The internet can be a dark and cruel place full of cyber bullies hiding behind anonymous usernames and bastards like us, who are rewarded by the mainstream media for having blogs dedicated to slagging off celebrities.

Ha!

In fact, the internet is such a vile cesspool of hate that the stars have come out and whinged about how they’re being made fun of too much and it hurts their feelings and that people should care about their pointless little lives and treat them as humans and not the dancing monkeys they actually are.

Those bastions of integrity, Miley Cyrus, Kelly Osbourne and the ugly Kardashian sister, have all taken to the internet in order to criticise it for it’s propensity to bully and ridicule, something we here at hecklerspray would never stoop to.

After all, who are we to ridicule a group of talentless shills that are only famous for having a relative who either wrote a well known song or made a particularly boring sex tape.

Whilst Khloe Kardashian is content with just stomping her Jimmy Choos and whining about how horrible the internet is, she profiteers her sisters name. Osborne and Cyrus are doing something about it, by saying that social networking site Twitter should ban all cyber bullies from its site.

What Kelly, Miley and Khloe are going through is obviously so much worse than the countless young people and adults that are bullied both in person and online on a daily basis. After all, how are they meant to cope? It’s not like they have millions of dollars in the bank, an array of in varying countries houses and staff to wait on them hand and foot.

Oh, and of course, it’s not like they have PR people to help them maintain their own image.

What’s that? They do! Well, maybe they should stop complaining about how hard their lives are and front some anti bullying campaigns.

Feel free to quote all the dreadful, bully-sounding things Kelly Osbourne has aimed at other celebrities in the past decade or so.

Teenage warbler and spawn of the devil (aka Billy Ray) Miley Cyrus,  recently ‘fessed up to being the raging pothead we all suspected at her 19th birthday party in Los Angeles.

Guest included, Kelly Osbourne and Rumer Willis, boyfriend Liam Hemsworth and of course her parents who were probably out the back, line-dancing through the piles of money they’ve  made from selling their child to the Disney factory.

Miley was presented with a Bob Marley cake and before devouring it face first, she gave a small speech, made up of words.

She said:

“You know you’re a stoner when your friends make you a Bob Miley cake. You know you smoke way too much fuckin’ weed!”

She failed to mention whether the cake had ‘jam-in’ [we're sorry] but subtle as a brick in the face friend, Kelly Osbourne decided to try and be funny and distract everyone from the fact she was ramming fistfuls of cake into her handbag.

Referencing the 2010 incident where Miley was caught bonging herself into oblivion she laughed,

“I thought salvia was your problem!”

What? Could it be that in fact Miley wasn’t smoking perfectly legal salvia but in fact something much more fun-filled and arrest worthy?

Stop shouting “YES!!”, you have no proof.

Kelly, obviously aware that she’d come across as a complete shit-stirrer, ran to tweet and make sure everyone knew it was a joke, m’kay?

‘Let me make something very clear after @MileyCyrus salvia incident we started calling her Bob Miley as a JOKE! The cake was also A JOKE.’

She kept digging that hole.

‘It makes me sick that @MileyCyrus so called ‘friends’ would sell her out and lead people 2 believe she is someone that she is not!’

Um, isn’t that EXACTLY what you just did Kelly?

‘U guys if @MileyCyrus is not recording/filming/touring she is works everyday how could she possibly do all that is she was a stoner! #think (sic)

That’s a very good point daughter of Ozzy Osbourne.  We’ve never heard of anyone in the music business being able to maintain a career whilst using drugs.

However, Miley didn’t give two hoots and tweeted;

‘Can’t thank @MissKellyO for the best partyyyy ever! =]]]] i loveeeee you! Let’s just say there was a unicorn in the lobby!’

No. No there wasn’t.

Bloody hippies.

Here’s the stupid video.

Apparently, Miley Cyrus has put on some weight. No-one actually cares, but y’know, when weight is mentioned around women, everyone starts shrieking like someone just revealed a semtex waistcoat.

Some trollers, trying (successfully) to get a rise, pointed out that Miley had put some pounds on and thought it might be funny to call her ‘fat’.

