Articles tagged with: Celebrity fights
Lily Allen Has A Ding-Dong With Elton John. Booze Involved
Lily Allen and Elton John have a lot in common - for example, they both have funny hair and they're both gay men. But the thing that Lily Allen and Elton John share more than anything else is a love of a public scrap. Watch Lily or Elton for long enough and you'll either see a) an extraordinary temper tantrum or b) nothing at all because Lily Allen's punched your eyes off. So it made perfect sense that, at last night's GQ awards, the hosts were Lily Allen and Elton John. And things were going just peachy, at least until Lily Allen got hammered on free champagne and started effing and jeffing at Elton John, who then appeared to boast about how brilliant he was at drugs. Honestly, those two are just like Richard and Judy, only gayer and with one more nipple than you'd expect.
Lily Allen and Elton John have a lot in common - for example, they both have funny hair and they're both gay men. But the thing that Lily Allen and Elton John share more than anything else is a love of a public scrap. Watch Lily or Elton for long enough and you'll either see a) an extraordinary temper tantrum or b) nothing at all because Lily Allen's punched your eyes off. So it made perfect sense that, at last night's GQ awards, the hosts were Lily Allen and Elton John. And things were going just peachy, at least until Lily Allen got hammered on free champagne and started effing and jeffing at Elton John, who then appeared to boast about how brilliant he was at drugs. Honestly, those two are just like Richard and Judy, only gayer and with one more nipple than you'd expect.
Lindsay Lohan Throws A Dad-Based Bloggy Strop Strop
We might be alone on this one, but does anyone else think that they picked the wrong members of the Lohan family for Living Lohan? Seriously, there were loads to choose from and they picked Oblivious Mother Lohan, the teenage Lohan girl with a voice like a laryngitis-stricken pensioner and a little Lohan son so gaspingly anonymous that he might well be a silent figment of our imagination. Basically we're just annoyed that Living Lohan stars neither Lindsay Lohan or her father Michael Lohan. Why? Because Lindsay Lohan and Michael Lohan have had a spectacular falling out in public, with Lindsay going on her blog to call her dad a 'bully' and a 'public embarrassment'. And Lindsay Lohan knows what she's on about - she's something of a global expert on being embarrassing in public.
We might be alone on this one, but does anyone else think that they picked the wrong members of the Lohan family for Living Lohan? Seriously, there were loads to choose from and they picked Oblivious Mother Lohan, the teenage Lohan girl with a voice like a laryngitis-stricken pensioner and a little Lohan son so gaspingly anonymous that he might well be a silent figment of our imagination. Basically we're just annoyed that Living Lohan stars neither Lindsay Lohan or her father Michael Lohan. Why? Because Lindsay Lohan and Michael Lohan have had a spectacular falling out in public, with Lindsay going on her blog to call her dad a 'bully' and a 'public embarrassment'. And Lindsay Lohan knows what she's on about - she's something of a global expert on being embarrassing in public.
Paul McCartney Vs Gordon Ramsay! Sort Of!
Paul McCartney, the former Beatle who looks most like your nan, usually only likes to fight people with fewer legs than him. But now the gloves have come off, because Paul McCartney has just squared up to testicle-faced TV chef Gordon Ramsay in a magazine over a comment the chef made about wanting to electrocute some vegetarians. It's literally the most dramatic fight between two funny-looking millionaires about vegetables that Sainsbury's Magazine has ever seen. But who to side for? On one hand Paul McCartney was in the most famous band of all time and wrote Yesterday and Hey Jude, and on the other Gordon Ramsay can cook dinner quite well. Oh, this is a right bloody dilemma.
Paul McCartney, the former Beatle who looks most like your nan, usually only likes to fight people with fewer legs than him. But now the gloves have come off, because Paul McCartney has just squared up to testicle-faced TV chef Gordon Ramsay in a magazine over a comment the chef made about wanting to electrocute some vegetarians. It's literally the most dramatic fight between two funny-looking millionaires about vegetables that Sainsbury's Magazine has ever seen. But who to side for? On one hand Paul McCartney was in the most famous band of all time and wrote Yesterday and Hey Jude, and on the other Gordon Ramsay can cook dinner quite well. Oh, this is a right bloody dilemma.
