Lindsay Lohan used to be loads of fun. She was always in trouble or having sex with someone. She had set the controls for the heart of self-destruct and we all had ringside seats for an early death. And then she went and spoiled it all by looking after herself.

Git.

And now, after getting her freckled neck hoiked by the police a few too many times, she’s laying off the sauce – the same sauce that is a attributable to so much of her success (in getting column inches at least). While trouble may not have left her, she’s angry that people are saying she’s been getting stuck in to that lovely, lovely booze (the only real replacement for love).

This has all come about after some bozos decided to run a bunch of stories saying that she was absolutely getting hammered at a SAG Awards after party this weekend.

Do these fools not know that, if you make claims like that about someone who can’t enjoy drink or drugs anymore, the thing they’ll replace it with is a will to sue?

And that’s exactly what’s happening. LiLo is threatening to sue the media outlets that published the story in the first place.

A source close to the actress tells TMZ that Lindsay is already exploring her legal options with her attorneys because she feels the false stories are sabotaging her effort to save her career. And her liver.

Of course, she was at the party at the Chateau Marmot hotel in Hollywood Sunday night, but alas, she was sitting with Alan Cummings which makes a difference for some reason. Maybe he dry-heaves at the sight of women drinking pints? Maybe he’s so enchanting that no-one ever drinks in his presence because they can’t tear themselves away from his rapier wit?

WAIT. THERE’S MORE.

Lindsay is also cheesed off that reports suggested that she made-out with Dennis Hopper’s son Henry. Where did this apparently take place? In a petrol station. Lovely stuff.

Sadly, as much as we want that to be true, she’s saying it isn’t.

Aah! Lindsay Lohan is the perfect hecklerspray celebrity. She takes one-step forward, or one step back, and she’s in trouble. It doesn’t matter where she is, or who she’s with – she’s always on the brink of being in some kind of bother.

Now, after a couple of years of jewel thievery, alleged assault, drug and drink problems and hanging around morgues, LiLo is back in trouble! HUZZAH! We should thank our stars she hasn’t found God and become a giganto-bore.

So what’s she done this time? Well, it involves a woman called Nubia Del Carmen Preza, a high performance sports vehicle and a whole lotta anguish. Splendid.

Nubia, who has (thus far) the best name of 2012, is suing Lohan, claiming that she was hit by the actress’ car during an incident in September 2010.

Nubia Del Carmen Preza (sorry, we just love saying her name) alleges she was struck by the Mean Girl’s Maserati while innocently walking through a West Hollywood intersection. Preza’s lawsuit states she has suffered “disabling and serious personal injuries, pain, suffering and anguish” and that she is seeking damages for all her medical expenses and lost time at work.

Alas, Lindsay is refusing to comment on the case. Not that we’ve tried to contact her. We’re assuming other people have.

Of course, this isn’t the only vehicular trouble Lindsay is facing. In what is one of the oddest celebrity lawsuits, some idiot paparazzi photographer called Grigor Baylan is taking legal action against Lohan after he was run over by her car, even though the actress wasn’t even driving it.

Apparently (and this is according to the photographer’s lawyer, Neil Steiner, who is as trustworthy as any other human who decides what’s morally right based completely on payment), Lohan is being targeted because her assistant was at the wheel and operating under her instruction.

It’s great to have you back Lindsay. If you wouldn’t mind getting hooked on really lousy, cheap drugs this year, that’d be perfect.

Sometimes it’s hard for pop artists, isn’t it? When Britney feared she was becoming irrelevant, she reached for the bottle labelled “substep” and shaved her head, while J-Lo’s relative obscurity in recent years was remedied by a genuinely insulting and lazy attempts at songs about dancing and drinking too much.

But nothing keeps a musician relevant like an assault charge and an addiction now, does it?

Sarah Harding of Girls Aloud announced today, just after a story about her and boyfriend Theo de Vries kicking lumps out of each other came out this week, that the couple met in rehab for their respective drinking problems. Now, it’s not that we’re taking a pop at recovering addicts and victims of domestic abuse. Far from it. In fact, you go, girl!

The, er, blonde one from the pop group is facing charges of assault after a particularly violent row with said boyfriend on holiday in Austria.