Of course, Miley Cyrus isn’t fat. However, she does hate skinny women and wandered ever closer to the idiot arena of ‘real women have curves’. Get that thin ladies? You’re body shape is sexless compared to that of someone with a bit of an arse. HURRAY!

After being called fat, she took to twitter to lash out at her detractors. Did she sensibly point out that women come in a variety of shapes and sizes, all as viable as the next?

Of course not. She’s a blithering simpleton.

Posting a picture of an emaciated, ribby woman, she wrote:

“By calling girls like me fat, this is what you’re doing to other people.”

“I love MYSELF & If you could say the same you wouldn’t be sitting on your computer trying to hurt others.”

How wrong she is. Here at hecklerspray, you’d be surprised at how high our opinion is of ourselves. We’re amazing and you’re all rubbish. That’s why we have been afforded the ability to chide everyone on Earth. EVER. They should build a statue of us all because we’re so insultingly amazing.

Anyway, Miley did what all idiots do, and proved her ‘curves are better’ point by tweeting a picture of Marilyn Monroe – a woman who notoriously sucked her gut in  for pictures so she looked thinner (great message for the girls there) as well as having a figure that is just as unrealistic as some supposedly emaciated waif.

“Proof that you can be adored by thousands of men even when your thighs touch.”

“I don’t wanna be shaped like a girl. I LOVE being shaped like a WOMAN & trust me ladies your man won’t mind either ”

Hey! Thin ladies! You’ve got the body of a CHILD! Miley Cyrus says so! You disgusting pigs. You’re boy/girlfriends are essentially paedophiles because they like your child body. That’s what Miley is implying. God, you make us sick.

Demi Lovato got in touch, yelling:

“god I love you. SO DO YOU!!! And whoever called you that has it coming. ps SO proud of you for posting that! #curvesareBEAUTIFUL.”

Miley replied:

“AMEN. I will destroy any one that calls you the F (fat) word. You have the SEXIIIESTTT curvyyyy body! I LOVE IT! Werk those curves.”

Miley probably meant to type ‘work those curves’ but her ‘curvy’ fingers are too big to type properly. Either way, at least she’s cleared something up for us: Women – the best way toward equality is to attack each other about the shape of your body. Well done. Feminism isn’t dead after all.

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There is a definite trend of companies recycling their expensive adverts of yesteryear in order to save themselves a bit of cash. To be honest, there isn’t a lot we can say as a criticism of that. Times are tough and if your product hasn’t changed very much then why bother going to the effort of making a whole new advert to extoll the exact same virtues.

While there’s nothing wrong with it on the face of it, some ads remind us that they were completely awful in the first place and, like last week, we’re looking into the murky, sugar-loaded world of soft drinks.

Are they a bargain? ‘Cause everyone loves a bargain, and don’t try to pretend that you don’t. There is evidence to suggest that we are more likely to buy things if they are on some kind of offer, be it ‘buy one get one free’, ‘two for the price of one’ or ‘buy six and get thirty free pictures of stick-men in various sexual positions’.

However sometimes getting two for the price of one isn’t as good as it may seem.

Take this prime example from Fanta:

Let’s not waste too much time on this. Why are these cuddly cartoon characters partying it up with Fanta? Fanta with no alcohol in it. Perhaps it’s a very British attitude to have but alcohol is party juice. We’ve never had a sip of Fanta and felt compelled to crowdsurf, unless it was to crowdsurf to the Coca Cola Company’s HQ and tell them that it doesn’t taste as good as it used to and ask them if they’ve tried Orangina.

Still. Perhaps this ad will teach us the best way to recover from awkward social situations at parties. This las recovers using mime as a form of modern dance. MIME! If you used mime as a method of recovering from an embarrassing door-face-interaction you’d be laughed out of that party into the waiting arms of a junkie who would promise to take you back in time to 1936 when that move was cool.

Boys don’t like to be phantom-lassoed. Just a hint there, ladies.

Demographically, the first part of the advert is confusing. This party infested by Bieber/Jonas-ites (similarity to parasites withstanding) who don’t want to drink or have crazy sex at a party but just stand around and drink Fanta. Who’s the demographic for this advert? Is it only being shown on the Disney channel?

