Three years ago today I wrote what I consider to be the best blog I have ever written. It was called “Miley Cyrus Looks Like the Floor of a 90’s Gay Bar.” Seriously, so read it if you haven’t because it’s my best work.
Flash forward three years, and in 2017 we’ve seen a fresher, cleaner, less ratchet Miley Cyrus re-emerge (don’t worry, you hot mess lovers, she’s been replaced by Bella Thorne).
Miley went from looking like a girl who smelled like a weird mixture of weed, sweaty panties, and that random $2 bubble gum body spray you wore in grade 7, to a girl who definitely showered last week and probably smells like organic, vegan soap. I mean, yeah, the sweat smell is probably still there a little bit, but I’m thinking more along the lines of a slightly sweaty t-shirt rather than an ill-paid stripper’s dirty panties.
Getting re-engaged to Liam Hemsworth had done her look (and probable smell) a world of wonders, however, the same can’t be said of her music. Younger Now is no Bangerz, that’s for fucking sure. But I guess I’m glad you look happy now, Miley! And I’m definitely glad you stopped dressing like a MDMA addicted clown in a weird, adult sex circus. And I’m SUPER glad you don’t look like you smell like every bad decision me and my best friend Melissa made in 2011. That was a rough fucking year.
Side note: OMG did you guys see the LOVE magazine advent video today? It’s Kendall Jenner and it’s fucking horrible. The first 3 days were so good, but this was boring and not sexy and I was like LOL k. Also, if the Kardashians and Jenners don’t use their Christmas card to announce Kylie’s pregnancy I’ll be pissed. I still don’t believe Khloe is pregnant. Sorry, but no.