When they should have been skiing, eating Muesli together or enjoying the work of pioneering Austrian filmmaker Sascha Kolowrat (thanks, Wikipedia), they were emptying mini-bars to avoid temptation, but eventually sneaked in some wine and everything ended up ‘a bit Tekken’.

Obviously, domestic abuse is never funny, but it could be just the thing to revive Girls Aloud and Harding’s personal stock.

Look at history: when noted feminist Dr Dre had a hilarious misunderstanding with a female American rapper and “television personality” Dee Barnes in 1991, it didn’t affect his bad-boy image, and he went on to redefine hip-hop. Chris Brown took issue with ex-girlfriend Rihanna, and look at him now; his fan base is unflinchingly loyal (to a genuinely terrifying extent). Harding can even look at her pal Cheryl Tweedy/Cole/Whatever, who went from abuser of toilet attendants to national treasure in less than 5 years. It just works.

So it’s not all bad, Sarah. Just switch to Ribena and stop hanging out with dickheads, and you could be a talent judge in a few years’ time! Great!

This was a guest article by Euan L Davidson who is planning on assaulting as many people as possible in a bid to become the next Joe Swash or something.

When Charlie Sheen went mental, it was briefly hilarious. Basically, he rambled on about tiger blood and being made of win like a man babbling nonsense shortly before his death. It was a glorious and gruesome spectacle for us blood-baying dimwits.

And then he went and spoiled it all by straightening himself out, going on tour and getting dumped by his two live-in girlfriends.

Gone was the chandelier punching, the suitcases of cocaine, the heart-pills and rock-eyed lunacy. ALL IS NOT LOST THOUGH! That’s because Sheeno’s ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, has taken up the slack and gone drug-mental in his place!

Sadly for Brooke, she’s sorely lacking in catchphrases, so this story isn’t nearly as funny as Sheen’s. That doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to laugh though.

So what’s the rub?

Well, Brooke was arrested over the weekend in a nightclub on suspicion of assault and possession of cocaine with intent to distribute.

Get that? Sheen is clearly not paying her enough child-support money if she’s dealing coke. Sorry. We should rephrase that. Sheen clearly not dropping nuclear truth bombs of money into Brooke’s pocket of lose. WINNING. Tiger bl… oh forget it.

Reports say that Aspen Police Department officers were doing a routine walk-through at Belly Up Aspen when a woman reported that an assault had taken place. Police said a woman identified the culprit as Mueller and the police found her at the dance club Escobar.

She was probably having a nice dance to Pitbull or something.

The police say that Mueller faces a class-four felony charge of possession of cocaine with intent to distribute, and third-degree assault, a class-one misdemeanour. No. That means absolutely nothing to us either, but from what we can glean, it sounds like a really fun spectator sport.

A police spokesperson said…

“She’s obviously a person who attracts a lot of media attention, and we will handle this case just like we handle all cases… she’ll get treated like we treat everybody else.”

…to the press. That’s right, the press, who they usually talk to about all their cases. This is totally normal.

Mueller has form with this sort of this, having various stints in rehab, including time at an “extreme” rehab program in Mexico earlier this year. She was also escorted off a flight after being described as “belligerent.” Various reports alleged that she’d also been seen in a carpark with a crack-pipe and has also been trying to pawn jewelry for cash.

And yet, she still has custody of the twins. Just how awful a human must Charlie Sheen be if that’s the case?

Sarah Harding, or the blonde one from Girls Aloud, has spent the last wee while in rehab. Did you know that?

No, neither did we.

Is it that no-one told us or simply that the admission of a celebrity to rehab has become so commonplace that we now spend more time focussing on what Daniel O’Donnell’s up to. He’s nice. Grans like Daniel O’Donnell.

Sarah Harding doesn’t though. She thinks he’s boring and once interrupted a West

London club night to go on a forty-five minute tirade about how he was “dull” and that he should give her all of his doubloons. Yes, Ms. Harding had well and truly lost her shit.

After splitting from DJ boyfriend Tom Crane the Girls Aloud star seemed to hit rock bottom and with her angry tirade against “clean-cut bastard” O’Donnell, those closest to her told her that she should probably check into rehab before she was burned at the stake by a procession of furious Grandmothers.

Last week reports claimed that Harding and Crane (not a Law Firm) had decided to have another go at resurrecting their relationship, with Crane (a big O’Donnell fan) said to have forgiven Harding for her furious outbursts.

