This is just a hunch, but we get the feeling that Prince smells like a mixture of hair lacquer, stale jism and very old ladies.
And we don’t know about you, but that’s a smell we’d love to imitate – that way people might think we’re a tiny androgynous control freak with no real sense of quality control, too. Oh, why can’t Prince ever get around to creating his own perfume? Why?
What’s that? Prince did create his own perfume last year? But it didn’t really sell because Prince refused to promote it? And now the makers of the perfume are suing Prince because they’re unhappy with his lack of cooperation? Oh. You do realise that we were only joking back there, don’t you? We don’t really want to smell like Prince. That’d be quite creepy. Who’d want to do that?
Prince, as we all know, is a creative polymath. He can sing, he can dance, he’s one of the best guitar players on Earth, he can make good films, he can make really shit films, he can make hit singles, he can make album after album of suffocatingly indulgent wank that’d even test the patience of his biggest fans, he can even eat vegetables convincingly. There is nothing that Prince can’t do.
Except sell perfume. Prince quite clearly can’t sell perfume.
Although the celebrity perfume market is already uncomfortably full – with people being able to smell like anyone from Kerry Katona to Sarah Jessica Parker to Paris Hilton provided they’ve a) got more money than sense and b) taken quite a sharp blow to the head – in 2006 some bright spark at perfume company Revelations decided that what the world really needed was a scent based on the world’s smallest, creepiest, most polarising 1980s hasbeen. And, since Mick Hucknall couldn’t be contacted in time, they decided to make a Prince perfume instead.
It was all set – the perfume was made, a suitably wonky-looking bottle was created, it was given the name 3121 after Prince’s current account PIN number – and then Revelations made their first mistake. They expected that Prince would help out with the marketing.
Now Revelations is claiming that Prince didn’t do any of this, and that’s why he’s being sued for $100,000 in a breach of contract lawsuit, as Reuters reports:
“Since July 2007, despite repeated attempts by Revelations there have been virtually no communications from anyone who could commit to or coordinate any promotional efforts by Prince,” the breach of contract lawsuit said.
If these claims hold any truth, it’s not particularly surprising. Prince is a law unto himself and whatever he wants to do – like partially demolishing some rented accommodation or demanding that all YouTube videos featuring babies dancing to songs are removed or doing a greatest hits concert and then playing a titting Foo Fighters song instead of, say, Raspberry Beret – then that’s just what he’ll do.
However, we get the feeling that even if Prince had decided to dedicate his entire life to promoting the 3121 perfume, it still wouldn’t have been a success. After all, everyone knows that anything baring Prince’s name that was created after 1988 smells like a dead dog’s arse, right?