We thought that this train of thought might peter out but then we popped on to Fanta’s official website and saw The Fantanas; a girl band manufactured to sing songs about the beautiful taste of Fanta.

Is it too much to hope that Miley Cyrus and Demi Lovato will be sharpening their bitch-sticks and trimming their mullets ready for some kind of gimp-pop showdown with these girls? Coming to Disney Channel Pay-Per-View soon!

Still, let’s move onto the tagline, shall we?

“MORE FANTA. LESS SERIOUS.”

More Fanta, less serious is the entire tag to this advert. Less serious about fun, less serious about taste, less serious about music, less serious about styles of dancing that aren’t entirely anachronistic, less serious about advertising.

Possibly the thing that irks us the most is the fact that it’s not over yet.

You probably don’t want to buy a bottle of Fanta yet so let’s have an entirely different advert with an entirely different feel. Why they did this, no-one knows, but we can only imagine that the graphics people were on a roll and just launched straight into a new advert.

They’ve taken the most boring situation possible, some kind of lecture where the lecturer stands in silence, reading the latest Dan Brown novel and ignoring the class. They’re bored of the lazy, untalented writing style which oozes from the page like a noxious gas. This putrid, useless pile of paper is scarcely worthy of propping open the door of this classroom. The door through which the class are about to rush out of into the Friday sun to their friends and Fanta and a complete lack of fun or entertainment.

The clock dings (helpfully, it says Friday so it saves you having to climb inside the television and consult a calendar) and suddenly the room is transformed into a club. A club. It’s 5 o’clock on a Friday! Go home and get changed. Have some dinner or something! Responsible drinking kids. Drinking Fanta in excess will make you all gassy.

“GRAB A TASTE OF FRIDAY.”

Answer us this, ladies and gentlemen. Does Fanta taste like Friday? Just because it’s alliterative? Of course it doesn’t. For a start, we’ve seen one of these things on a Tuesday. What are they saying to us?

“You still have most of the week to get through before you’ll be able to lick any surface and it will taste like Fanta! Ha!”

How dare they.

What’s a true taste of Friday? Revomitted vodka. Get to work, people.

Filth. Absolute filth. That’s what today’s celebrities are. You wouldn’t get old, classy celebrities like Marilyn Monroe posing naked for photographs would you? Certainly not. She had self-respect.

However, thanks to the wonderful technological advances of mobile phones and those cameras they’ve got built into them, we are now a planet of people capturing their nether-regions and sending them to other humans.

Celebs are no different… apart from the small fact that people want to hack into their phones and share them with the world. So which leaked celebrity n00dz are the best? Click over the jump where it is astonishingly NSFW.

You can’t move for naked celebrities, leaked or otherwise. The advent of the sex tape has added a whole other element to the voyeuristic nature of watching the lives of famous people.

For the first time, it feels like we can peer behind their bedroom doors and watch them at it. Even Sally from Home And Away has been caught out bumping uglies on a very noisy waterbed.

However, we need to place some kind of arbitrary importance on these photographs because, lets face it, some people get private images leaked and after we’ve stopped gawping at their flesh, we wonder who the hell they are.

And so, here are the 12 most ‘important’ or ‘best’ leaked celebrity photos.

And no, thanks to the British law, we haven’t included Dappy from N Dubz, although if you want to look at his long, thin member, we’re pretty sure you can find it online easily enough.

Renee Olstead

You may not have heard of Renee Olstead, but she’s a singer and actress. She makes this list because she’s the first celebrity to actually put a little effort into her nudey snaps. Leaked last March, Olstead went from being a kinda-nobody to a woman who everyone admired, albeit briefly. You can see her VERY NSFW snaps here.

Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton had her phone hacked and pretty much invented the notion of a sleb becoming famous on the back of leaked photos… and of course, videos.

Ke$ha

Possibly the first time in history when pictures leaked of a celebrity and everyone actively wished they hadn’t seen them. Ke$ha appeared covered in someone’s love-gravy and everyone felt a little nauseous.