A friend, or someone from her PR company, told the Sunday Mirror:

“They’ve been in regular contact throughout her time away but only on the phone. They’ve spoken most days and it seems like they could have a chance of giving it another shot. She still loves Tommy… she’s just not sure if things can get back to where they were.”

Isn’t that nice? Harding will be back in the UK to celebrate her 30th birthday and it is thought that her loving family have bought her a private show with the Irish singer. Lucky, lucky girl.

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You have to hand it to Whitney Houston – she’s really great at being a mental famous person. While you have to acknowledge the power of her lungs, we all know damn well that she’s remembered for (alleged) crack cocaine use, throwing tantrums and being in a lousy relationship with Bobby Brown.

Oh, and that bit in the ‘I Will Always Love You‘ video where it looks like she’s taking a dump in the snow as the key-change kicks in.

So which one is she doing now? Well, it involves an aeroplane and a clear will to die.

The last time we heard anything from Whitney, she was being thrown out of a Prince concert by Prince himself after taking a little drink.

This week, she was nearly getting chucked off a plane. Why? Well the reasons are huge. Flying is the most jarring of modes of transport. The constant fear of dropping out of the sky. The irritating children that cry for entire flights. The dreadful food. The lack of leg room. Those bloody flight attendants with their fixed grins and orange legs.

However, Whitters wasn’t angered by any of those things. She was angry at her seat belt.

A source close to the star told E! News:

“She was not drunk or on drugs, she is in the middle of filming a movie and flew across country to attend a charity event and return to filming. She was exhausted.”

WHOA! Who mentioned drink or drugs? The source has done an excellent job of making us assume that Whitney was filled to the eyeballs with booze and narcotics. It’s so obvious! The source said she wasn’t, which makes us all go ‘Uh-huh… right’.

Delta Airlines are now looking further into the situation because they’re hoping that they can meet Whitney or get an autograph or something. Alas, they “cannot comment on passenger or itinerary information.”

To us, it is obvious that she didn’t want to wear her seatbelt because she’s tired of living. She just wants to die in a plane crash like many celebrities before.

It’s not right, but it’s okay.

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Charlie Sheen, we barely knew ye. You were fun while it lasted, but alas, you can now slope off to the obscurity from whence you came because, the long and the short of it is, we’ve heard that you’re now “absolutely” sober.

We officially don’t care.

When we look at your list of achievements, not one of them includes a film of yours. We genuinely don’t like you as an actor. We like you as a drug taking, always drunk, sex-obsessed maniac, teetering on the lip of the yawning chasm of death. Not this.

Let us look at what made you so entertaining to write about in the first place.

You were discovered in a hotel room with a prostitute. You beat a chandelier up. You tried to have a polyamorous relationship and ballsed it up. You stood on top of a building, wobbling around with a machete. You told us you were made of tiger blood. You had a suitcase of cocaine. You had pills to keep your heart going. You cried while discovering the fourth dimension while watching Jaws on a boat. You made your ex-wife cry. You made a woman cry in a hotel room while she cowered in a cupboard.

And now? You’re in a “mellower” state and can’t remember exactly how long you’ve been free of drink and drugs?

On The Today Show’, Charlie said:

“I don’t really keep track of the time. It’s been a while. Things are a lot calmer. It’s a lot mellower.”

“I really don’t know what happened. It was one of those things where the planets were aligned, perfectly or imperfectly. I said some stuff and then it caught such traction globally and instantly that I couldn’t really put out the fire.

“From one moment to the next, I didn’t know what was going to happen. It was pretty exciting.”

It was exciting. It was really funny too. We thought you were going to die on us. We thought you’d keep us in laughs for a lifetime.

Then you went and realised that you were a real person with a family and sorted yourself out. Charlie, why did you bother? You were better to us all as a wreck.

You could have been somebody. Now you’re that guy from Hot Shots Part Deux.

RIP, sweet prince.

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Hey! What do you do when everyone’s stopped mockingly humouring you? If you’re Charlie Sheen, you continue babbling your gitspeak and start hanging around your ex and her crackpipe like that was the plan all along.

See, after trying to start some daft Shangri La, where he had two girlfriends at the same time (or goddesses as he demeaned dubbed them), it all fell about his ears when they realised what a massive ghoul he was.

