Posts tagged as:

Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber Talks Directly To God (Or, If You Prefer, To Himself)

by Mof Gimmers

Justin Bieber talks directly to God. Justin Bieber also thinks that “rape happens for a reason” as well. That invariably means we shouldn’t trust a vowel that dribbles out of that tiny week-old mouth of his. He’s Canadian too. They’re all like Americans without the whole ‘inventing rock ‘n’ roll’ thing. Anyway, Justin Bieber likes [...]

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Justin Bieber’s Grandparents Nearly Dead

by Mof Gimmers

If there’s one thing worse than a bad thing happening to a celebrity, it’s a bad thing happening to a non-celebrity that is in some way related to a celebrity. Take for example, the dreadful news that Justin Bieber’s grandparents are nearly dead. You’ll be forgiven for thinking ‘all grandparents are nearly dead’, but you [...]

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Justin Bieber’s Baby Haver Still Won’t Give Up Her Fight

by Matthew Laidlow

Spare a thought for Justin Bieber this Christmas won’t you? It’s not because he’s can’t reach high shelves and get to his presents early. Instead, he’s still got mentalist stalker Mariah Yeater claiming that he leaked some sperm inside of her and created a baby. Instead of this matter being kept private due to its [...]

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Sean Kingston Wants You To Pester Him Constantly, Forever, Until He Eventually Snaps

by Mof Gimmers

Hey! Are you a big fan of Sean Kingston? Well, when you’ve finished taking a long, hard look at your depressing self and come to the realisation you don’t deserve the glorious ears bestowed upon your tasteless skull, there’s some news that may interest you! Mr Sean Kingston of Popsville would like you, his clearly [...]

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Justin Bieber Wants His Child Fans To Know That Father Christmas Doesn’t Exist

by Mof Gimmers

Hey! Justin Bieber fans! Beliebers! Are you looking forward to Christmas? Are you? Have you been good this year? Are you hoping Father Christmas brings you Justin’s Christmas album to you on Christmas Day? He won’t. He definitely won’t. Not a rat-in-an-arse’s chance kiddo! That’s because Santa isn’t real. Yep. Big shock to us too. [...]

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Justin Bieber Definitely Not The Father Of That Kid Says Entirely Trustworthy Source From His Prison Cell – Beyond Satire

by Paul Pencott

It seems years ago Mariah Yeater made the unbelieble (!) claim that Justin Bieber had spaffed a viable sperm into her vulva resulting in a tiny little yodelling girl/boy-child growing in her womb when, to look at him, you couldn’t imagine he’d progressed as far as having sex with Lady Palm and her five inexperienced [...]

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Selena Gomez Stalker Asks For Permanent Restraining Order – Amazing Scenes

by Paul Pencott

Stalkers of genuinely interesting people who warrant obsessive behaviour were thought to be applauding the actions of Thomas Brodnicki last night, as the aforementioned botherer of Selena Gomez asked for permanent, legally-binding non-contact with a woman few people have actually heard of. There had apparently been genuine fear amongst the terrifying community of medicated borderline-schizophrenics [...]

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Mariah Yeater Likes To Take Drugs Infront Of Kids Supposedly

by Matthew Laidlow

Don’t recognise the name of the person in the article heading? Don’t worry, most people don’t either. It’s only when you mention that she’s the alleged bearer of Justin Bieber’s child that causes people’s ears to prick up. In a strange way, we kinda like this paternity situation because Bieber went totally badass on her. [...]

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The X Factor Review; Week 16: Louis Walsh’s Wikipedia Search History, A Love Story

by Sophie Hall

We have two more weeks of The X Factor left, and then we can go and do something else in our brains. We know. It’s amazing. Amazing how it’s all gone so marrow-achingly slow isn’t it? Amazing how time can absolutely not shift for three months in the slightest sometimes. Amazing. A bit like how [...]

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Justin Bieber Just Doesn’t Understand The World

by Kris Silver

Pint Sized Canadian Pop Prince, Justin Bieber, really is the gift that just keeps on giving. Fresh from “definitely” fathering a love child in a sweaty 30-second romp with a woman whose testimony is as reliable as that of Dr. Conrad Murray, Bieber has decided to, once again, showcase how empty the space between his [...]

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