Posts tagged as:

remake

Guff About Videogames – The Secret of Michael Jackson Island

by Ian Dransfield

There is some news that just gets swept under in the grand scheme of things, even if it’s Twittered about and – as we all know – everyone in the world reads that pile of tripe. Even news about Lucasarts classics being remade and re-released on one of those new-fangled ‘digital distribution’ platforms, called ‘Steam‘, [...]

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Simon Cowell, Timbaland and Zac Efron to Ruin More Lives: Together!

by Ian Dransfield

Think of a collection of the worst people imaginable – they would be arrogant, stupid, irritating and thoroughly pointless. The kind of people you get writing for hecklerspray, for example. Now imagine that collection is coming together in order to remake a movie that – as with most old movies – needs no remake and [...]

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Jada Pinkett Smith To Be The New Karate Kid Or Something

by Shawn Lindseth

Years ago, when the brains behind the Karate Kid movies decided it’d be a fine idea to just replace Ralph Macchio with Hilary Swank and see what happens, well that was the moment our childhood ended.

Up until then our chief method for falling asleep at night was to lay there with our eyes closed and sweetly picture Daniel-san kicking Johnny in the teeth. After that we’d always picture him arm-whipping the bad guy from Okinawa to death, and after that we always pictured him literally biting the head off of whoever was the bad guy in Karate Kid III.

That’s not actually how the third one ended, likely due to faulty scriptwriting.

But if you thought it was bad when swank donned Mr. Miagi’s karate school patch, well it’s about to get worse. Will Smith’s kid – whatever his name is – is all set to star in a Karate Kid remake. We don’t know, maybe we’ll try falling asleep to the mental imagery of that little kid beating people up… but that seems like a pretty slippery slope if you catch our meaning.

Years ago, when the brains behind the Karate Kid movies decided it'd be a fine idea to just replace Ralph Macchio with Hilary Swank and see what happens, well that was the moment our childhood ended. Up until then our chief method for falling asleep at night was to lay there with our eyes closed and sweetly picture Daniel-san kicking Johnny in the teeth. After that we'd always picture him arm-whipping the bad guy from Okinawa to death, and after that we always pictured him literally biting the head off of whoever was the bad guy in Karate Kid III. That's not actually how the third one ended, likely due to faulty scriptwriting. But if you thought it was bad when swank donned Mr. Miagi's karate school patch, well it's about to get worse. Will Smith's kid - whatever his name is - is all set to star in a Karate Kid remake. We don't know, maybe we'll try falling asleep to the mental imagery of that little kid beating people up... but that seems like a pretty slippery slope if you catch our meaning.
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Spielberg & Will Smith Set To Make Old Boy Much Rubbisher

by Stuart Heritage

If you’ve ever wanted to see Will Smith cut out his tongue for doing something unspeakable to a member of his own family, it’s your lucky day.

And that’s because, as part of Hollywood’s ongoing quest to take every movie that you’ve ever enjoyed and smear a big layer of stupid right across it, it’s thought that Steven Spielberg and Will Smith are all set to team up on a remake of the Korean revenge drama Old Boy.

Nobody knows for sure why Steven Spielberg and Will Smith want to take something as stylish and critically acclaimed as Old Boy and ruin it with a needless remake, but the word on the street is that it’s down to how many things rhyme with Old Boy – like ‘Mould Toy’, ‘Cold Ploy’ and ‘Bold Joy’. That way it’s much easier for Will Smith to rap about it when he comes to record the new Old Boy theme-tune, you see.

If you've ever wanted to see Will Smith cut out his tongue for doing something unspeakable to a member of his own family, it's your lucky day. And that's because, as part of Hollywood's ongoing quest to take every movie that you've ever enjoyed and smear a big layer of stupid right across it, it's thought that Steven Spielberg and Will Smith are all set to team up on a remake of the Korean revenge drama Old Boy. Nobody knows for sure why Steven Spielberg and Will Smith want to take something as stylish and critically acclaimed as Old Boy and ruin it with a needless remake, but the word on the street is that it's down to how many things rhyme with Old Boy - like 'Mould Toy', 'Cold Ploy' and 'Bold Joy'. That way it's much easier for Will Smith to rap about it when he comes to record the new Old Boy theme-tune, you see.
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George Clooney To Star In Painfully Needless Remake Of The Birds?

by Stuart Heritage

As good as The Birds was, we thought that it lacked two main things – old-school charm and an oblique criticism of the government.

