Posts tagged as:

Michael Jackson

Dr. Conrad Murray Sexily Appeals His Conviction And Acts As His Own Sexy Lawyer

by Matthew Laidlow

At the moment, ‘Sexy’ Dr. Conrad Murray will be inside a jail cell, confined to a space that’ll make him feel like an animal at the zoo. Last week, justice was delivered to Michael Jackson’s former doctor as punishment for his the star’s manslaughter. Four years was the term handed down by the judge who [...]

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Michael Jackson’s Unseen Documentary Footage Doesn’t Interest Or Excite Anyone At London Auction

by Matthew Laidlow

Does anyone ever get the feeling that you can have too much of a good thing? Imagine if someone forced you to live on nothing but steak for a year. You’d get sick of it after a while, no matter how much you love chewing bovine. The same can’t be said about Michael Jackson fans. [...]

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Janet Jackson Designs Fur Range, Which Will No Doubt Make The Ghost Of Michael Cry

by Mof Gimmers

Do you know how they make mink coats? They get a mink and shout obscenities at it – IN MINK LANGUAGE – until it cries. Then, they make then stand on their hindly mink legs until they break before men come in and kick the skin off them. Then, worst of all, the skinless, frightened [...]

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Michael Jackson Was A Bit Of A Pranker

by Matthew Laidlow

Over the last few years, stories regarding Michael Jackson have all focused on one specific issue. That’s right, his demise from this world and descent into a tacky gold coffin that’s buried deep underground so nutjob fans can’t rub their genitals across it. More recent events have led to the climax of Jackson’s life where [...]

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Johnny Depp And Other White Men Favourites To Play Michael Jackson In Biopic (Features Amazing Eddie Murphy Video)

by Mof Gimmers

Finding a man to play Michael Jackson in a biopic is no easy task. Listen, LaToya Jackson is surely not in the picture, despite being MJ’s reanimated corpse. Think about it. You need someone who vaguely looks like the former King of Pop. Naturally, what with Michael going from handsome black man to Roswell white [...]

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Michael Jackson’s Deathbed, No Longer For Sale, Spoiling All Your Masturbatory Needs

by Mof Gimmers

Deathbed for sale. What a peculiar notion. That said, it has a lovely ring to it. It almost sounds like an Agatha Christie thriller. Either way, Michael Jackson’s deathbed was up for auction so that his mental fans could buy it and have sex with themselves in it. That’s because they’re hugely lonely and there’s [...]

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Ethereal Michael Jackson/Freddie Mercury Duet Gets The Post-Conrad Murray Trial Nod

by Matthew Laidlow

If you were asked to sum up the Jackson family, how would you do it? Some people might call them the greatest collection of siblings who ever entered a recording studio. Others might comment on how inferior Janet and LaToya were compared to Tito, Jermaine and Randy. Most people would say that the entire family [...]

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Even Michael Jackson’s Ghost Can’t Catch A Break When It Comes To Employing People (MJ Tribute Goes Bust!)

by Mof Gimmers

Remember Michael Jackson’s amazing tribute event in Cardiff where people bought overpriced tickets to watch Alien Ant Farm, 3T, JLS and LaToya Jackson (aka Michael’s animated corpse) prance around on MJ’s grave? Of course, most of the Jackson family thought the tribute was in terrible taste, what with it taking place in the middle of [...]

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Michael Jackson Verdict: MJ Still Weird And Dead While Conrad Murray Is Guilty!

by Mof Gimmers

Justice! Justice, justice, justice! That weird institution where some people make their minds up on an event based on arguments proffered by professional liars. Seriously. Lawyers will argue anything for the right price. And of course, the lawyers have been going hammer tongues about who to blame for the death of Michael Jackson and they’ve [...]

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David Gest Makes Michael Jackson Film (Will Anyone Mention Plastic Surgery?)

by Mof Gimmers

Ever looked at David Gest and wondered if he keeps his face in position with a large bulldog clip like Kent Brockman from The Simpsons? If so, when he takes it off, does his head look like a hot scrotum? Either way, Gest seems like a decent enough bloke for someone who has been ravaged [...]

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