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Sued

Prince Gets Sued By Disgruntled Perfume People

by Stuart Heritage

This is just a hunch, but we get the feeling that Prince smells like a mixture of hair lacquer, stale jism and very old ladies.

And we don’t know about you, but that’s a smell we’d love to imitate – that way people might think we’re a tiny androgynous control freak with no real sense of quality control, too. Oh, why can’t Prince ever get around to creating his own perfume? Why?

What’s that? Prince did create his own perfume last year? But it didn’t really sell because Prince refused to promote it? And now the makers of the perfume are suing Prince because they’re unhappy with his lack of cooperation? Oh. You do realise that we were only joking back there, don’t you? We don’t really want to smell like Prince. That’d be quite creepy. Who’d want to do that?

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Michael Jackson Gets Sued By Disgruntled Sheikh

by Stuart Heritage

Michael Jackson’s friendships always fail – usually they’re soured by an unproved accusation of molestation or something.

But at other times Michael Jackson falls out with people because he goes to live with them and then doesn’t pay his way. That’s the case with Sheikh Abdulla bin Hamad Al Khalifa of Bahrain, who’s suing Michael Jackson for taking an advance on a recording contract and not seeing it through, amongst other things.

Apparently Sheikh Abdulla bin Hamad Al Khalifa paid Michael Jackson a $7 million advance for his participation in a joint recording project that never happened. Some observers are claiming that this lawsuit could spell financial ruin for Michael Jackson. However, given that the alternative is the release of an album of duets by Michael Jackson and a rapping sheikh, that’s something we’d be absolutely happy to live with.

Michael Jackson's friendships always fail - usually they're soured by an unproved accusation of molestation or something. But at other times Michael Jackson falls out with people because he goes to live with them and then doesn't pay his way. That's the case with Sheikh Abdulla bin Hamad Al Khalifa of Bahrain, who's suing Michael Jackson for taking an advance on a recording contract and not seeing it through, amongst other things. Apparently Sheikh Abdulla bin Hamad Al Khalifa paid Michael Jackson a $7 million advance for his participation in a joint recording project that never happened. Some observers are claiming that this lawsuit could spell financial ruin for Michael Jackson. However, given that the alternative is the release of an album of duets by Michael Jackson and a rapping sheikh, that's something we'd be absolutely happy to live with.
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Keanu Reeves Didn’t Run Over A Paparazzo, Says Keanu Reeves

by Stuart Heritage

You rarely see paparazzi pictures of Keanu Reeves, and that’s because the paparazzi are terrified of Keanu Reeves squishing them into liquid with his car.

Or it’s because Keanu Reeves is quite private and stuff. One or the other. But photographer Alison Silva probably thinks it’s the first one, because he’s suing Keanu Reeves for allegedly hitting him with his car last year, causing career-threatening injuries to his wrist which, coupled with the fact that he’s got a girl’s name, must have really ticked him off.

But yesterday Keanu Reeves showed up in court to spread some of the trademark Keanu Reeves moviestar razzle dazzle around and convince everyone otherwise. Sadly, the Keanu Reeves version of razzle dazzle involves standing around looking blank-faced and a bit confused and occasionally saying “woah.” We aren’t anticipating a good outcome for him.

You rarely see paparazzi pictures of Keanu Reeves, and that's because the paparazzi are terrified of Keanu Reeves squishing them into liquid with his car. Or it's because Keanu Reeves is quite private and stuff. One or the other. But photographer Alison Silva probably thinks it's the first one, because he's suing Keanu Reeves for allegedly hitting him with his car last year, causing career-threatening injuries to his wrist which, coupled with the fact that he's got a girl's name, must have really ticked him off. But yesterday Keanu Reeves showed up in court to spread some of the trademark Keanu Reeves moviestar razzle dazzle around and convince everyone otherwise. Sadly, the Keanu Reeves version of razzle dazzle involves standing around looking blank-faced and a bit confused and occasionally saying "woah." We aren't anticipating a good outcome for him.
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Alleged: Terrence Howard Beats Up Guy Without The Aid Of Flying Robot Suit

by Shawn Lindseth

Terrence Howard is getting sued for a gigantic chunk of change by a music composer that says Howard assaulted him like a year ago or something. The Iron Man star is totally getting sued by a guy that claims to have been on the knuckle end of an encounter with him last winter. Terrence Howard [...]

