Posts tagged as:

celebrity

Lana Del Rey: Doesn’t Really Care About Music At All, But Expects You To

by Mof Gimmers

Years ago, a smarter scribe than this wrote of ‘air-conditioner music’, which is to say, music stopped putting something into a room and instead, started trying to remove it. And removing everything out of a room, apart from the earless saps who buy it, is Lana Del Rey, the most tepid popstar in history. She’s [...]

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Drake Proves To Be World’s Lamest Rapper As He Cries About Snow

by Mof Gimmers

Are you familiar with Drake? If not, then all you need to know is that he’s the lamest, softest, wimpiest milktoast of a rapper who ever lived. Seriously. Your little sister could easily take him. Your dead nana could beat him up AND out-rap him. And so, with that, does it surprise you that the weather [...]

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OJ Simpson Is Khloe Kardashian’s Real Dad?!

by Mof Gimmers

Oooh, you thought that you didn’t give two hoots about Khloe Kardashian not being a purebreed Kardash didn’t you? You figured that you didn’t need to care about such a trivial story. Now look at you, since you heard about OJ Simpson. See, there’s been an issue surrounding Khloe’s biological father and, whoever lands the [...]

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Adele’s New Boyfriend Quite Possibly Married To Someone Else

by hecklerspray staff

The Queen of New Boring has come under attack for having the temerity to get all pelvic and grunty with a man who might not be entirely divorced from his estranged wife. As if it wasn’t enough that she can’t get through a day without a million more people buying her album, she’s had to [...]

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Mark Wahlberg Could’ve Stopped 9/11 From Happening Like Some Stupid Looking Superman

by Mof Gimmers

Thanks to half of America turning its internet black yesterday, it was an excellent time to bury bad news. Likewise, it was an awful time because celebrities were saying stupid things and we missed them. Such as? How about Mark Wahlberg saying that he could’ve single-handedly stopped 9/11 from happening? Today, Marky Mark has apologised [...]

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Dr Heckler Says: Our Celeb Pals Get Sad On Twitter, We Say All the Right Things.

by Sophie Hall

Alright, another hollerin’ at the back. So then. What the hell is going on here? And why do we still visit this wretched website, and why do our children all live in cabins where they currently do not have phone connections? – We hear you cry!  Don’t worry, we’ll give you a leg up. So, [...]

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Avril Lavigne Now Almost Entirely Pointless Now That She’s Single

by Mof Gimmers

Befanged, alt.lifestyle tourist, Avril Lavigne, long ago decided that being a skatergirl wasn’t for her because acne, greasy hair and ill-fitting jeans wasn’t at all attractive. And so, she promptly went mental, spat at some photographers and became airbrushed. Losing her raison d’être, she tottered off into some pop-twilight, only getting column inches for her [...]

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Lindsay Lohan: Still Hanging Around The Morgue

by Mof Gimmers

Lindsay Lohan isn’t as much fun as she used to be. Remember when she was constantly full of drink and drugs, having sex with everyone, stealing jewels and getting accused of assault and battery? Those were good days. Sadly, she seems to have straightened herself out… BUT WAIT! See, LiLo has been doing her community [...]

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Kris Humphries Was Told Exactly How To Propose To Kim Kardashian For Sham Marriage

by Mof Gimmers

Sportsmen are all uniformly thick. They’re thicker than pig dung and nearly as blank-faced as soldiers. It’s astonishing really. They need assistants to tell them to take their trousers off before going to the toilet. So it shouldn’t surprise us that Kris Humphries was told EXACTLY how to propose to Kim Kardashian. Just imagine that. [...]

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Khloe Kardashian Might Not Be A Kardashian; The Familial Equivalent Of A Get Out Of Jail Free Card

by Robin Darke

Truth be told, it isn’t very often that one of the debauched members of the hecklerspray bedsit would ever speak of a member of the Kardashian lizard family in any positive manner. Doing so carries a punishment. A punishment that would Max Mosley blush and thank his lucky stars that he only has goes up [...]

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