Phew, Shannen Doherty Didn’t Have That Fight You Didn’t Know She Didn’t Have
Despite everything we've said, alluded to or thought over the last six months, we're thrilled that Beverly Hills 90210 is coming back. Really. Why? Because new Beverly Hills 90210 makes a clean break from the past. It's banished all the pastel sweaters and pouffy hair of the old Beverly Hills 90210 and brought in a brand new team of youngsters who underline just how completely brand new the brand new Beverly Hills 90210 is. It's brand new, you know. So who's the biggest star of this super-new, bleeding-edge Beverly Hills 90210? Um, Shannen Doherty. Off the old Beverly Hills 90210. But it's not all cripplingly pointless news, because now she's famous again, Shannen Doherty gets to put the record straight about a fight she didn't have with Jennie Garth more than a decade ago. Whew!
Despite everything we've said, alluded to or thought over the last six months, we're thrilled that Beverly Hills 90210 is coming back. Really. Why? Because new Beverly Hills 90210 makes a clean break from the past. It's banished all the pastel sweaters and pouffy hair of the old Beverly Hills 90210 and brought in a brand new team of youngsters who underline just how completely brand new the brand new Beverly Hills 90210 is. It's brand new, you know. So who's the biggest star of this super-new, bleeding-edge Beverly Hills 90210? Um, Shannen Doherty. Off the old Beverly Hills 90210. But it's not all cripplingly pointless news, because now she's famous again, Shannen Doherty gets to put the record straight about a fight she didn't have with Jennie Garth more than a decade ago. Whew!
Girl From Hairspray (& Family) Fist Fights Girl From Top Model (& Family)
Sometimes, in nature, females of any species have to fight to achieve their instinctive goals. Sometimes those goals include protecting newborns from the slobbery jaws of a vicious predator, and sometimes they include trying to change the channel away from Oprah in a posh mid-Manhattan nail salon. Thousands of women are killed every year from the latter offense. These battles are often epic, lasting for days on end – victory only being claimed when one contender drops to the ground dead, possibly with large chunks of hair missing, and Lee Press-Ons lodged in different parts of their face & shoulders. So it was, recently, in some island airport when two sub-D-list female celebrities crossed paths. In one corner it was Nikki Blonsky, the lead from the movie Hairspray. In the other corner it was Bianca Golden, an America's Next Top Model cast-off. They actually fought – physically. Hate raged as their blood and spit intertwined mid-air, possibly pushed to and fro by a mediocre ventilation system. Also hate raged as the Top Model girl had her foot bitten by a human being. Hate also raged as somebody's father beat somebody else's mother to the point of hospitalization. That's all that hate raged though. We wouldn't want to exagerate - and we haven't. Yet.
Sometimes, in nature, females of any species have to fight to achieve their instinctive goals. Sometimes those goals include protecting newborns from the slobbery jaws of a vicious predator, and sometimes they include trying to change the channel away from Oprah in a posh mid-Manhattan nail salon. Thousands of women are killed every year from the latter offense. These battles are often epic, lasting for days on end – victory only being claimed when one contender drops to the ground dead, possibly with large chunks of hair missing, and Lee Press-Ons lodged in different parts of their face & shoulders. So it was, recently, in some island airport when two sub-D-list female celebrities crossed paths. In one corner it was Nikki Blonsky, the lead from the movie Hairspray. In the other corner it was Bianca Golden, an America's Next Top Model cast-off. They actually fought – physically. Hate raged as their blood and spit intertwined mid-air, possibly pushed to and fro by a mediocre ventilation system. Also hate raged as the Top Model girl had her foot bitten by a human being. Hate also raged as somebody's father beat somebody else's mother to the point of hospitalization. That's all that hate raged though. We wouldn't want to exagerate - and we haven't. Yet.
Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie’s Guards Have A Paparazzi Punch-Up
It's long been a dream of ours to dress up in camouflage and hold a pitched battle on Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's front lawn. Sadly, our stupid sense of common decency has always held us back from achieving our goal, which is why we've decided to live vicariously through the two camouflaged photographers who've been questioned by police after fighting with guards on Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's property in France. What exactly happened is a mystery - the guards and photographers are both accusing the other side of battery - but it's clear why the paparazzi were on Brad and Angelina's property in the first place. Apparently the garden is a haven for a rare breed of yellow wagtail, and the photographers would have got a first-rate shot of them if Angelina Jolie's stupid twins didn't keep getting in the bloody way.
It's long been a dream of ours to dress up in camouflage and hold a pitched battle on Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's front lawn. Sadly, our stupid sense of common decency has always held us back from achieving our goal, which is why we've decided to live vicariously through the two camouflaged photographers who've been questioned by police after fighting with guards on Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's property in France. What exactly happened is a mystery - the guards and photographers are both accusing the other side of battery - but it's clear why the paparazzi were on Brad and Angelina's property in the first place. Apparently the garden is a haven for a rare breed of yellow wagtail, and the photographers would have got a first-rate shot of them if Angelina Jolie's stupid twins didn't keep getting in the bloody way.
Kid Rock Charged With Batter-based Battery
We always find it hard to take when, after a long, arduous gig in front of thousands of our fans, the local waffle house we visit doesn't have enough cream, strawberries or maple syrup to coat our tasty treats. So much so that we sometimes raise issue with it, politely make our points, then leave in something of a huff. Thankfully, hecklerspray isn't Kid Rock, or these waffle houses we've visited would have to worry about more than just their topping stocks - they'd have to worry about us punching and kicking people in them because we're a bit miffed about something and presumably have some serious issues with the waffle-maestros out there.
We always find it hard to take when, after a long, arduous gig in front of thousands of our fans, the local waffle house we visit doesn't have enough cream, strawberries or maple syrup to coat our tasty treats. So much so that we sometimes raise issue with it, politely make our points, then leave in something of a huff. Thankfully, hecklerspray isn't Kid Rock, or these waffle houses we've visited would have to worry about more than just their topping stocks - they'd have to worry about us punching and kicking people in them because we're a bit miffed about something and presumably have some serious issues with the waffle-maestros out there.
Sacha Baron Cohen Turns Cage Fighting Totally Gay
We have a friend that used to orchestrate panda fights in her basement. She'd charge $12 a pop to watch, and when enough people were gathered around she'd let the beasts out of their cages. Those pandas are savage animals too - we saw them skin a guy once. It was a half-dead senior citizen, but a guy nonetheless. But all that was when the pandas were younger. With the passing of time came panda-related geriatric problems. Also with the passing of time came a strange gay-panda love affair. It was actually horrific - not that anything's wrong with that. That experience is why we feel we can relate so well to a whole bunch of people in Arkansas. They showed up for a vicious cage fight, and what they got instead was two grown mean undressing each other in a flurry of lust and passion. And you know who people are blaming? Borat. We mean Bruno. People are blaming Bruno.
We have a friend that used to orchestrate panda fights in her basement. She'd charge $12 a pop to watch, and when enough people were gathered around she'd let the beasts out of their cages. Those pandas are savage animals too - we saw them skin a guy once. It was a half-dead senior citizen, but a guy nonetheless. But all that was when the pandas were younger. With the passing of time came panda-related geriatric problems. Also with the passing of time came a strange gay-panda love affair. It was actually horrific - not that anything's wrong with that. That experience is why we feel we can relate so well to a whole bunch of people in Arkansas. They showed up for a vicious cage fight, and what they got instead was two grown mean undressing each other in a flurry of lust and passion. And you know who people are blaming? Borat. We mean Bruno. People are blaming Bruno.