Hayley Williams

There’s something about rappers, RnB and pop singers that make you assume they’re dirty swine. However, delicate emo flowers like Paramore singer Hayley Williams was a little more surprising when she “accidentally tweeted” her boobies to everyone.

Christina Aguilera

Christina Aguilera went from being unattainably famous to a National Anthem forgetting, nude drunk in the space of a week. Here’s one of the leaked pictures.

Vanessa Hudgens

Vanessa Hudgens, star of High School Musical, became the classic ‘teen star’ who was sullied by having a life outside the squeaky-clean bubble of Disney. There’s a naked video floating around which allegedly features Hudgens too. Happy hunting.

Chris Brown

Chris Brown is one of the few celebrities who was reportedly unfazed by the leaking of naked photos of him. This is either because he’s got a big appendage or he’s unable to form a sense of shame, as shown when he continually forgot to show remorse for smacking Rihanna in the face.

Rihanna

Speaking of Rihanna, she had naked photographs leaked too. Did they contribute to the incident with Chris Brown? Rumours suggest as such, not that you lot care.

Kanye West

Apparently, Kanye was always sending pictures of himself to the ladies before he became gigantically famous. And here he is, showing of his Monster.

Miley Cyrus

Miley was only of interest to pre-teens, but then, after the leaking of some pictures, she transformed into an actual celebrity. Sure, no-one really knows what she does anymore, but these pictures helped to propel her career onward, rather than sideways. Daft pout though.

Ashely Greene

You know Ashley Greene right? She’s in the Twilight films. In 2009, we all ended up seeing more of her than she probably imagined.

Scarlett Johansson

The most famous of the lot, Scarlett Johansson managed to melt the entire internet when her boobies broke free. Jessica Alba must be absolutely thrilled because there was a vague hint of self-shot nudity dithering around the web, but ScarJo completely obliterate her and got hecklerspray lots and lots of traffic. Thanks.

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Miley Cyrus, who you’ll remember for being the more musically gifted daughter of Billy Ray, has always been a bit of a tough nut for hecklerspray to crack. Sometimes she’ll be caterwauling her way through some mawkish pop gumph about being in love at the age of eleven and others she’ll be smoking a bong and telling people to stick things up their private parts.

She’s a testing one.

Regardless, the young Miss Cyrus’ version of Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit has been named the worst cover ever in a new magazine poll.

In a quite frankly unnecessary poll, Rolling Stone readers voted the teenager’s rendition of the grunge anthem the worst of the crap, the bottom of the bottom, the arse-pit of arse-pits. It even managed to come off worse than Madonna’s hilariously woeful reimagining American Pie and Limp Bizkit’s cover of The Who’s Behind Blue Eyes in which Fred Durst spends the opening bars laughing into the eyes of a dying child.

It’s a real bum-note for Cyrus who recently introduced Smells Like Teen Spirit to her live set, telling her screaming legion of Mousekateers, “I want to play a song by one of the artists that inspired me. Without them [Nirvana] I wouldn’t be here. They are the ones who gave me the strength and courage to do this.”

The surviving members of Nirvana are said to be considering legal action for the implication that her career is somehow their fault.

Limp Bizkit came in second and Madonna third, while Sweet Child O’ Mine by Sheryl Crow (covering an already dreadful song) and Britney Spears’ suicide-inducing rendition of the Rolling Stones’ (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction finished off the top five with a glacé cherry made of human faeces.

But let’s face it. You didn’t come here to find out what songs made it into that particular top five. You only clicked the link to see that hideous rendition all over again.

Feel the burn.

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Remember us telling you the mindcrushing news that Dirty Dancing was about to be remade? Well, Glee’s Lea Michele is strongly rumoured to be lined up for the part of ‘Baby’, as made famous by Jennifer Grey.

She’s a pretty obvious choice when you think about it, what with her being incredibly wholesome, and thereby, able to portray the saccharine blossoming of sexuality with some berk with a haircut.

Of course, Michele is about to leave Glee because half the cast will have to graduate (don’t write off a Fame-esque spin-off yet though) so she’ll have the time to play the awfully named Frances ‘Baby’ Houseman. But who will play Patrick Swayze’s character, Johnny Castle?

