Nightmare On Elm Street was a decent enough film, but there's one thing it lacked – loads of dull 50-minute exploding car chases soundtracked by endless Linkin Park songs.
But it's OK, because Michael Bay has decided to produce a new Nightmare On Elm Street movie, so we're sure that'll be rectified shortly.
And if we cross our fingers really tight, maybe the new Nightmare On Elm Street will feature a new version of Freddy Krueger who breakdances and speaks in childish Ebonics because he learnt how to communicate through the internet. Fun!
If there's one thing that Michael Bay loves, it's picking something you liked as a child, throwing it on the floor in front of you and smashing up under his foot, laughing and pointing at you as it happens. That's what happened when Michael Bay turned Transformers into a knockabout teen comedy featuring at least two piss jokes and an ending that showed some giant robots staring at two teenagers having sex on top of another robot.
But that's just the tip of the Michael Bay iceberg – his movie Pearl Harbour was so bad that we expect it angered any old US veterans who saw it for sullying their pleasant memories of the brutal atrocity. And Bad Boys II must rank alone as the only thing in history to make people nostalgic for the good old days of Bad Boys I.
And now Michael Bay has decided to work his special kind of magic over Nightmare On Elm Street, the daddy of the slasher movie that made an icon out of a pancake-faced murderer in a Pete Doherty hat. Hollywood Today reports:
Fans who thought the “Nightmare on Elm Street” was over better think again. Production companies Platinum Dunes and New Line, which established itself as a hit-maker after the initial success of the first “Nightmare,” are hoping to breathe new life into the series… With the on-going WGA strike, no scribes are signed-on to the new project, but producers Michael Bay, Brad Fuller, and Andrew Form revealed that their intent is to uncover the history behind Krueger.
That's great – the history behind Freddy Krueger. It'll be just like that witless Halloween remake from last year, then. Maybe we'll discover that Freddy Krueger went bad because he was bullied at school, or because his little sister consistently got a better age at Wii Sports than him. These are the precise things that drive people to murder and rape, after all.
But kudos to Michael Bay for deciding to remake it. Because it'll certainly be challenging for him to ruin a film that's already been ruined by seven increasingly shit sequels. So Michael Bay is really going to have to pull his thumb out if he wants to properly destroy everyone's memory of Nightmare On Elm Street properly. After all, he's got this to contend with.
Topping that will be a tough job, but if anyone can do it, it'll be Michael Bay. We believe in you, Michael.
Read more:
Freddy Krueger Back From the Dead, Elm Street Worries – Hollywood Today
steven do i gotta put my last name says
I think the only thing wrong with the new elm street movie will be the fact that the real freddy kruger wont be in it. Hes to old isn’t he???
besides that of course I dont think people who watched the movie series in the 80’s would like that and I understand that. [How would our generation liked it if like 30 years from now some guy decided to remake Saw or something???] But i would like to see if Michael Bay can make another Elm Street film without making Freddy Kruger look like a fool. GO MICHAEL
ps. I liked that music video.
Mick says
There’s no way Michael Bay can destroy this film because the film was destroyed years ago. After about the 3rd movie they became comedies. The Freddy vs Jason was absolutely embarrassing. His team did a nice job with Texas Chainsaw Massacre so I’m looking forward to seeing this one play out, especially if they create a realistic version and not some idiot character that Freddy became.
Melinda says
I’m terribly against this myself which is why i am organizing a protest in support of Robert Englund as Freddy Krueger. Robert Englund and the fans in horror deserve much more respect than this!
Please sign our petition in support of the real Freddy Krueger:
http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/nonewnightmare/index.html
Jimmy says
Whoever wrote this just wants to feel special by disagreeing with everyone. I have to say I have liked every Michael Bay film I’ve ever seen. Transformers 1 and 2, The Rock, Bad Boys 1 and 2, Pearl Harbour, etc. You can’t publish bad reviews about an unrealeased movie,e specially a remake of such a great film, and by a fantastic director. SO please shut up.
HackerHaus says
The REAL question is whether Dokken will be available to write the title track.
Ed says
Michael Bay generally makes terrible movies. Apparently you like terrible movies. Congratulations.
I could let some of those slip but Transformers 2? Ugh. The first was a perfect 6, MAYBE 7 out of 10. It had decent moments, but also plenty of crap it didn’t need and stupidity. The sequel did away with the decent moments in favor of more idiot humor, idiot writing and mindless CGI. Which was made for idiots. Just a disgrace in every conceivable way.
Regarding the Saw remake- I think they’ll remake it in maybe 5 years, once they run out of good and mediocre films to ruin with remakes, and can start in on the bad ones (actually I read there’s a remake in progress on a movie that bombed originally, so guess we’re there already). But with Saw they have to wait at least until people stop coughing up cash to watch the latest 90 minute bowel movement they’ve stamped the “Saw” name on. God, do I hate today’s movie studios. They out to let some of these executives- particularly the ones that keep Michael Bay employed, greenlight the “____ Movie” series, and only pay for terrible sequels and remakes- star in their own private version of Saw. Except it’s real.
Now THAT, I’d pay to see!