And so, tail between his tottering legs, he started hanging around with his ex wife again, even though they had just got divorced. With no-one to go on holiday with, he thought he’d tap her up again because she’s just about the only person speaking to him currently (including his agent).

The couple decided that they’d have a nice time in Mexico, where the heroin is first rate. A veritable violent torpedo of romance you might say.

There, they booked the Presidential Suite which apparently costs $15,000 a night. Sheen presumably eyed up the chandelier and recalled the time when he first re-entered the public’s radar by beating one up while a young woman feared for her life while locked in a wardrobe.

At the swank hotel, they had a monkey butler and something oddly conceptual called an ‘infinity pool’, which is presumably perfect for drowning in.

The most boring source on Earth says of this ghoulish coupling:

“There were candles everywhere. They ate very healthy, local fish, salad, drank fruit juices. Charlie had arranged a chocolate molten cake with candles for dessert. It was beautiful.”

We can only hope they shared a needle of smack and fell into a loving coma for three days, before re-emerging to lovingly hold each other’s hair back while they puked up a pipe or two… because that’s more fun than what actually happened.

Boring shits.

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Charlie Sheen keeps saying the word ‘winning’. Sadly for him, he isn’t and the word has now lost all meaning. He’s no longer a particular figure of fun, but rather, a sad man self-harming in public.

That’s not to say we shouldn’t berate him for no good reason. It’s not our fault he’s sick in the brains.

Mercifully for Sheen, public hostility has been at a minimum as he faced make-up wearing blouses at the Insane Clown Posse’s Gathering of the Juggalos where the god-fearing lamos showed the world that they throw like baby girls.

Sheen found that the Juggalos lived up to their make-up wearing lifestyle by gently lobbing things at the stage while he spoke. Charlie – a man who has the reaction time of a turning snail – managed to avoid every single missile thrown at him from the wimps in the throng.

And so, the Juggs resorted to simple booing. You can’t mess that up, right?

Wrong. See, Juggalos are so rubbish at booing that it can be misconstrued as a positive response. Sheen’s representative said:

“Charlie did not get booed off of the stage. The Juggalos were chanting ‘whoop- whoop,’ which is a show of love. Charlie Sheen did well in front of the Juggalos.”

“It was a huge response. He was tremendously received.”

They then added:

“There is no greater compliment to have garbage thrown at an artist. The crowd didn’t want him to leave.”

So next time you see your favourite celebrity, be sure to tip a trash can over their head. They’ll know that it means you love them, okay?

Anyway, here’s a video of thousands of Juggalos throwing things so badly that they may as well go and sit in a darkened room and try and work out the mystery of magnets.

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Charlie Sheen may be duller than ditchwater these days, but it hasn’t always been like that. In fairness, it has mostly been like that, but there was that glorious month when he completely lost his mind and we all laughed at him.

It all started getting good when he KOed a chandelier in a hotel while a woman trembled with fear, crying in a washroom cupboard. What made it better was that his children and ex-wife were just across the hall, staying quiet and low like they were hiding in an air-raid bunker.

Well, Sheeno wasn’t happy about that evening (despite having a whole heap of fun by the sounds of it) and decided to take out a lawsuit against the terrified women in the closet – Capri Anderson. Now, it appears, he’s not so keen to lay a legal smackdown on her ass. Why?

Charlie has whistled while sloping away quietly from a lawsuit against Capri, the bongo film actress whom Sheen had alleged tried to extort $1 million from him after a “consensual encounter” at NYC’s Plaza Hotel… not to mention the notion that Sheen had that she’d swiped a $165,000 watch of his.

Charlie promptly went about venting his fist-shaped spleen on everything in his hotel room while hammered and naked. He was later hospitalized.

Anderson later said that Sheen had grabbed her by the throat and threatened to kill her, which despite being thrilling like fiction, was denied by the ‘actor’.

However, everyone is walking away from the lawsuit now, hopefully because Capri is threatening to spill the beans on something that she knows about Charlie which is really really really damning and weird. We hope its that because, inevitably, she’ll come out and talk about it anyway.

Meanwhile, the show that Sheen starred in at the time – Two and a Half Men – is definitely severing ties with Sheenola. Basically, the writers are going to kill Charlie.

