So the annual Vogue Met Costume Ball was last night and this year’s theme was Manus x Machina: Fashion in the Age of Technology, which means that almost every bitch up in the place dressed up like a sexy robot. I mean, in reality none of them looked like robot hookers and most of them actually looked fantastic.
Well, except Taylor Swift. She kinda looked like a robot hooker. Actually, no, I take that back. Taylor looked like a goody goody who is trying to shed her uppity image because she’s 27 and totally has sex now, so SHE decided to dress like a robot lot lizard, which is, in a sense, a hooker. Just, you know, a special kind of hooker. But, I digress.
I don’t want to go over every single outfit that every famous person wore to this thing, so instead I’ll just do a small breakdown of a few notable things/outfits from last night’s Met Ball.
- They are letting more and more Kardashians in every year!
Remember back in 2013 when a pregnant Kim Kardashian FINALLY got invited to a Met Ball because she was with Kanye so Anna Wintour had to pretend to stand her? And she was super pregnant on North and wore your grandma’s skinned couch from 1983? Of course you remember! Anyway, it was a huge deal that a member of the reality whore family of the century got into a such a prestigious event and pics of Kim didn’t even appear on the Vogue website (they legit posted a pic of Kanye with Kim cropped out which really brought the LOLZ to Kardashian haters). Then in 2014, up and coming model, Kendall Jenner, got invited to the party. Then last year, Kim, Kendall AND Satan’s side bitch, Kris Jenner, got invited. This year? Kylie Jenner and the love child of Olive Oil from Popeye and Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch (I’m referring to Tyga) were invited! Vogue’s Met Ball went from cropping Kardashian’s out of pictures to tonguing their assholes. Anyway, to run down their outfits: Kylie wore a Balmain dress I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her wear a million times, Kris looked like Maleficant, Kendall looked like a model in a nice dress, Kanye looked like a Daft Punk version of Michael Jackson in Thriller, and Kim actually looked fire. I mean, her outfit really fit the theme so, I mean, yeah, good for her. She’s come a long way since looking like Mrs. Doubtfire at the 2013 Ball.
- Jay Z did NOT attend with Beyonce.
Ok, so Jay Z and Beyonce ALWAYS attend the Met Ball together. In fact, it was at a Met Ball after party that the infamous Solange and Jay Z elevator fight went down. However, he was noticeably absent from Bey’s side this year, which sends quite a message after the release of her “Jay Z, put your dick away” album, Lemonade (which is so fire I can’t handle it). The internet also blew up because not only was Jay Z not with Beyonce, the ugly ass dress she was wearing seemed to reference a line from the film Lemonade when she talks about wearing Jay’s side bitch’s skin and teeth as confetti. I mean, the dress definitely looks like she’s wearing someone’s skin. Someone with genital warts, but what do I know about fashion? Also, props to Solange for dressing as an abstract lemon to promote her sister’s album.
3. Seriously, everyone kind of looked like robot hookers. Mostly hot, high priced ones, but still.
Well, all except Madonna and Lady Gaga. They kind of just looked like some run of the mill, Pretty Woman style hookers. Oh, the Met Ball. It really is society’s finest on display!