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New album

Lady GaGa Is Giving Everyone A Christmas Present – Other Celebs Proven To Be Tight Fisted

by Mof Gimmers

Hey! Celebrities! What are you giving us plebs for Christmas? No. We don’t want individual gifts from you. That would be stupid. We want something though because, if you didn’t know, Lady GaGa has got us all something. Yeah. You heard, you tight-fisted, mean-spirited scrooges. You have all that money and time, and what? You’re [...]

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Top Trumps: The Donald Lays Claim To Gaga’s Career

by Kris Silver

Donald Trump is a man of many talents; he pioneered the modern day comb over, he discovered that President Obama was actually a Senegalese street cleaner called Babacar Ousamane, causing him to resign from the Presidency and is rumoured to have been the man who killed Kim Jong-il, with a Chuck Norris style roundhouse. But [...]

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Paul McCartney To Do ‘Standards’ Album Because He’s Officially Out Of Good Ideas

by Mof Gimmers

Paul McCartney is bringing a new album out. There’s a phrase that hasn’t caused too much excitement since Wings were knee-high to a grasshopper. Unless, of course, you’re a bloated Beatle fanatic who is unable to hear any criticism against any of the Fabs. Ever. Unless it’s Ringo. The fact remains, Macca is going to [...]

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Mumford & Sons Go ‘Doom Folk’ And We Demand An End To This Awful Music And Their Awful Fans

by Mof Gimmers

Terrible breakfast of shit, Mumford & Sons, want us to listen to them talking about their next album. As if it wasn’t enough that we had to endure their beige, tepid, tuneless, flaccid music in the first instance. And don’t say ‘Don’t like it, don’t listen’ because they’re bloody played EVERYWHERE, ALL THE STUPID TIME. [...]

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Tings Tings Scrap Entire Album, Not That Anyone Actually Cares

by Mof Gimmers

Remember The Ting Tings? Yeah. They once shouted “THAT’S NOT MY NAME!” and now it’s more of a case of “DOES ANYONE REMEMBER OUR NAMES?” Also, we’re right when we assume that they’re totally shagging each other, right? Either way, apart from appearances on the terrible adverts that appear in the adbreaks of the X [...]

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Lady Gaga Warned “Adele May Want To Eat You”; Lesbian Fan Fiction Goes Wild

by Robin Darke

Normally when we see the ridiculous antics of groups of girls and younger gays on Twitter, clubbing together to form an online “army” and ruining Trending Topics for everyone, we usually want them all to die in a Lady Gaga inspired fire. There’s armies for One Direction, Justin Bieber, Cheryl Cole; if you’re a modern [...]

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Kelly Clarkson Hasn’t Ever Been In Love, Like We’re Supposed To Care

by Mof Gimmers

When normal people have normal problems, it’s boring. However, when a famous person has normal problems, it becomes endearing. It enables us to coo “OOOH! THEY’RE JUST LIKE US!” They’re not. They’re nothing like us. They are wealthy, bloated maggots who feed on our emotional connection to their image. They expect us to care more [...]

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Lady GaGa Biopic In The Works, Despite Her Only Being Famous For 30 Seconds

by Mof Gimmers

Lady GaGa is a woman obsessed by fame. She loves it. She likes the idea, the smell, the taste and the lumpy feel of it. She would wouldn’t she? She hasn’t been famous long enough to become jaded by the idea. It’s all one big, vague art project to her. And despite the fact she’s [...]

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Kate Bush Prompts The Question: Who Are The Laziest People In Music?

by Mof Gimmers

Kate Bush is releasing an album and everyone is getting very, very excited. It’ll be out in November and will be called 50 Words For Snow. A Christmas album no less. How very, very thrilling. That said, it may as well be called ’50 Words For Lazy’ as Kate isn’t exactly known to have a [...]

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(P)Review – Metallica & Lou Reed’s ‘Lulu’ Album

by Mof Gimmers

Did you hear the one about Metallica and Lou Reed making an album together called ‘Lulu’, based on the German playwright Frank Wedekind’s 1913 play about the life of an abused dancer? Jolly eh? Well, it’ll be getting released on October 31st in the UK, with North America following a day later. But what does [...]

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