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Gary Barlow

Frankie Cocozza Booted Off X Factor For ‘Breaking Golden Rule’, Whatever That Means

by Mof Gimmers

Well would you believe it? Frankie Cocozza has been given the heave-ho from the X Factor, which means that all you people who hate him won’t have blood erupting from your eyes every Saturday night. Are you happy? Of course you’re not. Janet Devlin still exists with her faux-modesty, which is a crime far worse [...]

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X Factor Week 11 Review: The Khaki Horror Bitch Tableau

by Sophie Hall

Happy Halloween! Lots of love, The X Factor. And boy, what a massively inconvenient (or should we say SPOOKY) set of affairs the week offered up for Saturday Night’s show. These devastating (or should we say GHOULSOME!) happenings came in a threefold sequence throughout last week. 1. Kelly Rowland is for some reason angry and [...]

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Sinead O’Connor Doesn’t Like To See People Crying On X Factor, The Blubbing Hypocrite

by Matthew Laidlow

Back when times were pure and innocent, only a few select events took up room on our calendar; such as birthdays and the elusive annual leave. Now, more and more meaningless events are cluttering our calendars as television bullies its way into our lives, sits down on top of us and angrily demands that we [...]

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The X Factor Week 10 Review: A Million Rocks Songs Later And Here I Am

by Sophie Hall

So, what IS rock music? Well guys, “rock” was a musical movement invented by Simon Cowell in the mid-2000s. A genre that was ostensibly about dancing but was in fact a thinly-veiled allusion to sex culminating from 50s blues riffs and a 4/4 beat utilizing a verse chorus form. To further delve into this cultural [...]

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X Factor Week 9 Review: You Can’t Hurry Love-Themed 2 Hour X Factor Programmes

by Sophie Hall

Hey guys. The X Factor’s still on. But that’s totally cool because the 100 Year War ran over a couple of decades too, and that was just as important, so not to worry. Those House of the Plantagenet dudes probably had issues connecting their own personal stresses in life to Lighthouse Family lyrics too. Oh, [...]

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X Factor Week 8 Review: American Weird Stuff in London

by Sophie Hall

Before we begin, we just want to say one thing. We’re sorry.  No, listen. WE’RE sorry. Remember how you watched The X Factor for 2 and a half hours on Saturday? Well we’re going to tell you about that in quite an unnecessary amount of detail now. And what’s more, you’re going to like it. [...]

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X Factor Week 7 Review, Part 2, 120 Days of Sodom

by Sophie Hall

Right, you lot – no messing about. We know that we all like to have a bit of ‘fun’ every now and then on here, and have a bit of a harmless chuckle at the expense of these poor hard-working musicians, but Sunday’s episode of the X Factor was the most emotionally draining and traumatic [...]

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X Factor Week 7, Part 1 – The One With All The Postmodernism At The Judges Houses

by Sophie Hall

Good weekend, was it? Had some enjoyable sandwich fillings and simulated some erogenous zones, did you? Yeah. Yeah. Us neither. Never mind, because The X Factor was on too, and if that wasn’t amazing enough it was a 2 hour special Judges Houses special as part of a special exclusive double X Factor weekend special. [...]

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X Factor Week 6 Review, Part 2 – THE OTHER BIT OF BOOT CAMP WHICH STILL MEANS THE ABSOLUTE WORLD TO US

by Sophie Hall

Are you prepared to embark on the second half of a VERY BIG DEAL? Yeah? A very very big deal, in the manner of Back to the Future 2, or when they let Leslie Grantham back on television for a while? Alright, fair enough. Nobody had time to prepare for that. This was the second [...]

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X Factor Week 6 Review, Part 1: BOOT CAMP! THIS MEANS EVERYTHING TO US!

by Sophie Hall

God, it’s been an exciting week, hasn’t it? All that meth and all those Curly Wurlys you’ve been eating. Your excitement has literally burnt through your eyes so you can fully necessitate new levels of awesome and amazingness and degenerative myopia. Now to top it all off, it’s Boot Camp on the X Factor. It’s [...]

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