So, Christmas was yesterday, and between the holidays, grad school, and being wicked pregnant, I’ve been super busy and slacking in the blogging department (I’m sorry if that spoiled your holidays). I had a pretty great Christmas Eve/Day and got some great gifts (for a 28-year-old woman I got a weird amount of Olaf from “Frozen” stuff), and I assume most celebrities got great gifts, too, since, you know, they’re rich.
However, just because they all probably got what they wanted, it doesn’t mean they got what they needed. For instance, Kylie Jenner probably got?the expensive lip liners she wanted, even though what she needed was to calm the fuck down with her drawing on fake lips game. Here are a few things I hope some celebs got for Christmas this year.
The Kardashian/Jenner Ladies
For the record, I only mean Kim, Kris, Kylie and Khloe. Kendall and Kourtney are pretty relaxed and don’t give me many reasons to mock them. As for the rest of them…
Kris Jenner: A Reality Check
Kris Jenner has attempted to use this holiday season to prove she’s just as hot and sexy as her daughters. Don’t get me wrong, for an almost 60-year-old mother of 6/grandmother of 4, she looks good. However, I can’t help but think of Kristen Wiig’s SNL impersonation…
Kim Kardashian: Underwear
We get it. You have an ass. It’s a good one, too. It’s huge and perky and whatever, but maybe in 2015 you could do something wild and crazy like cover it up.
Khloe Kardashian: Better Ass Padding
Girl, You have a naturally robust ass, wearing that obvious (and tacky) ass padding is just atrocious. At least get yourself some of that expensive realistic looking shit. You can afford it!
Kylie Jenner: A Lip Liner/Selfie Intervention
I understand using lip liner to make thin lips appear a bit bigger, but soon Kylie Jenner’s face will be ALL LIPS. She needs to calm the fuck down with that shit. Also, even though I think all the Kardashian/Jenner women need selfie interventions, the youngest sister is probably the biggest repeat offender. How many pics of your big, fake pout do you need?
James Franco and?Drake: Instagram Interventions
Seriously guys, we get it, you really REALLY like Instagram. Like…a lot.
Beyonc?:? A Gift Card for ?Photoshop Lessons
Beyonc? has spent the past year posting pics where her thighs have been TERRIBLY photoshopped. Girlfriend is clearly just using the Photowonder app. Hopefully Jay Z coughed up a few bucks to get her a better photoshopping program AND lessons on how to use it.
Miley Cyrus: Bath Products
Because, I mean, come on!
ninjamynci says
Yes, we know you’re pregnant. You can’t seem to stfu about it. Jesus fucking christ, get a grip or start blogging on Mommyish.