, you hear a “beep.” That is from a computer recording the phone call. SHe is a golddigger. This is all for money. I hope Mel wins in court
Melissa of Lovely Android says
Haha, yeah she was playing him all right. Wait, no. You are on crack.
I don’t care if she wanted his money or not (obviously she is pretty much a hooker if she allows Mel to yell, “just blow me!!!” every two minutes). She was taping him because he punched her in the face. I’d tape that jerk too. She managed to get some awesome revenge here. Team Oksana all the way.
Mel Gibson is bat-sh*t insane. I can’t even think of a situation that would cause me to flip out (complete with insane, erratic breathing) to that extent. Dude is frightening. If people forget and we all move on… will he actually kill the next girlfriend OJ style?
And why are they calling each other all the time anyway? I totally wouldn’t take his calls.