Posts tagged as:

Jay-Z

People Surprisingly Shocked That Beyonce And Jay-Z Act Like Douchebags

by hecklerspray staff

A father of premature-twins has complained that Beyonce and Jay-Z’s ‘people’ stopped him from visiting his newborns in hospital. Despite doing nothing more remarkable than what women have been doing for thousands of years and without the help of a placenta-grooming team, Beyonce’s medical needs were deemed so important by her minders that they barred [...]

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The World’s Best Vagina Releases Amazing Child Called Blue Ivy

by hecklerspray staff

The world’s most talented baby was born at the weekend – Blue Ivy Curtis – who will change everything, and will definitely not look like Nas, came out of the world’s greatest vagina to rapturous trumpet fanfare, while Jay-Z reconsidered his verses in early hit “Big Pimpin’”. Blue Ivy, who has more money and talent [...]

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Beyonce Will Have Her Baby At 4pm Today, Or Else!

by Mof Gimmers

Beyonce Knowles has been incredibly inconsiderate with all his pregnancy lark. Not only has she had the temerity to appear to have a collapsing, inflatable stomach, she’s also left us prying dimwits completely out of the loop. WE NEED ANSWERS! But until then, we’ll just have to speculate. And today, we’re assuming that she’ll be [...]

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Beyonce Hasn’t Had A Baby, So Stop Saying She Has You Dithering Pinheads

by Mof Gimmers

To those of you who have been tweeting the ether, congratulating Beyonce and Jay Z on their new baby, you look incredibly stupid right now. That’s because Queen B hasn’t had a baby at all. Right? RIGHT? Obviously, she might not be pregnant at all and is merely waiting for the surrogate to fly from [...]

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Beyonce To Go To Hospital To Have Fake Baby Bump Removed?

by Mof Gimmers

Uh-oh! There’s a baby due in New York City! That can only mean one thing! Beyonce is going to have her fake baby bump removed after what seems like only a month of wearing it and some surrogate is going to hand over a beautiful child! Or, indeed, she’s actually going to force one out [...]

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Beyonce Bans Christmas TV, On The Off-Chance She’ll See One Of Destiny’s Child’s Awful Songs

by Mof Gimmers

Beyonce is looking forward to packing away that collapsing stomach she bought while she waits for the stork to bring her newborn into the world. We can only hope she goes a bit Jermaine Jackson and gives it a ludicrous name. And of course, it is Christmas which will see Beyonce and Jay Z having [...]

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Kanye Plagiarised Nietzsche, Not Some Bozo Rapper We’ve Never Heard Of, Right?

by Mof Gimmers

Every artist on the planet is a shameless thief. They’re all magpies, walking around and taking whatever they want without a care in the world. And that’s fine, because that’s always been the case and everyone loves music, film or whatever. However, what no-one likes is a pointless snitch. Someone who yells ‘HEY! I had [...]

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We All Know Beyonce Is Having A Baby Girl Thanks To Claptrap Kelly Rowland

by Mof Gimmers

Celebrities like to keep secrets from the general public because, where there’s a secret, there’s money to be made. Anticipation can be turned into coins and coins are where it’s all in famousville! However, there’s always some big mouth to spoil your plans. And in the case of Beyonce and her pregnancy, Auntie Kelly Rowland [...]

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Kanye West Isn’t Like Those Other Rappers – He Stands Dumbly In The Occupy Wall Street Protest!

by Mof Gimmers

Kanye West is a man so needy that it actually makes the planet we stand on wince. That said, it is kinda fun to have this celebrity waltzing around with ideas that he’s the next Picasso rather than the standard fodder of self aggrandising rapper from the streets chat. As such, Kanye is always keen [...]

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Beyonce Looks Really, Really, Really Amazing In Countdown Video. Really Amazing.

by Mof Gimmers

Have you seen the new video that Beyonce has made? She’s got a new record out called Countdown which is a little off-kilter. It might be rubbish, it might be great… we’ll have to let it bed in or something first. But that doesn’t matter. This is about her new video. Cor. Her new, splendid, [...]

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