So thank heavens that George Clooney is apparently close to starring in a remake of The Birds. If reports are to be believed then George Clooney is all set to take on the role of Mitch Bremner – the man who doesn’t die and gets away safely at the end of the movie – in next year’s The Birds remake, to probably be directed by Martin Campbell.

Of course, 45 years have passed since the original, so George Clooney’s version will need some updating. For instance, since climate change is such a worry, The Birds remake will be given a more ecological bent. And instead of having birds in it, it’ll be about plants that kill people for no reason. And Mark Wahlberg’s going to star in it. It’ll be excellent, really.

As good as The Birds was, we thought that it lacked two main things - old-school charm and an oblique criticism of the government. So thank heavens that George Clooney is apparently close to starring in a remake of The Birds. If reports are to be believed then George Clooney is all set to take on the role of Mitch Bremner - the man who doesn't die and gets away safely at the end of the movie - in next year's The Birds remake, to probably be directed by Martin Campbell. Of course, 45 years have passed since the original, so George Clooney's version will need some updating. For instance, since climate change is such a worry, The Birds remake will be given a more ecological bent. And instead of having birds in it, it'll be about plants that kill people for no reason. And Mark Wahlberg's going to star in it. It'll be excellent, really.
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ABC Decides To Remake V, Nobody Really Sure Why

by David Schwartz

Lock up your pet hamsters – because cult 80s TV series V is making a comeback. That’s right, ABC this week greenlit the popular sci-fi programme to the distinct sound of scraping barrels.

Now, if you are not familiar with V, let us explain. It’s about rodent-eating alien lizards who come to Earth and act like a right bunch of Nazis. Think David Icke without the rodents – and the Nazis.

They basically want to nick all our water and then eat us because, well, they are not very nice rodent-eating alien lizards. There are even loads of Nazi-like references to ram home the point.

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NBC Picks Up The Partridge Family Several Decades Too Late

by Shawn Lindseth

In a move almost as shocking and drastic as the time someone thought it’d be a real good idea to make something called The New Monkees, people have gone and announced a very intentional remake of the Partridge Family. Maybe it won’t be so bad though. The entire old cast is returning to reprise their [...]

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Tori Spelling Wants More Money For 90210, Turns Out Producers Don’t Want Her That Much

by Ian Dransfield

It must be an epic ride being Tori Spelling – living the trials, tribulations and… trials again of a Hollywood superstar. Well, it would be if she actually did anything worthwhile ever, instead of just getting knocked up and kind of lingering around, like that person at a party you kind of know but don’t [...]

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Flash Gordon Remake Gets Some Writers, Probably to Make it all Gritty and Urban

by Ian Dransfield

Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun… Flash! Pakow! Ahhh! It’s quite difficult to decide what made up word successfully describes the noise after ‘Flash!’ is cried on the Queen song, but hecklerspray has gone with ‘pakow!’ and forever it will remain that way. What is [...]

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Miley Cyrus Wants To Make Sex And The City… For Kids

by Stuart Heritage

Phew, for a second there we thought that it was only Miley Cyrus’ body that got her in trouble – turns out it’s her mouth, too.

You see, Miley Cyrus doesn’t want to be the wholesome tween star of Hannah Montana forever, which is why she’s decided to tell the world about her brilliant new pitch for a TV show. It’s basically Miley Cyrus, right, starring in Sex And The City.

Seriously, that’s what she said. Miley Cyrus wants to make a toned-down, slightly more wholesome version of Sex And The City for children. This is deeply upsetting news indeed – we already had an idea for a show called The Miley Cyrus Over The Sweater Action And Nothing More Until I’m Married Because I Love God Hour, and Miley Cyrus goes and steals it, the 15-year-old bitch.

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