Posts tagged as:

remake

Second Oddest Film Rumour Ever: Aronofsky To Direct RoboCop Remake

by Stuart Heritage

Like many people we enjoyed the original RoboCop, except for one thing – the ending wasn’t depressing enough.

True, it was exciting enough when RoboCop shot that man out of the window, and touching when he referred to himself by his human name afterwards, but that’s hardly very depressing, is it? Are we the only ones who wanted to seeRoboCop , his arms septic and withered from years of crippling heroin addiction, putting on a soul-destroying lesbian dildo show for a gaggle of sleazy businessmen?

Perhaps we are. But we always get what we want, which is why we’re not completely surprised to hear that Darren Aronofsky – the director of Requiem For A Dream – is in talks to direct a new version of RoboCop. Seriously.

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Friends Movie Just a Horrible, Horrible Rumour. For Now.

by Ian Dransfield

It's become quite sad how strapped for ideas Hollywood has become. Not content with raiding everything from our childhoods – Transformers, Thundercats, The Smurfs – and not even leaving it alone after travesties such as Starsky and Hutch or Miami Vice, the top bods have had to look to things that haven't even left the [...]

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Plan 9 From Out Of Space: The Needless Remake

by David Schwartz

Not content with ruining films we love with pointless remakes, Hollywood now wants to make one of the worst films ever made even crapper.

Dubbed the ‘worst movie of all time’ by many critics, Ed Wood’s Plan 9 From Outer Space is set to remade by filmmaker John Johnson.

Worse still, he claims he wants to create a ‘character-driven, serious-minded retelling of the original story, paying homage to the spirit of Wood’s film without resorting to camp or parody’.

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Madonna To Remake Casablanca, Except Better

by hecklerspray staff

If rumours are to be believed, and of course they are, Madonna is in the process of producing a remake of Casablanca.

The yellowed-vagina singer reportedly wants to play Ingrid Bergman’s part and plans to set the film in war torn Iraq. How current.

A studio source says:

“She is still determined to make it in the movies. She and her representatives have been touting around a project which is a remake of Casablanca. The reception has been lukewarm to say the least. No one can understand why she wants to redo what many people consider the greatest film of all time.”

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Shane Richie Remakes Minder, Expects People To Care

by Stuart Heritage

Quickly – think of the very worst thing you possibly can. Forget wars and pestilence and all that nonsense – we’re talking really horrific here. What have you come up with?

There’s a very high probability that you just thought ‘Shane Richie starring in a remake of Minder for Channel Five’. Because, objectively, that’s the very worst thing the human brain will allow you to imagine before it goes wrong and has a stroke.

But guess what? There is going to be a remake of Minder, it is going to be on Channel Five and irritating cockney wideboy gasbag Shane Richie will star in it. On the plus side, if you start destroying your TV with an axe now, there’s a good chance you’ll miss it.

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Michael Bay Ready To Foul Up Nightmare On Elm Street

by Stuart Heritage

Nightmare On Elm Street was a decent enough film, but there’s one thing it lacked – loads of dull 50-minute exploding car chases soundtracked by endless Linkin Park songs.

But it’s OK, because Michael Bay has decided to produce a new Nightmare On Elm Street movie, so we’re sure that’ll be rectified shortly.

And if we cross our fingers really tight, maybe the new Nightmare On Elm Street will feature a new version of Freddy Krueger who breakdances and speaks in childish Ebonics because he learnt how to communicate through the internet. Fun!

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The Wolfman Remake Now Director-Free

by C J Davies

Hecklerspray loves remakes.

Such is our affection for the genre, indeed, that we’ve been trying for several years to get our own version of Purple Rain off the ground. It’s a lot more literal than the original – in fact, the movie features no original studio recordings by Prince, and simply features a shower attachment fixed to our office sink and filmed through a purple filter, while in the background a climate expert chats about the devastating wrongness an actual shower of coloured rain would imply. On the plus side, though, the movie features no original studio recordings by Prince.

Someone who isn’t too keen on remakes, it would seem, is director Mark Romanek. Romanek – previously best known for his 2002 film One Hour Photo, in which Robin Williams stands around a pharmacy mumbling a bit before taking some snapshots of a crying man having sex – was all set to direct Universal’s upcoming ‘reimagining’ of horror classic The Wolfman.

Then he walked away.

Hecklerspray loves remakes. Such is our affection for the genre, indeed, that we've been trying for several years to get our own version of Purple Rain off the ground. It's a lot more literal than the original - in fact, the movie features no original studio recordings by Prince, and simply features a shower attachment fixed to our office sink and filmed through a purple filter, while in the background a climate expert chats about the devastating wrongness an actual shower of coloured rain would imply. On the plus side, though, the movie features no original studio recordings by Prince. Someone who isn't too keen on remakes, it would seem, is director Mark Romanek. Romanek - previously best known for his 2002 film One Hour Photo, in which Robin Williams stands around a pharmacy mumbling a bit before taking some snapshots of a crying man having sex - was all set to direct Universal's upcoming 'reimagining' of horror classic The Wolfman. Then he walked away.
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