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Lindsay Lohan Sued For Something From Back When She Was Fun

by Stuart Heritage

Older readers, if they cast their minds right back, may remember a time when Lindsay Lohan was, you know, interesting.

Really interesting, too – there wasn’t any of this ‘occasional blogging about her implied lesbianism’ malarkey going on back then. Because, back then, Lindsay Lohan could hardly go a day without getting hammered on one substance or another and driving around all over the place like a cackling bug-eyed lunatic until she was arrested. It was fun.

But if you can’t remember that, you soon will – because some peripheral characters from one of these bug-eyed driving encounters have decided to sue Lindsay Lohan for causing them ‘surprise, shock, fear and panic’. Well, hey, we’ve seen the trailer for I Know Who Killed Me – and if fear and panic are legitimate reasons for suing Lindsay Lohan, then we’ll just go and put a downpayment on that hillside mansion right now.

Older readers, if they cast their minds right back, may remember a time when Lindsay Lohan was, you know, interesting. Really interesting, too - there wasn't any of this 'occasional blogging about her implied lesbianism' malarkey going on back then. Because, back then, Lindsay Lohan could hardly go a day without getting hammered on one substance or another and driving around all over the place like a cackling bug-eyed lunatic until she was arrested. It was fun. But if you can't remember that, you soon will - because some peripheral characters from one of these bug-eyed driving encounters have decided to sue Lindsay Lohan for causing them 'surprise, shock, fear and panic'. Well, hey, we've seen the trailer for I Know Who Killed Me - and if fear and panic are legitimate reasons for suing Lindsay Lohan, then we'll just go and put a downpayment on that hillside mansion right now.
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Lil’ Kim Sued By Odd People Who Want A New Lil’ Kim Album

by Stuart Heritage

As a female rapper, it’s Lil’ Kim’s civic duty to get in as much trouble as humanly possibly, but we don’t get the feeling she’s hungry for it any more.

Back in the old days Lil’ Kim could usually be relied on to cause a ruckus by lying about shootings and getting sent to jail for it or whatnot but, now that she’s a little bit older, Lil’ Kim seems to have taken her eye off the balls. Sure, Lil’ Kim still gets in trouble, but only for not delivering albums she’s been paid to make.

As such, Lil’ Kim is being sued by her record label. Although a little lawsuit might not seem like much, it’s actually an indication of something far far worse than any of us could have ever imagined – there are a handful of people on earth who actually want to hear a new Lil’ Kim album. We’re scared. Hold us.

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Gary Coleman Charged With Being A Tiny Angry Man

by Stuart Heritage

You’d pay $20 for a photo of Gary Coleman. For the pleasure of looking at a dishevelled grump-faced 40-year-old midget for the rest of your life, you’d pay $20.

No really, you will pay $20. Don’t think you can go snapping pictures of Gary Coleman on your phone without paying $20 first. Do that and you’ll get beaten up by Gary Coleman and Gary Coleman’s wife, and get your phone stolen, and then get knocked to the ground by Gary Coleman’s truck. Allegedly.

Alternatively, do do that. That’s apparently what happened to Colt Rushton earlier this month and, as well as making sure that Gary Coleman has been charged with reckless driving and disorderly conduct for it, he’s also hit Coleman with a lawsuit. This has to make today the worst day for Gary Coleman since, dunno, yesterday? He doesn’t exactly look as if his days are filled with sunshine and monkeys, does he?