Well, Derek Hough – you may remember him as being Cheryl Cole’s rock/lover/potentially gay chum – has been put forward to lift Michele out of some water.

However, Michele does have some stiff competition from limp quarters. Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez are also being linked with the gig. We sincerely hope that it isn’t the latter because you just know her child groom, Justin Bieber, will be in with a shout of lead after he cluttered up the set of CSI Somethingorother.

The movie is set to thrill sexless men and women sometime in 2013, and of course, there’ll be a heap of casting rumours floating around ’til an official announcement is made.

Somewhere in LA, a casting couch is going to be very busy and need repeated dry-cleaning sessions before long.

Blecch.

Dirty bit.

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Do you like gay people? Perhaps you’re a gay person yourself? Doesn’t matter one jot. That’s because Miley Cyrus likes gay people more than anyone else, ever. How do we know this? Because she’s got a tattoo.

As well you know, young people get tattoos about the things they feel strongly passionate about… the things they will stand-by for life… and boy, Miley means it, maaaaaan.

See, she’s decided to get a tattoo that shows that she supports gay marriage. What have you done? Nothing we bet. Unless you happen to be gay and have got married. Even then, marriages don’t often last as long as tattoos, so even you lose.

So how has Miley shown her support for the homosexuals of the world? Has she written a heartfelt diatribe against the naysayers and had some strapping woman ink it onto her young back?

Absolutely not. She’s got herself an equal sign on her finger.

Now we think of it, this could be a declaration of love for mathematics. Wait! Here comes Miley to clear it all up for us idiots.

“ALL LOVE is equal”

That’s the statement Cyrus made on twitter alongside a photo of her tattoo.

Of course, with her having a lot of rednecks and Disneyites following her, it didn’t wholly go down too well. This saw her venting spleen.

“Where does it say in the bible to judge others? Oh right. It doesn’t. GOD is the only judge honey. ‘GOD is love.’”

She of course means: God is made-up. But whatever. And she does have a point though. While you see Christians berating the gays of the world for committing a terrible sin, you never see them berating obese people for indulging in gluttony do you? Those that covet their neighbours junk get off without much chiding too.

Could it be that the Christians of the world have a penchant for hypocrisy?

Anyway, we shouldn’t take this too seriously because Miley has the words “Just Breathe” on the left side of her chest, possibly as an instruction for staying alive, which is sensible advice for the incredibly dimwitted.

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There are some songs that just shouldn’t be covered. A lot of people would agree that Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit was one of those.

But not Miley Cyrus.

Miley decided that she was the perfect person to belt out a borderline sacrilegious version of the Nirvana classic, on her latest tour.

Wearing a skin tight cat suit and stripper heels, Cyrus began to writhe and grind her way through the high tempo grunge track in front of a stunned audience comprising mainly of children who don’t have a clue who Nirvana were and parents who probably loved Nirvana and are now collectively picturing Kurt Cobain’s headless corpse spinning in its grave.

Maybe Miley is just trying to bring a long forgotten cultural identity back into the modern zeitgeist; after all, her father was very successful in doing the same thing to the mullet at the height of his career.

And let’s not forget that Miley herself has no doubt got a whiff of Teen Spirit about her too, what with all the pictures of her smoking suspicious looking substances from bongs and wearing less clothes than it’s probably legal for anyone to see in a photograph… even if it is on her MySpace profile.

Undoubtedly Courtney Love is probably calling in the lawyers as we speak, trying to figure out just how much of Miley’s fortune she’s now entitled to before she has her killed.

But until then, for those of you that can stand it, here is the video of Miley Cyrus breaking a generation of Achey, Breaky Hearts by covering Smells Like Teen Spirit.

Let’s just hope she can keep her head about her for the next few years.

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In about fifteen years, we’ll all look back, scratch our heads and wonder why we spent so much of our lives on Twitter. As times change, everything gets replaced with a slicker, faster and generally better version.

Originally we had MySpace where we could create epileptic backgrounds, but once people got sick of being spammed by rubbish bands, everybody jumped over to Facebook. You know, that one Justin Timberlake made a film about or something.

