Posts tagged as:

Ashton Kutcher

Sara Leal Didn’t Ruin Demi’s Marriage, Ashton Kutcher’s Penis Did

by Mof Gimmers

Ashton Kutcher is getting a (let us sing it together) D.I.V.O.R.C.E. handed to him by Demi Moore after she found out that he’d been thumbing his winky into a young woman on the famous couple’s wedding anniversary. Not surprising really, right? Well, Sara Leal – the girl who received Kutch’s thrutches – has been asked [...]

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Madonna And Her Excellent Track Record With Marriage To Help Demi Moore

by Mof Gimmers

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore and splitting up, just like loads of people’s relationships disintegrate through misdeed, tedium and contempt. It’s not earth-shattering news, but thankfully, because Kutcher is thicker than pig’s swill, there’s been amusing foot-notes. See, Kutch thought it would be fun to have sex with Sara Leal on his wedding anniversary and [...]

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Ashton Kutcher Loved Demi Moore Roughly The Same Amount As A Green Car

by Mof Gimmers

If you were married to an incredibly wealthy woman, one who probably has a fair amount of expensive shit, what would you do to try and save your marriage to her after you’d been sticking your peen into a younger woman? Would you make the kind of gesture that money can’t buy in an attempt [...]

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Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher: Threesomes, Divorce And Vindication

by Mof Gimmers

And so, just like we all expected, Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore’s six-year marriage has ground to a wheezing halt after Kabbalah counselling surprised us all by being thoroughly useless in its attempts to save a relationship. Of course, the statements from representatives and twitter missives went into overload last night from all concerned… and [...]

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Ashton Kutcher Is So Thick That He Can’t Be Trusted With His Own Twitter Account

by Mof Gimmers

Ashton Kutcher isn’t having a good time of it lately. Firstly, he’s in the woeful Two And A Half Men. Secondly, he’s allegedly had an affair with a young woman which has totally borked his marriage to Demi Moore. Thirdly, he’s really, really thick. He’s so dimwitted that he’s had his twitter account taken off [...]

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Ashton Kutcher Had Unprotected Sex With Sara Leal. Just Think About That.

by Mof Gimmers

You know how Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are totally getting a divorce? They are. Not that we’ve actually spoken to either of them because, regrettably, they’ve stopped taking our calls. But they are. They definitely, definitely are. Allegedly. (Definitely). Why? Well, any marriage that tries to fix itself with Kabbalah deserves to fail. In [...]

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Demi Moore And Her Bizarre Breasts Are Divorcing Ashton Kutcher

by Mof Gimmers

As our picture, right, shows, Demi Moore’s breasts loomed large in the marriage between the actress and Ashton Kutcher (currently of no-fixed talent). They were there. Hovering. Rock hard. Of course, this is based on having been unfortunate enough to have seen them in Striptease (so bad it’s not even camp). Those surgeon’s butcheries have [...]

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Ashton Kutcher And Demi Moore Decide To Be Religious So People Don’t Think They’ve Split Up, Which Is Handy

by Mof Gimmers

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore have been oddly silent while everyone looks on, suspecting that the Two And A Half Men’er stuck his wotsit into a young lady when he should’ve been buying Milk Tray on their wedding anniversary. For a normally talkative twosome, this silence has only added fuel to the fire that says  [...]

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Stare At The Face Of The Woman Who May Have Had Sex With Ashton Kutcher (And Pretend You’re Him If You Like)

by Mof Gimmers

Is this the face of the woman at the centre of the potential split between Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore? Or is it just some random photograph we found online? We don’t know. Neither do you. You’d never really thought about any old picture being used as a possibility in the media until now. That’s [...]

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Ashton Kutcher’s ‘Mistress’ Gets Herself A Lawyer, Which Is Good News

by Mof Gimmers

What do celebrities like? Drugs. What else do they like? Money and lots of it. Okay, what else? Attention. Okay, apart from drugs, money and attention, what else do they like? No? They like having affairs, stupid. And a 23-year-old woman is accusing the weird hairlined Ashton Kutcher of cheating on his oddly framed wife, [...]

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