We may well think of Lindsay Lohan as a jewel thief, booze-hoover and sometime thespian, but really, we should think of her as a piece of legal furniture. So frequently has LiLo been involved with matters of the law, that she’s probably the most qualified person in the USA when it comes to a person’s rights.
And now, she’s back in the world of lawyers and such as she takes her stalker to task.
She’s won too! Yup, Lohan has bagged a nice restraining order against her stalker, David Cocordan, after he ill-advisedly flooded her phone with text messages (how did he get her number?) and kept showing up at her house.
Stalkers, in fairness, are quite impressive humans. Granted, they’re sicker than a walk around Lourdes, but y’know, you can’t fault their commitment to things.
This particular one had Lohan cowering with fear as he sent repeated texts to her as well as showering her with chocolates and magazine articles which he’d hacked up and doctored so it made them appear as if they were a couple. That’s borderline cute that is. We expect stalkers to be more Nailing The Cat, Legs Splayed, On The Front Door With A Message Of Love Written In Blood.
In her application for the restraining order, Lindsay wrote:
“Without a restraining order I fear that there will not be sufficient law enforcement mechanisms to keep Mr. Cocordan away from me, or those around me.”
LiLo also signed a declaration claiming that he’d called or texted her more than 100 times to express “delusional thoughts and irrational feelings about his belief that [we’re] in a relationship”.
Sadly, Corcodan is mentally ill and suffers from schizophrenia. And he’s off his meds which means that he has a “significant psychiatric history of acting on his delusional beliefs”.
He claimed to have killed the actress and showed pictures of himself in her house on twitter, which prompted Lohan to tweet:
“This is the freemason stalker that has been threatening to kill me – while he is TRESPASSING!”
He’s a mason? That explains everything! The bloody lunatic! Still, we would have got his secret handshake and told everyone what it was before shopping him to the police.
What do you mean he might’ve strangled her to death? Are you going soft reader? Anyway, now that Lindsay is under house arrest, she could probably do with some company, so any stalkers in LA may want to pop by and leave her a present or a love-note written in faecal matter.
Tell her hecklerspray sent you.
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