Twitter is nothing more than a condensed version of Facebook, minus the dodgy games that are created by hackers to steal your bank information. Nearly everybody is on Twitter, from your local butcher telling you what’s been freshly slaughtered, or some sleb plugging something they’re involved with. One person who’s been off Twitter is loveable Disney breakaway brat Miley Cyrus but we can all happily rejoice knowing that Miley is back on Twitter! This is bigger news than the Royal Wedding.

So how can you get in on the act of finding out what colour Miley Cyrus painted her nails or when she messaged another famous person? It’s almost like playing a game of hide & seek, as typing in @mileycyrus proves unsuccessful. Instead you’ll have to point your browser towards @gypsyhearttour. Initially, this caused us a bit of confusion, as far as pseudonyms go this a bit of a strange one. Fair enough she has a tour to promote, but why “gypsy heart?”

Perhaps there’s a more logical and responsible explanation? Recently, Channel 4 in the UK rolled out a show called ‘My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.’ The programme was designed to give the viewer a glance in to the world of a community that many aren’t familiar with. Instead of the show being a cultural learning curve, most people on Twitter decided to berate and mock the people featured. Perhaps Miley Cyrus felt sorry for the travelling community and named her show after watching the series.

Instead of simply returning to the service, Cyrus had to make a big song and dance about the whole thing:

“I do not tweet, I do not social network, I try to stay out of it. I complain enough about people knowing too much about my private life, so to go out there and exploit myself would be silly and hypocritical.”

Miley Cyrus is taking charge of this account and not leaving it up to the work experience kid at her record label to manage. Even though she’s already gotten the hump about divulging information that’ll cast her in to the limelight, we expect her to harp on about all sorts of pointless crap including tales of “how awesome the crowd was last night” and tales of her saying “I swear my kitty just did a big yawn. LOL.” Cyrus has even constructed a plan for her Twitter account which consists of:

“Goal 1. Get 1,000,000 followers! Goal 2. Make #RADIATELOVE a trending topic!”

Take it from us love; at least four hecklerspray writers have been trying to make #cake a trending topic on Twitter but with no sodding luck. You’ll never do it, keep searching for that rainbow, or use some a sprig of that gypsy lucky heather you’ll be flogging on tour to make all your dreams come true while you’re dressed like a meringue.

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The world is a confusing place isn’t it?  So many puzzling questions left unanswered, that even the hecklerspray writers are unable to sleep at night.

When we should be having midnight feasts and pillow fights, we’re pacing the sticky floors of our bedsit, desperately looking for answers to questions like: ‘Why does anyone under the age of dead listen to Ronan Keating?’ or ‘What possessed Brian Harvey to eat THREE baked potatoes before driving over himself?’.

However, there is one thing we can categorically say we’re not in the slightest bit uncertain about. WE ARE REALLY GLAD WE’RE NOT MILEY CYRUS.

Let’s face it, having to go through life knowing that you were created from Billy Rae Cyrus’s line dancing ejaculate must be self-harmingly painful enough, but to be then faced with the knowledge that not only is there a great big blow up doll out there with your name on it (literally), it’s flying off the shelves in record time and men are no doubt singing ‘Best of Both Worlds’ while humping your effigy stupid.

The ‘Finally Miley’ doll costs around £17 and apparently has ’3 achey love holes’  to stick things in.  Kevin Johnson of Pipedream Products said:

“We are completely sold out already – it’s been on the market for less than 48 hours”

Someone should really take Justin Bieber’s credit card away from him.

We thought this might make Miley reach for the bong but instead she’s decided to get angry and sue the pants off the company who made this wipe clean monstrosity.

Johnson said something about that too:

“We haven’t received a cease and desist letter from her attorneys yet, but I have seen those rumours circling online”

“That probably means it will happen soon enough”

Probably but until that day there’s plenty of time to some damage to a Miley doll and let’s be honest, it’ll still be far less damaged that the real one.

We blame Billy Rae Cyrus. Not just for this.

