Articles tagged with: remake
Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun... Flash! Pakow! Ahhh! It's quite difficult to decide what made up word successfully describes the noise after 'Flash!' is cried on the Queen song, but hecklerspray has gone with 'pakow!' and forever it will remain that way. What is less difficult to describe is the news that Flash Gordon, polo playing (or american footballer, depending on how much stock you put in the 80s film) hero of the universe, is to make a return to the big screen. This comes across as particularly strange, following the fact that the recent Flash Gordon TV series was received in the way a crap-covered balloon given to a child with a terminal illness would be received. Stretched analogies aside, we mean the TV show wasn't very good. And it still isn't, actually. But this hasn't stopped Hollywood in their never-ending quest to rape nostalgia forever, which has frankly become such a stupidly common occurrence that we feel we should give it an official name. Leave your suggestions below.
Phew, for a second there we thought that it was only Miley Cyrus' body that got her in trouble - turns out it's her mouth, too. You see, Miley Cyrus doesn't want to be the wholesome tween star of Hannah Montana forever, which is why she's decided to tell the world about her brilliant new pitch for a TV show. It's basically Miley Cyrus, right, starring in Sex And The City. Seriously, that's what she said. Miley Cyrus wants to make a toned-down, slightly more wholesome version of Sex And The City for children. This is deeply upsetting news indeed - we already had an idea for a show called The Miley Cyrus Over The Sweater Action And Nothing More Until I'm Married Because I Love God Hour, and Miley Cyrus goes and steals it, the 15-year-old bitch.
Like many people we enjoyed the original RoboCop, except for one thing - the ending wasn't depressing enough.
True, it was exciting enough when RoboCop stabbed that bad guy with the glasses, and touching when he referred to himself by his human name afterwards, but that's hardly very depressing, is it?
Are we the only ones who wanted to see RoboCop, his arms septic and withered from years of crippling heroin addiction, putting on a soul-destroying lesbian dildo show for a gaggle of sleazy businessmen?
Perhaps we are. But we always get what we want, which is why we're not completely surprised to hear that Darren Aronofsky - the director of Requiem For A Dream - is in talks to direct a new version of RoboCop. Seriously.
It's become quite sad how strapped for ideas Hollywood has become. Not content with raiding everything from our childhoods - Transformers, Thundercats, The Smurfs - and not even leaving it alone after travesties such as Starsky and Hutch or Miami Vice, the top bods have had to look to things that haven't even left the collective consciousness of the public.
Take the Sex and the City movie, for example. Rehashing a series that had finished on TV less than five years previously seemed to hecklerspray as something of a cynical cash-in. And it worked. Did it ever work . So who can blame the struggling execs in tinseltown for turning to another much-loved TV property with a push at converting it for the big screen, even though the topsoil on its grave is still fresh?
Yes, friends, there are rumours they're re-doing Friends. But for now, even though everyone in the world seems to be harping on about it, these rumours are nothing but that. There may be hope yet.
Not content with ruining films we love with pointless remakes, Hollywood now wants to make one of the worst films ever made even crapper. Dubbed the 'worst movie of all time' by many critics, Ed Wood's Plan 9 From Outer Space is set to remade by filmmaker John Johnson. Worse still, he claims he wants to create a 'character-driven, serious-minded retelling of the original story, paying homage to the spirit of Wood's film without resorting to camp or parody'.
If rumours are to be believed, and of course they are, Madonna is in the process of producing a remake of Casablanca.The yellowed-vagina singer reportedly wants to play Ingrid Bergman’s part and plans to set the film in war torn Iraq. How current.
A studio source says:
"She is still determined to make it in the movies. She and her representatives have been touting around a project which is a remake of Casablanca. The reception has been lukewarm to say the least. No one can understand why she wants to redo what many people consider the greatest film of all time.”
Quickly - think of the very worst thing you possibly can. Forget wars and pestilence and all that nonsense - we're talking really horrific here. What have you come up with?
There's a very high probability that you just thought 'Shane Richie starring in a remake of Minder for Channel Five'. Because, objectively, that's the very worst thing the human brain will allow you to imagine before it goes wrong and has a stroke.
But guess what? There is going to be a remake of Minder, it is going to be on Channel Five and irritating cockney wideboy gasbag Shane Richie will star in it. On the plus side, if you start destroying your TV with an axe now, there's a good chance you'll miss it.
Nightmare On Elm Street was a decent enough film, but there's one thing it lacked - loads of dull 50-minute exploding car chases soundtracked by endless Linkin Park songs.
But it's OK, because Michael Bay has decided to produce a new Nightmare On Elm Street movie, so we're sure that'll be rectified shortly.
And if we cross our fingers really tight, maybe the new Nightmare On Elm Street will feature a new version of Freddy Krueger who breakdances and speaks in childish Ebonics because he learnt how to communicate through the internet. Fun!
