Have you seen Domino? It’s just about the worst film ever made. That includes the ill-advised Garbage Pail Kids movie which some idiot wasted his money on making. And the reason that Domino is so bad lays entirely at the feet of the godawful Keira Knightley – an English accent designed to occupy a thong.
Of course, criticism and Keira are common bedfellows. Where Knightley goes, people muttering about how dismal she is, is never far away.
Apart from in glorious America, where they’re dim enough to like her. The USofA is just about the only country gullible enough to buy her schtick of being a not-ugly posh English girl of no-fixed-talent. And she’s noticed.
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Keira Knightley is not a good actress. She’s a thing to simply take up some space in a pair of shoes, speak in a plummy English accent and pout. That’s it. The latter, being her whole being. Take that away from her and she simply merges into whatever background she’s stood before.
And weirdly, when Keira portrayed Elizabeth Bennet in some shitty movie, director Joe Wright knew exactly how to make her palatable for an audience.
What did he do? He asked her to not exist anymore.
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Do you fancy Keira Knightley? Well good news for you, pervert, because she’s back on the market after splitting up with someone called Rupert Friend. We can only hope she said “its not that I don’t love you… I just see you more as a frie… oh…” during the actual breaking-up talk.
Anyway, Friend (whoever he is – he’s got a peculiar face though, that’s for certain) could well have walked away from Knightley after settling down with The Worst Film Ever Made, Domino. Watching that, he would have realised that Knightley is one of the most sexless humans on Earth.
So what made these two people who are rarely written about go their separate ways?
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In a brutal new advert for Women’s Aid, Keira Knightley gets the living cack kicked out of her for charity.
The domestic abuse ad follows Keira home from a night on the set. From car to door and into the kitchen, you’re straight to a beating: Keira’s partner calls her a whore, smacks her to the ground and kicks her like a sack of writhing meat for a full 15 seconds. The camera pans from another, more sadistic set: “Isn’t it time someone called cut?” comes the punchline.
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Keira Knightley is perfectly comfortable within her own body, which is odd because there’s really not much room in there.
So when people try messing about with the way she looks, Keira Knightley gets all stroppy. For example, the publicity department of Keira Knightley’s latest movie The Duchess think the film will be more popular if the film’s posters are airbrushed to give Keira Knightley a giant pair of knockers.
And, quite rightly, Keira Knightley has put her foot down. Her body is her body and she doesn’t want to mislead anybody about it. Besides, The Duchess is a costume drama, so the only way anyone can make the film popular is to airbrush a load of dinosaurs and robots and explosions and the phrase ‘It’s OK boys – you see nipples!’ onto the poster. Any fool knows that.
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