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Just the other day, we were putting together a list of the most individual singers and musicians who are currently involved in the music scene. How about The Rolling Stones? Nah, they’re just walking corpses. Lady Gaga? Pft, she spends too much time ripping off Madonna and designing stinging nettle dresses.

You know who topped our list? The totally awesome Miley Cyrus!

We’ve got all her albums, singles and even have her autograph inked on our bum cheeks. She’s so influential, that we’re smoking a bong of salvia right now! But not everything the life of Miley Cyrus is sweet and rosy. The world class singer has issues with fame grabbing singers such as Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black who posted clips on YouTube to gain fame. They definitely didn’t work as hard as Miley who had the benefit of having a father with a world renowned terrible single and getting her own TV show courtesy of Uncle Walt Disney.

Oh dear Miley, it appears that despite your ropey, barely-legal photoshoots, fame and fortune, you haven’t quite mastered what the word irony means. As we tragically know, her father Billy Ray Cyrus sang about his achy breaky heart. She should have learned that a lack of understanding about the word irony runs in the family as her dad’s heart got all sore and broken when he got involved in divorce proceedings.

Mily Cyrus is desperately trying to establish as herself as a sophisticated female actress and get away from the cute and innocent Disney image that’s attached to her. Unlike Vanessa Hudgens of High School Musical fame, she hasn’t gone and taken pictures of her waps and later found them leaked across the internet. Nor has she gone down the road of once child star Lindsay Lohan by getting constantly drunk, doing drugs, going to rehab, crashing cars, sniffing a few more drugs and accused of pinching jewellery.

The easiest way of looking cool, edgy and hipster is to just mouth off. After all, isn’t that what Twitter and Facebook are for? The loyal fan base of Miley Cyrus will lap up her every word. It’s always easy to pick on someone who’s a similar size to you, or as we look at it, equally annoying. When asked about fellow musicians Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black, Miley said:

“It should be harder to be an artist. You shouldn’t just be able to put a song on YouTube and go out on tour.”

OMG1!!11! Miley Cyrus is a total hater. How can she not appreciate the feel good anthems of the four year old Justin Bieber or the internet’s greatest discovery, Rebecca Black?

We see a vicious Twitter turf war breaking out with lovers and haters looking to tweet condensed messages of fury and bile. All three should recreate a classic encounter like the Battle of Hastings where all each respective side can charge at each other, using sharpened CD cases to gouge the other person’s eye or testicle.

We’re team Rebecca Black all the way. Girl got mad skills.

There’s nothing quite as depressing as seeing a divorced father in action and Billy Ray Cyrus is doing a grand job of being a constant source of maudlin fun. He’s a walking microwave meal for one. The poor sod.

Of course, he’s limping around, hauling his lonely posterior to anyone who’ll listen because it is better than talking to the four walls of his very empty house.

With this desperate plea for affection, Billy Ray has been giving interviews and talking about his personal life in such detail that it seems like we’re mere seconds away from him showing us the poo he did this morning, before he puts it back into his pocket and has a little cry.

The main crux of his wallows focus on his relationship – or lack of it – with his famous daughter, Miley Cyrus. He opened up in an interview with GQ, giving everyone the impression he was about to don a superhero outfit and stand on a building, Fathers For Justice style.

As a result, he’s been roundly ridiculed by his family, which has seen him backtracking on US television.

After slating Disney for melting Miley’s brain, he’s now on record saying that he loves them and in fact, not in any way responsible for Miley’s recent behaviour which some say is indicative of someone going off the rails, while others think she’s just acting her age.

Either way, Billy is all about wanting to make it up to Miley.

“I look back and I did kind of approach being a dad like being a friend, my kids need a dad and I can promise I’ll come back in and do the best I can do.”

“I still want to be Miley’s friend. I want to be the person she wants to talk to. I love her more than life itself.”

“I think most importantly, Miley has a great heart and she is very intelligent she will make good choices … I trust Miley.”

He trusts that, should she do bongs filled with salvia, he’ll get to see it second hand when someone sticks it on YouTube. Again.

