Following the news that agency WME has dropped Mel Gibson saying “nobody will touch him with a 10-foot pole”, it seems the star?s Hollywood prospects may be faltering a little.
However, it seems the mischievous Australian?s career is far from over following completely unsubstantiated and possibly made-up rumours that he is to become a self-help guru for those who lack confidence with the opposite sex.
Gibson is possibly – but probably not – at work on a manual entitled I Deserve To Be Blown, based on key points he raised in an exchange of views with his then-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, the audio of which everybody has already heard. Extracts after the jump…
1: Breaking The Ice. Don't know how to approach a lady? Try this classic Gibson line-
?You gotta push my fucking buttons!?
2: Jacuzzi Nonsense. Step 1 will DEFINITELY work, so now you have a girlfriend but she insists upon spending time in a pool full of bubbles. Probably surrounded by scented candles. Don't stand for it-
?I deserve to be blown first! Before the fucking Jacuzzi! OK, I'll burn the goddamn house up, but blow me first!?
3: She Says She's ?Tired? All The Damn Time. There comes a point in any relationship when the strains of everyday life can become wearing. Sometimes a lady will fall asleep before performing her most important duties. If this happens, Mel recommends broaching the subject to your partner thus-
?I should?ve woken you up and said fucking blow me bitch! I should?ve fuckin? woken you up and said blow me! You would?ve liked that better, yeah? But you need the goddamn sleep!?
4: You're Home Late, She Claims She Waited Up As Long As She Could. ?Waited and waited,? Mel bellows. ?What, two and a half fucking minutes!? You're fucking snoring. Don't you dare.?
5: Relationship Therapy. Mel advices the reader never to admit to any weakness at all-
?You wanted the number of my therapist? Don't you ever speak to him! Find your own goddamn therapist! Because you've got problems more than me!?
6: Always Walk Away With Dignity. It's best to bring things to an end as amicably as possible, especially if there are children involved-
?You're a liar and you're dishonest and you're fucked up! So you stay the fuck away from me! Take care of your fucking son and I better have my daughter!?
I Deserve To Be Blown will be published by no-one at all at any date.
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massal says
Hahaha!