Posts tagged as:

Noel Gallagher

Liam Gallagher Claims Noel Stole Tracks From Oasis Sessions

by Mof Gimmers

Ah, the Gallagher brothers have been quiet since Oasis split. This of course, has been an absolute godsend for everyone on Earth who isn’t related to the group. However, Liam has a new band and an awful clothing range to promote, so he’s decided to open and close his mouth. So what’s he saying? Well, [...]

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Badvertising – Adidas Originals V Star Wars

by Matthew Laidlow

Given the technology that our advertising ancestors had 50 years ago, you’d expect that people today would be tuning in to see commercials rather than the TV programmes itself. If this theory was correct, then the BBC would be sent into oblivion overnight as thousands of people eagerly waited for the Loose Women to shut [...]

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Top 24 Onstage Rockstar Mishaps

by David Schwartz

It’s hard to feel sorry for rock stars. They are, after all, rock stars, which usually means they get a paid a lot of money to be pretentious, go out with supermodels and trash hotel rooms.

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The News Makes Noel Gallagher Grumpy, As Does Everything Else On Earth

by hecklerspray staff

If you look out your window, you’ll see that the world is currently in a dire state. Once-proud businessmen are reduced to skeletal husks of men, scuttling around rubbish bins with only their own shoes for sustenance. Families are selling their beloved household pets for thirty pence so they can afford to buy a newspaper [...]

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China Bans Oasis, And Not Just Because Oasis Are Rubbish

by Stuart Heritage

What with embracing capitalism and becoming a superpower and all, China’s had a lot to deal with recently.

But some things are still too much to cope with. Like lumpen, coasting indie music made by, in part, the bloke from Heavy Stereo, for instance. And that’s why China has banned Oasis from performing there.

The Chinese government’s official explanation for the Oasis ban is that Noel Gallagher performed at a Free Tibet concert in 1997, although we’ve heard rumours that actually Vice Premier in charge of agriculture Hui Liangyu banned them because he much prefers the music of The Bluetones.

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Noel Gallagher’s Attacker Charged For Aggravated Assault After Listening To Oasis. Probably.

by Matthew Laidlow

Oasis have been going for nearly two decades, and along the way you do have to give them some sort of credit.

Instead of years of artistic exploration, they just decided to release their best album first and continue to bill new releases as “the best thing since sliced Definitely Maybe”. Only to disappoint every time.

Last year Oasis released their seventh studio album Dig Out Your Soul. To be fair, it did have its moments but nothing that pushed the creative boundaries. This obviously proved to push one man to dig out his anger by attacking Noel Gallagher when Oasis performed in Canada.

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Noel Gallagher Goes Down Quicker Than Amir Khan

by Matthew Laidlow

Bam! Biff! Boosh! Kablam! These are some of the sounds that all boxers experience when they are in the ring and go through the procedure of splattering someone’s brain across the ring. Or, if you’re Mike Tyson, an opponent’s ear. On Saturday Amir Khan went down in an impressive 54 seconds thanks to Breidis Prescott [...]

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Noel Gallagher Now Officially A Very Old Man

by Stuart Heritage

Noel Gallagher isn’t so much the voice of youth these day as the voice of weirdly arrested lad-dad Tim Lovejoy clones who refuse to accept that it isn’t still 1996.

Or that’s what we thought. Turns out we were being a little bit hopeful – in actual fact Noel Gallagher is slowly morphing into a Daily Telegraph letter-writer. While picking up an award recently, Noel decided to speak out about hoodies and knife crime and how it’s all probably got something to do with computer games.

He went into a little more detail than that, but anyone wanting to hear more of Noel Gallagher’s thoughts on society would be well advised to buy the forthcoming Oasis album If That Ball Goes Over My Fence One More Time I’ll Put A Bloody Knife Through It.

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Kaiser Chiefs Ricky Wilson: ‘We Are The New Oasis’. Nobhead?

by Paul Sorrenti

Ricky Wilson, AKA King of the Dicks, has declared that his band, Kaiser Chiefs, are ‘the band that most music fans would see as their (Oasis’) successor’.

Now, this makes him a prick for a number of reasons:

1) It’s obviously bull-shit.

2) Who does he mean when he says ‘most music fans’? Have you ever met anyone who isn’t a fan of music? Everyone who ever existed is a fan of music and hecklerspray knows a few of them: not one has ever claimed Kaiser Chiefs are the successors of Oasis. Only Ricky.

3) He’s obviously only doing it in the vain hope that Noel will retaliate, on the off-chance it could turn into a war like the Blur/Oasis feud of old, like he tried to start with the Arctic Monkey’s, which of course failed spectacularly, what with Kaiser Chiefs not being fit to lick either of their comparatively messianic assholes.

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Noel Gallagher’s Got Himself A Crazed Stalker

by Stuart Heritage

Noel Gallagher from Oasis is currently under police protection after a crazed fan burst in on the band during recording sessions at – wait a minute, Oasis still have fans?

Weird. Anyway, where were we? Oh yes – as Oasis were recording their new album at Abbey Road studios, a crazed stalker type apparently tried burst in on them, spooking them so much that they’ve hired a team of policemen to guard the studio for the time being. Not much is known about the identity of Oasis’ new stalker, although he reportedly accused Noel Gallagher of ripping off all his music and lyrics for the new Oasis album during the encounter.

With that in mind, police are seeking to question Paul McCartney, John Lennon, any of Slade or a time-travelling version of Noel Gallagher from 13 years ago.

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