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Country and Western megastar (and Miley Cyrus’ dad) Billy Ray Cyrus has decided to call off his divorce with wife Tish (yeah, Tish) despite not bothering to tell her. The well known peddler of country (without the ‘o’) decided to take his feelings to ‘The View’, the simpering nicey-nicey US version of Loose Women in order to improve his public image after falling out of the public eye for not being very close to his daughter.

His daughter is Miley Cyrus. She’s famous.

The singer’s love of his family apparently prompted him to go onto a TV show and talk to some women about his family in a move which was definitely not choreographed by his publicist and agent in order to make him look slightly less insane.

It’s a difficult task to make the man who once stood in front of a camera and, without his tongue in his cheek, sang the words “Don’t break my heart, my achey-breaky heart” seem like he’s anything less than a complete fool.

The professional mullet said:

“I want to put my family back together, things are the best they’ve ever been.”

That’s nice, isn’t it? Regardless of the idea that the truth might be massively different with many sources claiming that he has not seen his estranged wife or daughter in months and that the last time they were in the same room, Miley put a live lobster down his trousers as ‘payback’. hecklerspray can exclusively reveal that no-one, not even his family, care about where Trace Cyrus is at the moment.

It should be noted at this point that this highly spontaneous move comes just one month after Cyrus claimed that Hannah Montana was tearing his family apart and that the devil was attacking his daughter. That’s Miley Cyrus. She’s the one that’s been doing things that teenagers do like smoking and getting her bits out for cameras.

Of course, Billy Ray’s Christian, you see and that seems to be what they do. If they’ve got themselves in a bit of a tizz; it was the devil’s work. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe he’s a terrible parent. Certainly seems more likely, doesn’t it?

Yes. It does.

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Child stars are funny critters. Once they start to grow pubic hair or develop a deeper voice, it generally means that Mickey Mouse can no longer work with the individual in question, usually tossing them to the pavement for Pluto to mock.

Once you’ve appeared in a Disney show, you somehow have to prove yourself so you can go on and get serious work.

There are a variety of ways to achieve this. Miley Cyrus posed in her undercrackers and had a go on a bong whilst Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera flashed their genitals. Vanessa Hudgens is known for being part of the irritating High School Musical franchise where everyone seemed worryingly happy on a permanent scale.

Since breaking up from Zac Efron, we haven’t heard much from Vanesa Hudgens, though with the supposed “leak” of casual lesbian antics, she’ll have gotten on a few more radars.

Not that you’d be interested, but all sorts of sordid filth happens round the hecklerspray bedsit. All writers have to be vetted and this is a process involving a bottle of baby oil, cold water and a trampoline. These images are locked away in a safe so human eyes can’t see them. For them to magically appear on the internet, we’d have to physically upload them all whilst gagging on the photos of some people doing stuff that shouldn’t be possible according to science.

It’s strange how this is the second incident of Vanessa Hudgens having naughty pictures appear on the internet for perverts to have a couple of moments pleasure over.

Whilst she was going out with High School Musical co-star Zac Efron, a series of nude photos hit the internet. All we can assume is that these private exchanges were leaked either by Hudgens or Efron. Or one of their “wacky” mates did it for comedic purposes.

Therefore, you’d assume that Vanessa Hudgens would have had been a bit more sense than letting someone take photos of her kissing a girl called Alexa Nikolas. Anyone? Nope, us either.

Supposedly, she’s another child star who appeared in a show called Zoey 101. We have no idea what this is about, if anything, it sounds like some sort of sordid filth where an adult actress shows you 101 different ways of having sex with her.

However, we’ve found out that:

“Nikolas appeared in Hudgens’ music video for “Come Back to Me,” the lead single from her debut album, 2006’s V and is reportedly best friends with the star.”

Allow us to put on our slippers and light a pipe whilst we sit down with a pint of ale. The youth of today really are out of order don’t you think? Is this what friends do these days? When we were younger and less cynical, kissing each other was out of the question, mainly because we didn’t know what it was. Instead, we waltzed freely through green forests, making lemonade or throwing stones at people’s doors and running away so we didn’t get a clip round the ear.

Oh how we laughed.

If this trend continues, then we expect the cast of Glee to be caught up in some sordid dogging incident when they visit summer camp or whatever the hell it is Americans do.

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