We’re hoping he drives a car off a cliff, just like the way Sheen did in real life not that long ago. Or indeed, if the killing-off is based on reality, it’d be great if a chandelier took its revenge on Sheen’s character by kicking him senseless toward a tiger cage where the actor will learn first hand about ‘Tiger Blood’.

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Big Brother has always split the UK into two camps: Those that don’t like it and those that don’t watch it. And now that (Channel) Five have gone and bought it, many of us will wearily switch on our sets just to get angry for an hour every night.

And like the Big Brothers that came before it, this one has the usual ragtag of celebrities being linked to it before it airs.

The biggest name attached is Charlie Sheen, who was of interest some months ago because it looked like he was going to kill himself with his own madness. The whole world went on some kind of post-modern suicide watch, egging him on toward death, failing to show the required remorse until he actually joined the choir invisible. Alas, he went and fixed himself and went back to being a boring nobody. However, there is hope. We’ll use Michael Barrymore as our guide.

Thanks to the death of a certain Mr Lubbock in Barrymore’s swimming pool, he retreated away from the glare of the spotlight until he made his return to television in the Big Brother house.

Barrymore revealed himself to be a fragile, broken and at times, deeply unpleasant trainwreck of a man. It made for grim, fascinating viewing (especially the sparring matches with George ‘Pussy’ Galloway).

While some viewed it aghast, most people simply tuned and went ‘Hur hur, he’s a nutter’. This is the card now being played with Charlie Sheen.

See, Barrymore was off the sauce as is Sheeno (well, not the sauce, but rather, the expensive cocaine delivered by the suitcase load), which means we could well see someone unravelling before our eyes. Again.

And the ex-Two and a Half Men’er is understood to have agreed terms which will see him getting £6million to simply be himself and go slightly mad.

He could well be joined by The Only Way Is Essex skidmark Amy Childs, boxer Ricky Hatton and… wait for it…  the Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson.

Of course, there’s nothing confirmed yet apart from the likelihood that millions will tune in for Big Brother on the opening night before sloping away en-masse to do something entirely different.

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Denise Richards is a woman created by teenage boy’s minds. That’s exactly why Charlie Sheen shacked up with her. And of course, what with Richards being the world’s greatest wit, she has a lot to say about her appearance.

Basically, she’d like to make the arrested developed among you excited by talking about her boobies and the fact she was a lesbian briefly.

Next, she’ll be talking about how much she likes playing video games and having sex with jobless layabouts with bad acne who live off 10p crisps.

A while back, Denise Richards wanted new boobs. So she packed herself off to the surgeon and guess what?! He went and gave her even bigger boobs! How astonishing!

She says:

“I was getting ready to film ‘Wild Things,’ and I didn’t want to get into a lawsuit with some plastic surgeon. It wasn’t right what the doctor did, but it is what it is.”

And so, she went and got a third boob job to sort them out. This was all a harrowing experience right? WRONG! That’s because she took her newer breasticles and wapped ‘em out in Playboy. Apart from the money and clearly being incredibly needy of attention, why would she do such a thing?

“I wanted to encourage women that it’s OK to embrace your sexuality even though you’re a mom. At the same time, I was having some problems in my marriage [to Charlie Sheen] and I didn’t feel sexy and felt I had to prove something.”

So remember kids: If you’re feeling unsexy, the best course of action is to flash everyone, okay? Good. Even if it is spurred on by being rejected by that dead-eyed bloke from Hot Shots. But no matter, because you can always have a lesbian affair with a famous woman.

“I’m going to name everyone in Hollywood! You would know who she is.”

“I just met her through friends and work and stuff… I was just curious. We were curious. We wanted to see… she was a girly-girl. She’s beautiful. She was more the aggressor.”

If you stick your head out of the window, close your eyes and listen very carefully, you’ll hear the sound of hundred of young men thudding to their knees in their sticky bedrooms.

You’re welcome.

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Apart from the fact Charlie Sheen is a dead-eyed berk with a bizarrely high opinion of himself and a nose that can really handle corrosive high grade drugs, willing to sniff out furniture to punch and women to upset, why on Earth would his former lover, Bree Olson, want to leave him?

She didn’t feel comfortable sharing him with his other girlfriend.

That’s right! The former Two and a Half Men set up this little bubble for himself where he got to have two girlfriends at once. An open relationship in other words. Of course, he couldn’t let it go without meme-ing it, titling the girls his ‘goddesses’. And so porn star Olson and nanny Natalie Kenly became his unit… and the porn star decided she didn’t like the idea of Sheen having sex with someone else. Crikey.