You'd pay $20 for a photo of Gary Coleman. For the pleasure of looking at a dishevelled grump-faced 40-year-old midget for the rest of your life, you'd pay $20. No really, you will pay $20. Don't think you can go snapping pictures of Gary Coleman on your phone without paying $20 first. Do that and you'll get beaten up by Gary Coleman and Gary Coleman's wife, and get your phone stolen, and then get knocked to the ground by Gary Coleman's truck. Allegedly. Alternatively, do do that. That's apparently what happened to Colt Rushton earlier this month and, as well as making sure that Gary Coleman has been charged with reckless driving and disorderly conduct for it, he's also hit Coleman with a lawsuit. This has to make today the worst day for Gary Coleman since, dunno, yesterday? He doesn't exactly look as if his days are filled with sunshine and monkeys, does he?
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Disturbia Sued For Copying Rear Window, Not For Being Dreck

by Stuart Heritage

Original ideas are thin on the ground in Hollywood because, as everyone knows, we’re all idiots and new ideas turn us into terrified cavemen.

That’s why most of the films released these days are either remakes, adaptations, sequels or big honking primary-coloured idiot trumpets starring Adam Sandler called Duh: My Is Yes LOL. But at least we can all say that the Shia LaBeouf movie Disturbia is completely original and pioneering and one of a kind. Even though it’s sort of identical to Rear Window.

That’s something the estate of the man who owns the rights to Rear Window seem to have just figured out, because they’re suing Disturbia producer Steven Spielberg over all the similarities to their story. But it’s obvious that Disturbia and Rear Window are completely different movies – Rear Window didn’t want to make us punch ourselves unconscious, for example.

Original ideas are thin on the ground in Hollywood because, as everyone knows, we're all idiots and new ideas turn us into terrified cavemen. That's why most of the films released these days are either remakes, adaptations, sequels or big honking primary-coloured idiot trumpets starring Adam Sandler called Duh: My Is Yes LOL. But at least we can all say that the Shia LaBeouf movie Disturbia is completely original and pioneering and one of a kind. Even though it's sort of identical to Rear Window. That's something the estate of the man who owns the rights to Rear Window seem to have just figured out, because they're suing Disturbia producer Steven Spielberg over all the similarities to their story. But it's obvious that Disturbia and Rear Window are completely different movies - Rear Window didn't want to make us punch ourselves unconscious, for example.
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Jennifer Lopez Sued Over Alleged Doggy Chomp Attack

by Stuart Heritage

Reason why Jennifer Lopez is better than you: She gets to take dogs onto planes, but you can’t even take a medium-sized bottle of Timotei.

Don’t worry about it too much though, because taking dogs onto planes has its downsides – like, for instance, when the dog goes berserk and bites a flightattendant and she falls over and hurts her back and can’t work and sues you for $5 million. That’s what a flight attendant is claiming happened when Jennifer Lopez took her German Shepherd on a flight, anyway.

The lawsuit hasn’t gone through yet, so we don’t know if this savage dog attack really happened or not. But if it did, good for Jennifer Lopez. $5 million is a small sum to pay so long as it reminds the flight attendants of the world that when Jennifer Lopez wants her complimentary peanuts, she jolly well wants them now.

Reason why Jennifer Lopez is better than you: She gets to take dogs onto planes, but you can't even take a medium-sized bottle of Timotei. Don't worry about it too much though, because taking dogs onto planes has its downsides - like, for instance, when the dog goes berserk and bites a flightattendant and she falls over and hurts her back and can't work and sues you for $5 million. That's what a flight attendant is claiming happened when Jennifer Lopez took her German Shepherd on a flight, anyway. The lawsuit hasn't gone through yet, so we don't know if this savage dog attack really happened or not. But if it did, good for Jennifer Lopez. $5 million is a small sum to pay so long as it reminds the flight attendants of the world that when Jennifer Lopez wants her complimentary peanuts, she jolly well wants them now.
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Tremendous Lawsuit Levied Against Kate Hudson’s Shampoo

by Shawn Lindseth

Does anybody else remember when Kate Hudson’s hair was nominated for an Oscar back in 2001.

There’s reason for that you know. It’s been enrolled in acting classes since the age of four. It’s done stage work since the age of 12, and sometime in the sixties it got its big break playing the part of Charlton Heston’s beard in that Moses movie. We believe that the hair is actually what the Israelites volunteered to follow – it emoted smoke by day and fire by night.

We know this because we’ve seen the original script. It’s quite tattered.

Normally Kate Hudson’s hair earns her nothing but accolades and free head-strokings everywhere she goes. Now though – it’s kind of gotten her into a pretty big lawsuit.

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