Mary J Blige is the Simon Says of modern celebrity culture - if Blige doesn't pass comment on it then it never really happened.

So with that in mind it's safe to assume that Jay-Z and Beyonce really did get married on Friday, because Mary J Blige kicked off a co-headlining concert with Jay-Z on Saturday by shouting "Congratulations to my man Jay-Z and my girl B!"

Which makes it indisputable that Jay-Z and Beyonce are really married, unless Mary J Blige was congratulating them on something else, of course - like finding buried treasure on a beach with a metal detector, for example, or for making a tiny hat that's the perfect size for a duck's head, or for stringing the world on for so long about whether they're married or not that most people would rather swallow broken glass than think about Jay-Z or Beyonce for another second. Who knows?

Singing businessman Jay-Z has finally made an honest woman of his hitherto ho-beau Beyonce Knowles.

According to People.Com, the couple held a private wedding ceremony at Jay-Z's New York apartment yesterday evening, to which only close friends and family were invited.

They didn’t even have the common decency to invite the press. How are we to trust them? What are they so afraid of us seeing? Would we have found out the service was being funded by Jay-Z’s links to nineteenth century slave trade profiteering?

If Jay-Z really is getting married to Beyonce soon, there'd better be an open bar at the reception - it's not like he can't afford it.

Following similar deals with Madonna and The Rollings Stones, Live Nation has signed up Jay-Z. And if you were wondering what price you'd get a past-his-best, commercially-stagnating rapper for these days, the answer is clear $150 million.

$150 million might sound like a lot for Live Nation to pay for Jay-Z, but don't forget that these Live Nation contracts don't just involve recordings - it'll have a slice of everything from Jay-Z's concert tickets to merchandise sales to 'entrepreneurial concepts' as well. Plus on Christmas Eve and the Queen's birthday one lucky Live Nation executive gets to briefly look at Beyonce's knickers. Money well spent, we're sure.

The ongoing will they/won't they marriage flap between Jay-Z and Beyonce has literally got like six people quite near the edge of their seats.

Every couple of months there'll be a story about how Jay-Z and Beyonce secretly got married in a far-off country, only for it to be shot down later by people bored enough to actually check up on these things.

But now? Now Jay-Z and Beyonce are definitely going to get married because they've just taken out a marriage license. That's right - at some point over the next 60 days there's definitely going to be a Jay-Z wedding. We'd suggest it takes place on May 14th - because there's nothing more romantic than a wedding that takes place on the 212th anniversary of the smallpox vaccination being first administered.

Think you know Jay-Z? Well, you don’t, so think again. Unless you already think that he is partially to blame for the enslavement of thousands of Africans in pre-1807 Britain, in which case you don’t need to think again, because you’re absolutely right, according to Brooklyn Activist Clive Campbell and Da Black Defense League.

They have filed a $5 billion dollar lawsuit against Jay-Z, along with Barclay’s Bank and Forest City Ratner, a real estate developer, because they have:

“…profited from the African Slave Trade and continue to profit from these gains, through a conspiracy dating back hundreds of years and continue to date to oppress Black people, enslave them, unlawfully deport them to all corners of the Earth."

The bastard! Stop it, Jay-Z! Stop oppressing black people! What’s the matter with you? You’re black as well, you maniac! What kind of masochistic act is this? Behave yourself; it’s bang out of order.

It's becoming slightly traditional for rumours of a Jay-Z/ Beyonce marriage to surface every December, but this this time it looks like they might have been spot-on.

Reports are surfacing that Jay-Z and Beyonce properly went and got married during a trip to Paris last week. They're completely unconfirmed rumours, of course, but we'll soon see how true they are because apparently Jay-Z and Beyonce both got their fingers tattooed instead of swapping wedding rings. That doesn't necessarily mean we should all strain our eyes trying to look for infinitesimal markings on Jay-Z and Beyonce's fingers, though - the signs will be much more obvious than that. On the basis that they both let a Frenchman tattoo their fingers last week, we just need to look out for the 'Beyonce Has One Giant Septic Hand Covered In Pus' headlines to confirm everything we need to know.