It seems that Olson, who has a lot of sex with people for money, didn’t like the thought of sharing her life with a man who wanted to have sex with someone else.

She says:

“His assistant said, ‘So you know about Natty (Kenly), right? Charlie did tell you about Natty?’ I had no idea. When I got to the house my jaw dropped. I was like, ‘Wow. This is his girlfriend. This is so weird.’ Charlie said, ‘Now all three of us can be together.’ I was like, ‘Wow. OK. Let’s see how this goes’…”

Of course, the way it went was seething jealousy.

“She (Kenly) would spend the whole time fighting for attention and boast about things she had done like cleaning the dishes. She would get very upset and she would cry a lot… I would never try it again – with two girls and one guy in a relationship. However cool a girl tries to say she is about it, jealousy is a natural human reaction.”

While this all seems very plausible, one must ponder that, a relationship like this may well work a treat… provided that there is a complete absence of Charlie Sheen in it.

Hooting simpletons and the emotional requirement for a successful relationship rarely work. Especially those revolving around cocaine and shouting TIGER BLOOD at everyone.

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Brooke Mueller, a woman who was daft enough to have children with Charlie Sheen and rather fond of crack-pipes, may well be thinking of getting back with the former Two And A Half Men chump (once the divorce goes through, confusingly enough), but that doesn’t mean she has to be nice to people on planes.

Mueller got into a spot of bother with the crew of a United jet from L.A. to Cancun (where, we’re told, the crack is AMAZING) and ended up exiting a flight early.

Sadly, she didn’t open the door mid-flight and end up sucking all the passengers out of the plane til there was nothing left but screaming specks on the horizon.

Sources say that Brooke wasm kicking up a stink while sat on a plane, which is exactly what everyone needs before a flight takes off… palms sweating… nervous about being so high in the sky… certain that you’re about to die in a massive fireball into the sea… certain death.

Ahem.

As this particular flying death trap was about to tootle away from the gate, Brooke decided to tell everyone how nauseous she felt. Withdrawal symptoms or remembering Charlie Sheen naked? You decide. Anyway, said she needed to go to the bathroom and the flight attendant told her to sit her sorry behind down.

That’s when things got a little heated.

Brooke insisted on telling everyone that she needed to puke (nice) and, hilariously, the flight attendant abruptly replied with:

“Tough.”

Mueller went nuts and demanded that they let her get off the plane. The crew were all too happy to chuck the mental witch onto the tarmac.

A witness says:

“[Brooke was] belligerent and cussing out the flight attendant”

That said, as irritating as Mueller clearly is, at least she’s not a crying baby. Sadly, there is still no law which allows us to throw those defecating, wailing ogres out of windows at thousands of feet.

Ah well.

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Hey! You know how we thought that Charlie Sheen had gone boring and stopped taking all those lovely, mind-wrecking Class A drugs? Well, we might be in with a bit of luck here because it seems that he’s planning on consuming a lot more, which means he might go mental and die!

See, Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller have been piddling about with a custody agreement concerning some kids that no-one really gives two hoots about… and in this agreement, both have agreed that neither of this depressing duo should have to undergo random drug tests. Or organised drug tests. Or whatever other find of invasive, eye-watering drug tests there may be.

So are they both planning on being absolute drug wrecks, for the sake of their children? Well, mommy and daddy are awfully dull when they’re not throwing up their fix from the crackpipe or filled to the lid on coke while berating a chandelier.

The trustworthy source that is TMZ (stop laughing – they told us Michael Jackson had joined the invisible choir before anyone else did, so they MUST tell the truth) reported that Brooke was photographed last week, caressing what appeared to be a crack pipe.

They also saw her parked up in a dodgy part of Hawaii (the kind of place Dog The Bounty Hunter likes to run at speed, wind flowing through his acrylic hair), parked up in a car with cash in hand.

And of course, Sheeno is a rehab veteran who likes nothing more than tooting so much drugstuff that his blood becomes thinner than starved mop.

Through all this, we have some little kids who must be thrilled because, with each homewrecking activity, there’ll be the inevitable guilt and hollow apology where they’ll be showered with clammy-affection and gifts.

It really is win-win.

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