Despite everything we’ve said, alluded to or thought over the last six months, we’re thrilled that Beverly Hills 90210 is coming back. Really.
Why? Because new Beverly Hills 90210 makes a clean break from the past. It’s banished all the pastel sweaters and pouffy hair of the old Beverly Hills 90210 and brought in a brand new team of youngsters who underline just how completely brand new the brand new Beverly Hills 90210 is. It’s brand new, you know.
So who’s the biggest star of this super-new, bleeding-edge Beverly Hills 90210? Um, Shannen Doherty. Off the old Beverly Hills 90210. But it’s not all cripplingly pointless news, because now she’s famous again, Shannen Doherty gets to put the record straight about a fight she didn’t have with Jennie Garth more than a decade ago. Whew!
There are a few surprising things about the new series of Beverly Hills 90210. Firstly, the studio responsible has only decided to abbreviate its title down to 90210 rather than wrongly pander to its braindead young audience and call it something like Bevvaleee Hilz Nine Oh Too Won Piss.
Secondly, Shannen Doherty is back in it. Shannen Doherty, for crying out loud. Since leaving the original show in 1994 because everyone agreed that she was a stroppy little princess who crew and co-stars to peel her boiled eggs for her (or something), Shannen Doherty has been filling her wilderness years with one Kevin Smith film, about 30 seconds of Charmed, a car crash and the worst-sounding TV show in history.
But now Shannen Doherty is back, and she’s got a few scores to settle. Like, for instance, remember that time that Shannen Doherty and her Beverly Hills 90210 co-star Jennie Garth had a real-life fist-fight? No?
Actually us neither – we only have a finite amount of brainspace and we’d rather use it to remember what our relatives look like than to store information about violent incidents between two people from a 15-year-old TV show that we never even liked in the first place – but that’s not going to stop Shannen Doherty from banging on about it, is it?
No. You see, Shannen Doherty has decided to finally come forward and proclaim that the fist-fight between her and Jennie Garth never even happened. Shannen told Us Weekly:
“We never did,” Doherty, 37, tells Us. “I think I would remember Jennie’s fist connecting with a part of my body or a part of my face. It just goes to show you how people will lie.”
Great stuff. Breath a sigh of relief, everyone. Oh, you already are. What’s that? You’re not breathing a sigh of relief? That’s actually a sigh of disappointment and barely-concealed anger at Shannen Doherty, Us Weekly and hecklerspray for wasting your time with a story about something that didn’t even happen, even though if it did actually happen it wouldn’t have altered a single molecule of your life anyway?
Whoops.
gir says
The worst-sounding TV show in history? Like, even worse than another round of Beverly Hills 90210?