Ah, no, wait - that headline should have read 'Britney Spears Released From Hospital, Despairing Scenes And A Sense That Nobody's Learnt Anything Ensues'. Our bad, sorry.

Anyway, by now you've probably guessed that Britney Spears has been given an early release from her padded room in the psychiatric hospital where she was being held. And you probably also guessed that, now she's been medically classified as Gravely Disabled, the paparazzi and press would back off and let her recover out of basic human decency.

And you're right - Britney Spears' release was only followed by 20 car-swarming paparazzi, two news helicopters and everyone watching the live feed of Britney leaving the hospital and driving through Los Angeles on TV at home. Which is sort of backing off a bit, right? No? Fair enough.

When a celebrity goes to jail, they tend to only spend about a tenth of a single traumatic nanosecond banged up - but not Kiefer Sutherland.

Kiefer Sutherland was released from jail just a few hours ago, having served all 48 of his 48-day sentence for DUI. And, now he's out, Kiefer Sutherland gets to wear his 'full sentence served' badge like a war medal around his prematurely-released ex-con celebrity counterparts.

Obviously the only celebrity other than Kiefer Sutherland to serve their full sentence recently was Paris Hilton. We think this means that Kiefer will end up painted gold in a desert for a canned champagne advert soon or something.

It's outrageous - all Michelle Rodriguez wants to do is find beauty in a jail cell and the sods keep setting her free before she can properly find it.

Although Michelle Rodriguez started her 180-day jail sentence for probation violation just over a fortnight ago, it has been reported that she was last night set free for good behaviour. In total Michelle Rodriguez served just 17 days of her six-month sentence.

Michelle should count herself lucky - one day longer and she'd have had to suffer through a full 10 percent of her sentence. Imagine how hellish that would be.