Queen Trash, Lindsay Lohan, has had her feet up at home while under arrest for sorta stealing a necklace. It really has been one of the most boring arrests in history. No prison memoirs, no rioting in the food hall, no violence, no drugs… just a weary unfurling of office admin and vague inconvenience.
This is underlined by the fact that everyone is so desperate to liven up this sorry tale that they’re just shouting words at her house and hoping that something sticks by magic.
The latest trick is to imply that Lohan is rattling around her house going slightly mad and drinking all day long to stave off the boredom like some jaded doley who is sick of daytime television and bored of all her video games. However, the truth is much duller than that.
Everyone has been sniffing her breath in the hope that it reeks of cheap gin, but alas, LiLo is at pains to point out that she’s only been drinking tea.
The barely-a-furore has been provoked by her taking of a dirty test (not even vaguely similar hecklerspray‘s ‘dirty test’ which involves various ‘toys’, ‘films’ and poppers) which found an amount of alcohol in her system that was so small that even a flea would be safe to operate heavy machinery after consuming it.
See, Lohan has quaffing kombucha tea again which has an alcohol content less than .05%. That’s a pathetic amount of burp for your buck.
Either way, to make this story even more pointless, judges have said that Lindsay is completely allowed to drink as much booze as she likes while under house arrest, so all this doesn’t matter one jot.
Astonishing.
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