Lindsay Lohan will probably receive no real punishment for allegedly stealing a $2,500 necklace – even though there were multiple witnesses and there’s surveillance video of the entire thing. Instead of going to prison on a theft charge, she’s going to be the first official visitor of the Britney Spears Prison Of Awesome ™.
We’re a little bitter, if we’re honest. We spent all last week, in shifts, trying desperately to get arrested for something. Anything. We even held someone’s pet gerbil for ransom. Yet, nothing.
We’re bloody free and have to suffer the indignity of peeing in a toilet rather than a hole in the floor in front of two dozen other people. In case you’re wondering where that sobbing is coming from, yes, that’s us.
After learning last week that train wrecks got to be prisoners of their enormous homes, we were determined to join them behind bars. Not a real bars, mind you. Because celebrities don’t usually go to real prison. Not even if they’ve offed someone. No, instead it’s some kind of glorified house arrest situation taking place in a Californian McMansion.
Whee!
It’s being reported that Lindsay’s only going to be serving 14 days or less of an 84 sentence – 84 already being reduced from 120. Sheesh.
In a case that’s going to be heard live Wednesday morning in Los Angeles, Lindsay will plead no contest to her reduced misdemeanor charges. After which she’s probably going to be tagged for a fortnight while she relaxes at her house.
Lindsay will not have to serve more than the 120-day sentence for the probation violation. L..A. County Spokesperson Steve Whitmore tells TMZ, based on what the Department has done in the past, Lindsay may not get the credit jail inmates get based on overcrowding. Short story, for a 120-day sentence, without giving Lindsay the overcrowding credit, she’d have to serve roughly 84 days. Lindsay would still get her 36 days credit for good time, but that means she couldn’t leave her home for 84 days.
So Wednesday, after Lindsay pleads no contest to misdemeanor theft, it’s likely she’ll end up with electronic monitoring at home, and she’s at the beach fercryinoutloud!
The beach? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WON’T SOMEONE ARREST US?!
This was a guest post by Amy Grindhouse, so three stinkin? cheers for that.
Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or join our Facebook group or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS!